Are you a mom struggling to get ALL THE THINGS done in a day? Then you need to keep reading.
I’ve been a mom for over 14 years at this point, and although I love my kids dearly, I mourn the loss of my identity before anyone called me “mom.”
It’s strange how quickly the shift from “Amanda” to “mom” happened, really.
I distinctly remember feeling what I can only describe as an identity crisis as soon as those two pink lines appeared.
Suddenly, my body was no longer my own.
I was physically and mentally hijacked by morning sickness, fatigue, and brain fog that slowly crept into every corner of my existence.
But overshadowing all of it was a vague sense that nothing in my world would ever truly be mine again.
Not my time, sleep, energy, or autonomy.
From this point forward, every decision I made centered around the tiny human I was growing.
This post may contain affiliate links. As an affiliate of the Amazon associate program, Modacity, Dr. Josh Wright ProPractice, Piano University course by Zach Evans, Musicnotes, Playground Sessions, and Piano Marvel, I may receive a commission at no extra cost if you purchase through a link. Please see my full disclosure for further information and privacy policy.
Specific photos on this page are courtesy of Canva. Although I am a nurse practitioner, I am not YOUR medical provider. The information in this post is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It does NOT replace individualized health information from a qualified medical professional. Please consult a qualified medical professional for personalized guidance on your health and wellness. Artificial intelligence (AI) was utilized for specific components of this post. But the main ideas and content are all my own.
Society’s Double Standard
If any of this resonates with you too, welcome to a safe space where we can explore these feelings together.
And I want to start with a good old-fashioned bash session.
Although “society” is a vague term simultaneously meaning “everyone” and “no one specifically” at the same time, it’s as good a place to start as any.
Let’s take a moment to discuss expectations.
Spoiler alert … society has completely different expectations for men and women.
And I know that people love talking about shattering ceilings and the influx of women into STEM careers.
But when it comes to my everyday existence, no ceilings have been shattered.
I’m not only managing the bulk of the parenting responsibilities at home, I’m in charge of all the household tasks, and somehow still manage to hold down a full-time job all while making sure the dog gets to the vet, the kids get their flu shots, and my son’s water jug gets sterilized after being left in the garage for months but before he uses it for practice tonight.
It’s utterly exhausting.
And I’ve talked to many fellow moms who feel the same way.
In many heterosexual two-parent families, men work while women work AND do ALL THE THINGS.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that men don’t snap awake at night worrying about whether they started the dishwasher before bed.
Men don’t worry about saving up their PTO “just in case” they run into childcare issues.
And men have no problem putting aside their work or home obligations to pursue their personal interests. In fact, it’s encouraged.
But when was the last time you did something just for you?
Mom Guilt
If you’re still with me, I’m guessing you’re intimately familiar with this term “mom guilt.”
It’s essentially defined as an intense feeling of guilt whenever you even consider taking personal time out of your crazy schedule for yourself.
And I believe it’s a concept created by society to prevent moms from reaching their full potential.
Because you see, it’s in “society’s” (ahem … men’s) best interest to keep all those outdated gender roles in place.
This antiquated arrangement benefits the male partners who take their PTO days, golf regularly, and blissfully sleep through the night in massive ways.
After all, our male counterparts are partying, golfing, and sleeping their days away while we’re over here feeling guilty about taking even 15 minutes for ourselves.
Although I’m not going to pretend that I have it all figured out, I do have one humble suggestion about how we can start taking our power (and time!) back.
It’s a simple but powerful way to foster your personal growth while helping you become a better mom.
And it’s something that too many moms lack—a hobby.
Why Moms Need Hobbies
I know what you’re thinking.
1) “You’ve just spent the better part of this post reminding me about how there’s never enough time in the day to accomplish ALL THE THINGS.”
2) “How will my starting a new hobby reverse generations of dysfunctional societal roles?”
I agree that it sounds like an insane thought.
But there are several valid reasons why moms need to pursue their own interests.
You Need More Energy
Creative pursuits, in whatever form they take, create rather than drain energy.
If you’ve been feeling fatigued, uninspired, and just run-down, it’s time to infuse some fresh energy into your life.
One of the best ways to achieve this is through a creative pastime.
Creativity helps you enter a flow state, elevating your mood and providing you with more energy to accomplish all the other tasks you need to complete in your day.
New interests also give you something to look forward to, which can help you become a happier person.
You’re Longing for a Sense of Accomplishment
When was the last time you felt truly proud of something you accomplished?
I’m not talking about finally getting the floors swept and mopped.
I am talking about that deep sense of fulfillment that comes from accomplishing something you never thought possible.
Hobbies allow you to embrace and even excel at a new skill in ways your job or caring for your household never can.
I know this because one of my favorite ways to spend my free time is a type of horseback riding called dressage.
Whenever I have the opportunity to ride my horse, I always come away with a deep sense of fulfillment and purpose.
Although dressage is hard work and I’m far from winning any Olympic medals, the simple act of being with my horse grounds me in who I am deep inside.
It reminds me of the person I was when my world was a whole lot simpler, before the crushing weight of these responsibilities took over my life.
And that sense of peace carries me through, making me a better mom.
You Want to be an Amazing Mom
Although I may appear to be a highly jaded individual, I love my kids dearly and want to be the best mom I can be.
I believe that the feelings of angst and conflict I’ve experienced since the very beginning of motherhood are rooted in a deep desire to care for my children.
But I am also someone who needs my own space, apart from my kids, to feel like a complete person.
I’ve had times in my life when I’ve put my own needs on the back burner, and these are some of my unhappiest years.
It’s only when I truly acknowledged the importance of hobbies in my life that I’ve been able to craft a balance around motherhood.
I’m a firm believer that moms NEED their own identities, separate from their kids, to thrive as whole people.
Hobbies are a great way to alleviate resentment and challenge the sense of time famine that often accompanies motherhood.
Tips for Starting a Hobby
As someone who fully admits to having too many hobbies, I’ve become an expert at time management to pursue my varied interests.
But I’m also deeply saddened by the lack of fun things moms are doing with their extra time.
I’ve come to learn that it’s not even socially acceptable to bring up the word “hobbies” with moms in conversation.
I can’t tell you the number of awkward responses that I’ve had from other moms when I ask what they do with their spare time.
It’s almost as if even the concept of spare time is so incomprehensible in the first place that taking it a step further is an entirely alien thought.
However, I’m on a mission to change the trend of moms having zero hobbies!
Moms deserve to have their own interests, separate from their families.
Here are a few tips to help you get started.
Start a Bliss List
When I’ve talked with other members of my mom group about hobbies, I’m often met with blank stares and questions about where to start.
Let’s start with a bliss list.
Grab some coffee, a notebook, and a pen, and head to your favorite cozy spot for a brainstorming session.
Start by going back to your childhood, before all those responsibilities took over.
Think about all the activities you loved as a kid.
Did you have a sketch book and couldn’t wait to come home after school to start a new drawing?
Or maybe you loved sewing.
Perhaps you were one of those girls who spent hours lost in a book.
Think about any and all activities that have ever brought you joy and write them down.
It doesn’t matter whether the activity is big or small. If it ever brought a smile to your face, it belongs on the list.
Identify Your Blocks
The next step is to narrow your list down to the most logical place to start.
I’m definitely not one to let roadblocks hold me back, but when you’re starting from scratch, you need to start with something easy.
The primary purpose of this post is to help you reduce stress in your life, so there’s absolutely no need to stress about this.
Once you’ve completed your bliss list, it’s time to identify your most significant barriers to starting your new hobby.
A few of the most common mom life roadblocks are:
- Lack of time
- Difficulty leaving the house as a stay-at-home mom
- A to-do list that’s a mile long
- Perfectionism
- Fatigue
- Tight budget
Work on identifying your top 2-3 roadblocks.
Now, go back through your bliss list, keeping these barriers in mind.
Scratch out the hobbies that are in direct contradiction to your top blocks.
For example, if time and budget are your top two barriers, don’t buy a horse and pay to board it two hours away.
Consider taking up knitting, at least to start, which you can do anywhere.
Make a Plan
Once you’ve identified a hobby that lights you up but also doesn’t cause more stress in your life, it’s time to make a plan for how to start.
Will you need to buy any supplies to get started?
Do you need to sign up for a class?
Or will you need to prepare a spot in your house?
Once the initial preparations are done, figure out when you’ll do the thing.
Although you’ll ideally reach a point where you can’t wait to engage with your new hobby, it’s always best to schedule it into your day.
If you don’t, it simply won’t happen.
Start small and identify 10-15 minutes, three times a week, when you’ll engage in this new pursuit.
If your kids are young, nap times can be a great time to get a little “me time” in.
Sometimes, scheduling the activity at the end of the day works really well.
Regardless of the time of day, try to find the time that makes the most sense for both your schedule and the activity.
Why Playing the Piano is a Great Hobby for Moms
This wouldn’t be a blog about pianos if I didn’t include something in this post about one of my favorite hobbies: playing the piano.
Music is a fantastic way to challenge your brain and boost your self-esteem!
I’ve talked with countless moms who regret either never learning to play or stopping lessons when they were younger.
But it’s never too late to learn!
I’m currently working on developing a course specifically tailored to help moms learn piano in a low-stress, fun way that will help you get a little of yourself back.
This course will guide you through the process of incorporating a hobby back into your life and encourages you to celebrate taking a moment to just be you, the person you were before all the added stress.
Whether you have a lot of time or only a little time, it’s never too late to embrace creativity in your life.
And sometimes all you need is a little encouragement to get started!
Although my course is still in the works, you can explore a few of my other recommended courses in the meantime:
It’s Your Turn
Regardless of your family commitments, I hope this post has inspired you to ditch the guilt factor and start taking time for yourself.
Hobbies offer numerous incredible benefits, and you deserve to experience joy in your life!
Although nothing happens overnight, taking even 10 minutes a day for yourself can be enough to initiate drastic identity shifts, resulting in a happier, more fulfilled person who then becomes an infinitely better mom to your kids.
It’s so worth it!
As always, I’d love to hear your comments below!
What hobbies are you planning to launch?
2 thoughts on “Why Moms Need Hobbies and the Best Place to Start”