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How to Transform Fear into Courage

How to Transform Fear into Courage

“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”

— Theodore Roosevelt

When was the last time you were scared to do something? Were you able to turn fear into courage or did the fear overwhelm you, preventing action and keeping you stuck?

The definition of courage would have you believe that courage is facing some type of challenge without fear but my experience is that one cannot exist without the other. Fear and courage are two sides of the same coin.

This post may contain affiliate links, which means we may receive a commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase through a link. Please see our full disclosure for further information.

Understanding Fear and Courage

Step one of transforming your fear into courage is understanding the relationship between the two. And although there are a variety of theories on fear and courage out there, the one which rings most true to me is by Stanley Rachman.

His book Fear and Courage outlines courage as being the ability to overcome a challenge despite the presence of fear. In other words, courage can’t exist without the presence of fear.

Think about it for a minute. What do you consider your most courageous feat in life thus far? Could those feats be considered your most courageous because of how much fear was involved?

In my own life, there have been two feats I consider my most courageous. The first is my college senior recital and the second is finishing graduate school.

Senior Recital

This post describes my decision to pursue a fine arts degree in music despite significant struggles with performance anxiety. As you can imagine, the study of music requires frequent performances for both small and large audiences.

For me, performance anxiety meant sweaty, shaky hands and nausea. I would start imagining the worst case scenario which typically involved making a gigantic mistake and being laughed off stage. A close second was fear of throwing up on stage in front of everyone.

And to make matters worse, my instrument of choice is piano which has a long tradition of performing solo repertoire without music. No music as in completely memorized. Nothing in front of you to help get back in track if you lose your spot.

Although I loved the instrument, I lived in constant dread of each and every upcoming performance.

But I dreaded none of the other performances as much as my senior recital. In music programs, the senior recital is a capstone project or a final display of all you have learned throughout your degree.

It’s typically at least 30 minutes of solo music prepared by the student.

A terrifying proposition for someone with significant performance anxiety. In the months leading up to my recital, fear dominated my thoughts. All I could think about was my upcoming performance and the many ways I could humiliate myself.

The fear was overwhelming.

Finally, the day of my recital came. It was a cold day in early December with all forecasts calling for significant snowfall. And snow it did!

I remember walking across campus in my long dress and winter boots, slipping and sliding on the snow-covered sidewalks which hadn’t yet been plowed.

And I also remember the terror growing by the second as the clock inched towards show time.

In that moment, part of me thought about faking an illness, giving in to fear, and heading back home. But the other part of me knew that I would forever regret throwing away the opportunity to be courageous in the face of intense fear.

And when the clock struck 2, I walked onstage. The old familiar sweaty hands and nausea returned as did the intense fear of messing up. But in the midst of it all was a strange sense of calm in the knowledge that this would all be over very soon. This was the moment of transformation from fear into courage.

You may also enjoy reading this post about how to learn piano as an adult.

Graduate School

My career path has been a long and winding road. Although I started with aspirations to teach piano full-time, life’s curveballs sent me down a completely different path.

Shortly after finishing my fine arts degree, I went back for a two year nursing degree. I had a baby, got divorced, married again, had another baby, and finished up my baccalaureate degree in nursing. It was at this point that I set my sights on a graduate degree in nursing.

I remember mailing in my application to the program and being confident that I could tackle this. My grades had always been good so I knew that academically I could do it. Although I was working full-time, my employer was understanding and flexible. I had two kids but as I shared custody with my ex-husband, really only had one on a full-time basis. This program would be a piece of cake.

Ready for the curveball?

Not even a month after mailing the application, the test was positive. We were expecting baby #3.

And suddenly the confidence I had in being able to complete the program plummeted. Two kids plus an infant, grad school, and work seemed utterly impossible! Almost immediately, a sense of fear and overwhelm took over.

Fear haunted me throughout the program. This time around fear revolved around not finishing the program or failing out. It didn’t present in the same dramatic way it had during my music degree but was rather a constant dull ache in the pit of my stomach.

Despite the constant presence of fear, I somehow inched through the program, eventually emerging triumphant on graduation day.

Transforming Fear into Courage

Whether fear surrounds a specific event in your life or whether it’s generalized, courage can’t exist without its presence. We need fear in order to show up courageously. And the greater the fear, the more courage is required to overcome it.

Whether you’re considering a career change, launching a new venture, or going after a hobby you’ve sidelined for a few years, fear can quickly extinguish the flame before it even ignites. It all starts with an idea to try something entirely new and different which suddenly pops into your head one day and you decide to entertain it for a few minutes. Excitement courses through and your mind races with possibility. The “what-ifs” are positive and exhilarating!

But then the “what-ifs” take a different turn. “What if this doesn’t work?” “Will I look stupid?” “What if I fail?” Suddenly, fear takes over and what seemed entirely possible one minute is utterly impossible the next. Your mind races with negativity. All the reasons why it not only couldn’t but WOULDN’T work. And all of a sudden, you freeze with fear.

I have been in this place so many times. The place where even if the idea is positive and will push me in a fantastic new direction, I shut down and overwhelm takes over. Fear crowds out everything and the clear choice seems to be giving in.

Did you catch that? The clear “choice” implying you have a decision among several options. Fear doesn’t control you … you can flip the coin and instead choose courage. It only seems as if fear is the singular option but this is actually an illusion because courage is always there. The hidden path among the overgrown weeds. The lesser chosen option due to obscurity.

Fact vs. Fiction

One of the funny things about fear is that in many cases, we are our own worst enemies. Our mind takes a turn for the negative and begins fabricating all kinds of stories about why something won’t work. We convince ourselves that it’s impossible and then immediately begin looking for evidence to support this outcome.

Throughout my grad program, I had convinced myself that there was no way I would make it through. After a while, even the tiniest inconvenience became a gigantic roadblock which would undoubtedly derail my progress. I had myself so convinced I wouldn’t succeed that the only evidence I took into consideration was the negative.

And do you know what? 99% of my fear was completely made up and not based on any reality. It was a figment of my imagination.

When transforming fear into courage, stop paying attention to the negative. Look for the positive and ground yourself in reality.

Start asking whether what you fear is actually happening or whether your mind is playing games with you. Challenge the negative thoughts and begin actively looking for the positive.

You may also enjoy reading this post about how to achieve a positive mindset.

Embrace Fear

In many cases, our fear of fear is worse than the fear itself. We do everything possible to avoid feeling fear and in so doing, make our situation even worse.

I routinely considered switching majors to avoid performance situations required in the music degree. But I love music and knew that if I switched out, I would forever live with the regret of not trying. And although music does not provide a steady income stream at this point, I will always look back on the degree with pride and accomplishment.

We have to learn to not only live with but to also embrace fear. It is a normal part of our lives and everyone experiences this emotion at one time or another.

And in certain situations, fear may actually save our lives. Fear can be a mechanism of protection or warning that something is wrong.

It can also be our subconscious trying to protect us from something which doesn’t even exist. Remember all that stuff about our tendency to dwell on worst case scenarios even when there’s no fact behind it? Our subconscious can’t tell the difference between true and false. In other words, if you are consistently focusing on the negative, your subconscious thinks it’s reality.

Fear is the immediate response because your subconscious is trying to protect you by keeping you away from danger.

But in most cases, fear is only serving to hold you back from trying something new or accomplishing your goals. Fear leads directly to self-sabotage when you try to avoid it rather than face it.

And even though fear is scary, you have a secret weapon.

Choice Turns Fear into Courage

The secret weapon is choice. Every time you choose courage, you get stronger and the fear gets just a bit less scary. One courageous choice leads to another and another and another and pretty soon, courage is the only option.

Your consistent choice to turn fear into courage makes you stronger.

Choose courage over fear because at the end of the day, there’s very little we have control over in this life. We can’t control the weather, other people, or even the stability of our jobs.

But we can control our own actions. We can choose to live in the shadows of fear, constantly stewing over any and all possible negative outcomes. Or we can choose to step into the light, be courageous, and become a stronger person for it.

Choose courage.

It’s Your Turn

The next time you find yourself staring down a fear-provoking situation, carefully weigh out your options but use fear as a compass to instead find your inner courage. Embrace fear and take time to sort through where the fear comes from. And then make the choice to refuse to allow fear to control your life and prevent personal growth. Embrace courage and hang on tight because big changes are headed your way!

And if you’re looking for a little extra inspiration, check out one of my favorite reads!

Leave a comment below about the last time you chose courage over fear and the impact it had on your life!

How to Learn Piano as an Adult

How to Learn Piano as an Adult

Every time you hear a piano, the thought crosses your mind. “I would love to play but learn piano as an adult … is that even possible? And if so, how?”

Adulthood comes with its fair share of perks. But right alongside these perks lies a heap of responsibility.

Between your job, chasing after your kids, and the energy spent keeping your marriage alive, life can feel very overwhelming. It can take a serious toll on your motivation and your energy.

Any non-essential items get pushed to the back burner, forgotten and left for another day.

But as humans, we crave creativity. We need an outlet to express ourselves beyond the mundane tasks inherent to adulthood. Creativity ignites a spark deep inside which makes life worth living. It gives us something to strive for and look forward to.

In short, creativity adds value to our lives.

This post may contain affiliate links, which means we may receive a commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase through a link. Please see our full disclosure for further information.

Overcoming Mental Blocks

I think everyone can agree that creating something, whether it’s music, art, or writing, feels marvelous! The satisfaction of having used your talents to complete an entirely new and unique project is like none other!

But have you ever noticed that learning new skills seems infinitely harder as an adult?

Kids are fearless. They see possibility everywhere they look. And they want to try everything!

Somewhere along the line, many people lose that infinite possibility attitude. Sadly, it’s often due to a false story we create in our minds stemming from a tiny incident years ago.

Maybe it was a comment from your teacher about how you’re better off focusing on math rather than art. Or your dad’s remark that your sister has more musical talent than you. Perhaps your well-meaning aunt told you that a career in writing is a path to poverty.

Whatever the incident, you immediately created a story in your mind which to this day has you believing you can’t. Your creative spirit was crushed that day. And although your logical side continues to play the story on repeat, there’s a little piece of you deep down who believes in your own success and is begging to be released!

Stop believing the lies! Listen closely to what that tiny voice is telling you. Chart your own course and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks! They’re all too busy focusing on their own stories to pay attention to yours anyway.

You may also enjoy reading this post about how to stop the comparison trap.

The Adult Learner Advantage

Although it may seem as if not learning piano as a child puts you at a disadvantage, nothing could be further from the truth! In many cases, if you decide to learn piano as an adult, you are actually at several distinct advantages.

The first is that you are making the conscious choice to learn piano as an adult. You are the one who decides how you want to learn, which instrument to get, and whether you will involve a teacher and to what extent. If you love jazz, you’re free to focus solely on this genre and forget about classical. You are the one dictating your own learning process.

The second is that having spent years of learning a wide variety of topics, you are now an expert on how you learn best. Maybe you love group settings and learn best surrounded by others. Or perhaps you do better in self-directed, independent study courses. Whatever your learning style, you have the ability to choose a format tailored to meet your needs. No one is forcing you to sit in lessons week after week with a teacher who is completely out of sync with your learning style.

And the third advantage when you learn piano as an adult is that both your body and brain are fully developed. Your fingers can physically reach in a multitude of hand positions. You don’t need books under your feet to facilitate better body posture at the keyboard. And your attention span allows better concentration for longer stretches of time. Learning can therefore occur more efficiently than it could have earlier in your life.

But if I haven’t quite convinced you on the advantages of learning as an adult, check out an earlier post I wrote covering this topic.

Learn Piano as an Adult with this Secret Method

You’ve thoughtfully weighed out the pros and cons of whether to learn piano as an adult and decided to go for it. First of all … good for you! Learning to play piano brings hours of satisfaction and enjoyment unlike any of the other creative arts.

But now what? How do you go about getting started?

Lucky for you, today’s technological advances offer you a multitude of choices. Between online lessons, apps, and courses, you can find the genre and learning opportunity which best fits your needs.

Although there are many great courses out there which offer amazing results, I do have a personal favorite. This particular course is led by a world-renowned pianist who has spent years studying with some of the top pianists in the world. Despite his outstanding talent and advanced degrees in music, he has a way of presenting information in a way which is both encouraging and informative.

His down-to-earth, friendly teaching style makes learning piano approachable whether you are a beginner or are simply looking to expand your repertoire. Although I do fall into the latter category, I have worked through a significant number of his beginner videos and feel it is possible to learn the instrument from the very beginning with this course.

Several months after purchasing the course, I continued to believe so strongly in its value and ability to fit into the adult piano learner life that I actually became an affiliate for the course.

My Why

Whether you are an absolute beginner or began playing as a child but stopped at some point, studying the piano has so much to offer! My own history with the instrument started at the age of 7 when I began lessons with the teacher in my town. I continued to play throughout high school but never took playing as seriously as I should have.

After high school, I decided to pursue music in college and eventually graduated with a fine arts degree. My college years were plagued with debilitating performance anxiety and self-doubt. Needless to say, both interfered with practicing and with my progression as a pianist.

There was a period of time when I even considered pursuing a masters in music. Ultimately, self-doubt won out and I convinced myself it wasn’t the “practical” thing to do. My career path therefore took a completely different turn.

Despite my own struggles with devoting a career to music, I continued to love the piano! And I kept playing sporadically after college but found juggling work and family life with developing my pianistic skills challenging.

My background is in classical piano and although I appreciate all genres, this is the one I love the most! Classical can be a challenging genre as it requires clear progression of technique to continue advancing. And technique was an area I felt lacking in my playing.

In response to my perceived deficits, I found a couple of college professors willing to give me a few lessons. One lived in a town over an hour away so for each lesson, I needed to carve a minimum of 3 hours out of my weekly schedule.

The other lived in my town but was incredibly busy and it was difficult to find time which worked for us both, especially as my career advanced.

I desperately wanted to continue making progress but without regular guidance from someone more advanced than myself, felt stuck.

Learn Piano as an Adult on Your Terms

And then one day I was listening to a podcast. It was an interview with a pianist who not only was traveling the globe performing some of the most difficult piano repertoire ever written but who had also created an online community of learners. A community of people who were, like me, searching for help in their own piano journeys.

The interview was incredibly uplifting and helpful so I began following his YouTube channel.

I continued to be impressed with the depth of his knowledge on a wide variety of topics ranging from practice efficiency to performance anxiety to technique and began to see improvements in my own playing.

After a few months, I decided that if I was getting this much value from his free YouTube resources, how much more value would I get from his paid course?

And so, I took the leap. I joined the Lifetime Access to ProPractice course and haven’t looked back since!

The Lifetime Access option enables you to watch every past and future video he puts out in the ProPractice series at your own pace. With this option, you can watch videos ranging in difficulty from beginner through advanced. You can also choose to watch videos on specific pieces within the piano repertoire.

It truly is piano learning on your terms!

#1 Benefit of this Online Course

You’re busy. Chances are, you’re juggling work, family, and a host of other obligations. Sneaking time out of your schedule to take up a new hobby may not be high on your priority list. I get it.

But every time you tell that little creative self “no,” it shrinks just a bit more. And the regret of not trying grows just a bit bigger.

The major benefit of this course for those who want to learn piano as an adult is its flexibility. In the traditional piano lesson model, you meet with an instructor on a regular basis. Many instructors require lesson fees up front and penalize for missing lessons.

It’s a smart feature to have from the perspective of the instructor because they’re making a living doing what they love. For them, a missed lesson is missed income. I completely understand the rationale.

But as a busy adult, it’s unrealistic to think that you will never have to cancel a lesson at the last minute. Kids get sick. Work gets busy. And our priorities need to shift sometimes. There will be seasons when it’s simply not possible to devote as much time and energy into your passions.

And that’s ok! Investing in this course gives you the flexibility to decide when and how much time you are able to devote to your piano learning journey on any given day.

You’re not forced to take a lengthy hiatus from your learning when life gets busy. You can instead decide to scale back on your own learning time. No one but you is impacted. You have the control over your own learning.

A Word About the Traditional Piano Learning Model

In no way am I suggesting that an online course replaces the value inherent to learning under the watchful guidance of an instructor. There are multiple advantages to receiving expert feedback from someone knowledgeable in piano performance.

But I am saying that learning this way is not always feasible for busy adults. If your goal is to learn piano as an adult, then there may be times when your end goal requires adjustment in how you get there.

In an ideal world, guidance from an instructor would supplement what you learn in the ProPractice course. But if you are forced to choose between the two, the course is definitely a feasible option to maintain your busy life.

And if you are at the point where you’re already fitting regular lessons in your life, consider investing in specific videos to supplement your learning. There are a variety of purchasing options based upon both level of difficulty and specific repertoire. Lifetime Access to ProPractice is an investment and it’s smart to try it out on a smaller scale to ensure it will meet your specific learning needs prior to fully investing.

It’s Your Turn

I hope this post has inspired you to continue your piano journey! Whether you are an absolute beginner or have played in the past, now is as good of a time as any to get back into it!

The ProPractice course is an amazing resource for a wide range of people who want to learn piano as an adult. And if you’re interested in learning more about Dr. Josh Wright, here are a few of my favorite videos:

Advice for adult piano learners.

This video is all about how to reduce tension in your playing.

Tips on how to allocate your practice time.

You can access the ProPractice Course and explore other video options here. Until next time, play your heart out and forget about what anyone else thinks of your playing. The only opinion that matters in terms of your own creativity is yours!

“Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.”

Henry van Dyke

Anxiety Relieving Activities Which Actually Work

Anxiety Relieving Activities Which Actually Work

How are you holding up right now? Are you living and loving life? Or are you struggling with overwhelming anxiety and a sense of impending doom?

Recent events have impacted every single one of our lives, to some degree. Whether it’s the virus, social injustice, or a tanking economy, stress is everywhere you look. Anxiety lurks around every corner.

It seems as if each new day presents a fresh reason to stress out!

My own struggles with anxiety have taken me to dark places in my life. Places where it’s impossible to focus on anything other than fear concocted by my subconscious. And places where peace, joy, and happiness are nowhere to be found.

But you can take back control of your life and tame those racing thoughts! Each of the following anxiety relieving activities has a positive impact on my own life and is worth trying in your own.

Much like storm clouds taking over a sunny day, so too can anxiety overshadow your life with negativity. Make a choice to stop the cycle of negativity and give these anxiety relieving activities a try today.

Before we get into it, let’s chat about stress, anxiety, and how to determine when you need help.

Stress, Anxiety, or Both?

Although people often use the words “stress” and “anxiety” interchangeably, there are differences between the two. Stress is typically described as a reaction to something happening in the here and now. Anxiety, on the other hand, is worry about the future.

Let’s break them both down a bit further.

Stress

Believe it or not, stress can result from both positive and negative life changes. The birth of a new baby, starting a different job, and buying a house are all examples of positive life events capable of triggering stress.

Any time you make a life change, the potential for stress exists.

An event that one person considers horrendously overwhelming may have little to no effect on the next person.

The physical and emotional effects of stress are also variable from person to person. You may find it difficult to fall or stay asleep at night. It may suddenly become difficult to concentrate. You may also find that you feel extremely exhausted all the time.

Or maybe you’re so easily irritated that the slightest inconvenience sends you in a rage. Some people react to stress with depression. Still others begin overeating.

Although stress is a normal part of life, when left unchecked, it can wreak havoc on your health and your happiness. It can also morph into anxiety.

You may enjoy reading this post about finding peace despite chaos.

Anxiety

Would it surprise you to learn that approximately 40 million Americans have some form of an anxiety disorder? Anxiety disorders can range from a generalized state of worry about any and everything to specific phobias such as a fear of spiders or of flying.

It is similar to stress in that it affects people to varying degrees. Some people experience only occasional twinges of nervousness about an upcoming interview or work presentation.

Other people, however, obsess about the potential downsides of every little decision. What can start out as stress stemming from a life change turns into a hamster wheel of worst case scenarios. Anxiety dominates every waking thought. Soon it becomes difficult to focus on anything other than fear of the unknown and typically, the unlikely.

Physical symptoms often accompany anxiety and may include chest pain, rapid breathing, or feeling overwhelmingly tired.

Although everyone experiences anxiety from time to time, it becomes problematic when it dominates your thoughts and consistently interferes with your daily life.

Even occasional anxiety can cloud your thinking and put you in a negative mood.

But you can break free! Let’s get into some amazingly effective anxiety relieving activities!

Reframe Your Thinking

In any given situation, you have a choice. You control your thoughts. And there are positives to be found in even the darkest situations.

But once anxiety gains a foothold in your life, your thinking skews to the negative. Seeing catastrophic disaster around every corner can turn into something of a habit. Your brain becomes conditioned to block out any positives and to instead hone in on any little thing which is slightly amiss.

After a while, your entire world turns into one of those cold, dreary, miserable January days. I’m talking January in Wisconsin. For those of you who have never been to Wisconsin, January is the absolute worst! The excitement of the holidays is over and the novelty of snow has worn thin. Temperatures average around 20 degrees but are quite often below zero. Even the sun abandons the state around this time every year. Summer seems so far away that it’s painful to even think about blue skies, warm breezes, or green grass. It’s easier to pretend none of it exists than to acknowledge how long it will be before you can experience the magic of summer again.

See what I did there?

Yes, January is a long, dark month. But there is a positive side to anything in life, even January in Wisconsin. Snow means sledding, snowboarding, and skiing. It means hot beverages after a cold day spent outside.

I can tell you from experience that if you obsess over every little negative, January will crawl by. But if you actively look for joy, it will reveal itself and before you know it, spring is right around the corner!

Start looking for joy in your life and the world will suddenly seem a much brighter, less anxious place.

You may enjoy reading this post about how to achieve a more positive mindset.

Ground Yourself

One side effect of anxiety that I find to be particularly challenging is that my mind races. But it’s not in a helpful way like when I’m constructively thinking through my latest blog post. It’s more like that 3 A.M. can’t get back to sleep because I’m re-living every stupid thing I’ve ever said or done kind of way.

Annoying.

Remember what I said about you having control over your thoughts?

It’s absolutely true.

This anxiety relieving activity stops that hamster in its tracks and gives you an opportunity to regain control.

When our mind is racing, it’s often revolving around things which are either in the past or the future. In other words, imaginary things which we can’t do anything about. Continuing to think about them is pointless! It only serves to fuel anxiety and feed into the sense that we are out of control.

Take back your thoughts by using your senses in this incredibly easy anxiety relieving activity.

The next time your mind is racing, remember that you have 5 senses. Next, use each sense to gather one piece of information.

In this moment, here and now, what is one thing you can see, taste, touch, hear, and smell?

Shifting your focus to something tangible is a powerful tactic to distract you from the imaginary. Take back your power and get back on track!

Avoid the Sugar Trap

This next anxiety relieving activity is all about preventing anxiety before it even starts. And as you may have guessed from the heading, it involves sugar.

I will be the first to admit that I love sugar! There aren’t too many things I can claim as my guilty pleasure but sugar is definitely one of them!

And in today’s world of highly processed foods, you don’t need to look far to find it. Sugar is hiding in everything.

I don’t know about you but when I’m feeling a bit drained from all those racing thoughts, something sweet seems the perfect pick-me-up.

But sugar is a liar. It tricks you into thinking you will feel refreshed and ready to take on anything.

And you may feel that way for a short time. But eventually your body will crash, leaving you feeling worse than ever. Worse than before you ate that gigantic piece of leftover birthday cake. Or that chunk of frosted brownie. Much worse.

Our bodies crave stability and predictability from the food we take in. We function best on nutrients which break down more slowly and cause a more gradual energy spike.

Nutrients such as proteins provide a more effective fuel source for your body. Protein will give you a more sustainable energy and won’t leave you with that “hung-over” feeling.

And if your body is fueled adequately, your mind is more likely to follow suit.

Anxiety Relieving Activities Work Best With Help

Although there are a host of effective anxiety relieving activities out there, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Especially if you feel that anxiety is taking over your life. There are many ways to manage anxiety and some people require professional assistance to do so.

Speaking with your doctor and/or a counselor can be extremely beneficial in helping you manage anxiety. Anxiety can be accompanied by other diagnoses, including depression, so it’s important that you receive the appropriate treatment.

Your primary care provider can determine whether medication on either a long or short-term basis may be the right choice for you. Not everyone who has anxiety requires medication but it can be helpful, especially in the beginning, to get things under control.

The most effective treatment of anxiety involves an emphasis on taking care of yourself, body and soul. If you are lacking in one area, anxiety has the potential to creep back into your life.

And a counselor can help you untangle those negative pathways in your mind which are feeding into anxiety. They can help you set a more positive mindset and challenge the false realities you create for yourself.

This past spring has been like no other. If recent events have left you feeling unsettled and drained, please get help! You’re never alone. And there are people out there who both understand and can relate to what you’re going through.

You may enjoy reading this post about living with intention.

Spend Time in Nature

“Allow nature’s peace to flow into you as sunshine flows into trees.”

John Muir

Of all the anxiety relieving activities on the list, this is my favorite! I am a firm believer in the power of a little sun and fresh air. There’s just something about getting out into nature which feeds the soul.

The beauty and solitude is a reminder that peace exists. There is so much out there which is bigger than we are. A little sun on your face and the wind in your hair is enough to convince you that everything will be ok after all. And suddenly the anxious thoughts once taking over your mind seem insignificant compared with the majesty of nature.

Although Wisconsin winters present a variety of challenges, there are still ample opportunities to enjoy nature. My favorite winter days often follow the biggest snowstorms. Not nice for driving but freshly fallen snow sparkles like thousands of diamonds. Everywhere you look, the world seems shiny new. Paired with a bright blue sky, this view is like nothing else and will take your breath away!

I especially love pairing nature with exercise! It’s the absolute best way to naturally raise your endorphins and banish negativity!

The next time you find yourself reeling from repetitively negative thoughts, strap on your tennis shoes and get outside. Focus on nature all around you and I promise you will be shocked at how quickly the anxiety disappears.

Funniest Anxiety Relieving Activities

We’ve all heard that laughter is the best medicine but did you know it’s actually true? Not for everything, of course, but for certain things it’s unbeatable! Especially when you find someone else to laugh with!

Similar to exercise, laughter releases feel good hormones known as endorphins. It also decreases your body’s stress response leaving you feeling calm and relaxed.

Research has also proven there are long-term benefits of laughter which include a stronger immune system and better overall life satisfaction.

The next time you’re struggling with anxiety that you just can’t shake, take a laugh break! I’ll even give you a recommendation to get you started!

I discovered Charlie Berens about a year ago and I have to say that before him, I wasn’t a big fan of being a Wisconsinite. Between the frigid winters, the quirky eccentricities of small town life, and the state’s obsession with the Packers, it seemed like there was nothing cool about being from Wisconsin. In my opinion, it was the most boring state. Except Iowa, of course. I’ve heard Iowa is even worse on the state cool meter.

Anyway, Charlie has a way of spinning Wisconsin life to make it seem much cooler than it actually is. He takes snippets of daily life in the dairy state and by using humor, oddly makes me feel better about living where I live. Not that I was ever particularly distressed about being from Wisconsin but it’s definitely not as cool as being from New York, California, or Florida.

If you’re unfamiliar with Charlie or small town Wisconsin, here are a few videos to get you up to speed:

1) Confused about what goes in a casserole? Not sure what a hot dish is? This video explains it all.

2) Ever wondered what your husband does while you’re strolling the aisles of Target? Find out here.

3) I’ve never been to an Ikea but after watching this video feel as if I get the gist.

4) Curious about how quarantine in Wisconsin is going? Find out here.

5) Tips and tricks on backyard deep frying.

It’s Your Turn

Anxiety sucks. But there are ways to overcome it and I hope you have come away with inspiration on taming the negativity! Stop letting anxiety hold you back from living your best life. And don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you are struggling.

Don’t forget to drop a comment below with your tips on controlling anxiety! I’d also love to hear about videos you find hilarious or that keep you sane on a bad day!

How to Overcome Perfectionism

How to Overcome Perfectionism

Perfectionism is sneaky. It often starts as a coping mechanism when we’re young and unable to recognize its lies. Although it disguises itself as a desire for excellence, perfectionism is actually an intense fear of failure.

This fear has the power to destroy confidence, self-esteem, and relationships. It keeps those in its grasp believing that our worthiness comes from achievement. That we could never be valued or loved based solely upon our status as a human being.

Perfectionism is a toxic force which often associates with anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and even suicide.

If perfectionism is ruling your life, it’s time to set yourself free. Ditch the inner critic and choose peace. Start here.

The Perfectionism Myth

Perfectionism has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. It’s tough for me to recall a time when I didn’t obsess over every little detail of everything I do. Or procrastinate because I believe that I’ll never complete something to my own impossibly high standards.

It’s funny how quickly our own maladaptive coping strategies weave their way into our lives, blinding us to their truly negative impacts.

At least not until something challenges our inner world. Although I have recently had one of those “reality check” moments, I once regarded perfectionism as my super power. Deep down inside, I secretly believed that my success in life was directly related to my perfectionism.

I believed that my tendency to stubbornly cling to ridiculously high standards drove me to greater heights than I could otherwise achieve.

In fact, perfectionism eventually permeated my thinking to such a degree that living any other way was simply unimaginable. My constant need to control every aspect of my life was exhausting but felt safe. It wove its way into my very being, wreaking havoc on my motivation, confidence, and even my self-esteem.

And it all starts innocently enough, often with the simple desire to succeed. But instead of focusing on achieving success, the focus is on avoiding failure.

Over time, the focus continues to narrow in on avoiding failure. It consumes you and soon it’s nearly impossible to enjoy the journey because you’re too busy fixating on failure.

You tell yourself that you’ll be able to relax once you achieve the goal. Except the goal you’re going after is constantly moving. The bar is always being pushed higher.

And there is no celebration because perfection does not exist and you will therefore never achieve it. This is the myth of perfectionism.

You may also enjoy reading this post about overcoming self-doubt.

Signs of Perfectionism

Perfectionism can take many forms. It may show up in your life as rigid, all-or-nothing thinking. Soon this can morph into the desire for greater control. Then follows the nagging thought that if you only had more control, then you could achieve perfection.

Or maybe perfectionism manifests as having unreasonably high expectations of yourself or others. Thus the difficulties with achieving both inner peace and harmony with those around you. After all, it’s tough to have a sense of calm when nothing ever feels good enough.

It’s that voice in your head which points out every tiny mistake in an endless array of life scenarios. A misspelled word here or an awkward interaction there. Such mistakes may cause you to seriously question your worth as a person. How could anyone ever love you after such gigantic blunders?

Maybe you even find yourself feeling completely overwhelmed but unable to delegate anything to anyone else. After all, there’s no one who can do it like you do. No one else has the attention to detail or commitment to the project. It would only result in you needing to do everything all over again anyway.

Procrastination is perfectionism when you put off tasks due to fear of being unable to complete them to your high standards. You’ll never succeed anyway so what’s the point of starting?

And being unable to accept compliments from others is yet another sign perfectionism is ruling your life. Anyone who compliments you is clearly lying because there are a million things wrong with this project. Either that or they’re too oblivious to realize all the mistakes you made in its completion. And at the end of the day, neither scenario is flattering.

Perfectionism Holds You Back

Regardless of how perfectionism shows up in your life, it’s holding you back. It holds you back from your true potential, from authentic relationships with others, and ultimately, from happiness.

Perfectionism is a mask we use to hide our true selves from others. Something which starts as a coping mechanism evolves into a completely skewed view of the world.

Perfectionism has you believing that your worth is based upon your accomplishments. That you have to earn love and acceptance. And that showing your flaws to others will only push them further away from you.

Perfectionism keeps you from trying new things. It paralyzes you with fear of failure. And it keeps you stuck where you’re at.

The worst part about perfectionism is that it lulls you into a false sense of security. It feeds you the lie that you’re in control and as long as you’re calling the shots, nothing bad will ever happen.

But the truth is that as long as perfectionism is running the show, you’ll never be the person you were meant to be.

The person who simply tries their best and is ok with the rest.

Or the person who can actually kick back and relax without fearing the world is coming to an end.

And you’ll never find the inner peace of someone who accepts themselves for who they are, flaws and all.

As someone who has lived the lie of perfectionism for the past 20 years, my greatest wish for you is to find peace.

The Path to Recovery

If any of the above rings a little too true with you, congratulations! You have achieved the crucial first step of awareness. It has taken me years of discovery, self-development, and counseling to unpack the negative impact perfectionism has had on my outlook.

But I couldn’t have done it without opening up to someone. I had to let someone in so I could finally see that all my self-imposed rules were ridiculous. My goals were unattainable. And all the negativity was only feeding into my anxiety and depression.

Perfectionism tends to keep you locked in your head avoiding action. But opening up to someone you trust releases those thoughts and gives you outside perspective.

Although friends and family are great for support, I recommend finding a professional, at least in the beginning of your journey. A neutral third party, such as a counselor, is essential for giving you completely unbiased feedback.

Loved ones mean well but they often have their own opinions about your life. This can actually be counterproductive when trying to break free from people pleasing perfectionist tendencies. Their feedback has the potential to trigger the perfectionism in such subtle ways that in many cases, you will be completely unaware of it.

A trained professional can help you identify these behavioral patterns. They can also help you develop ways to overcome them.

Although I have been known to joke about my perfectionist tendencies, it is a serious issue which requires attention. Just the other day I read an article about a beautiful woman and mom of 3 little ones who struggled with perfectionism and unfortunately, took her own life. Her family was very clear that perfectionism was a contributor to her suicide.

Get the help that you need now to overcome the negativity. You matter!

Stop Comparing

Comparison is a slippery slope to perpetual unhappiness. There will always be someone out there who is prettier than you. Smarter than you. Wealthier than you. And someone who has a better Instagram feed than you.

Their house is bigger, cleaner, and more tastefully decorated. Maybe their kids are better-behaved and their husband does all the cooking. They’re always driving late model SUVs. And they were recently promoted at work.

There will always be someone out there who appears to be further ahead than you are. It’s a fact of life.

The reality is that we all struggle in one way or another. Perfectionism wants you to believe that you are the only one struggling.

It has you believing that you need to look and act a certain way to gain the approval of others. That you will never receive love or acceptance if anyone sees the messy parts of you.

Perfectionism is a liar.

We all have messy parts in our lives. Everyone struggles, fails, and starts all over again at some point in their lives. Not one of us has gone through life without failing at some point.

There is no such thing as perfection. It doesn’t exist.

So stop the comparison trap. Turn off social media. Take time to do those things which make you feel good about yourself and who you are.

Meditate. Exercise. Journal.

Do whatever it is that makes you feel like the person you were created to be.

You may also enjoy reading this post about comparison.

A Word About Self-Talk

Self-talk is the language we use with ourselves. It includes both the easier to identify conscious and the more subtle subconscious.

What does your self-talk sound like? Is it encouraging and uplifting? Or does it sound more like the mean girls from middle school?

If you’re struggling with perfectionism, chances are good that your self-talk is the latter. It’s time to put those mean girls in their place. Middle school is over. You’re an adult and as a human being, you deserve better than that.

Start paying attention to the words you use with yourself. If you’re having difficulty identifying whether or not your self-talk is positive, write down your thoughts and read them out loud.

I had no idea how truly hurtful my self-talk was until I started asking myself whether I would say the thought out loud to a friend. It’s shocking how clear the nature of your self-talk becomes when you use this filter.

And I became immediately aware of just how critical I had become of myself.

Self-talk is powerful. It can either build you up or tear you down. It’s the most frequent voice you hear so you owe it to yourself to make it a positive one.

Mute the inner critic. I promise that you will miss her even less than your 8th grade bully!

Shift Your Mindset

Once you begin working on your self-talk, it’s time to tackle your mindset. Perfectionism has you believing things are black and white. Gray doesn’t exist. There is only success or failure.

Perfectionism is a liar.

There is a gray and it’s the place where the most growth happens.

Failure can never exist if you instead re-frame it as learning.

Whenever something doesn’t work out as planned, you have a choice. You can either allow yourself to be defeated or you can pick yourself up and try again. Learn from the experience and apply those lessons toward a different future outcome.

Perfectionism has you believing that you are powerless. A victim to circumstance.

But do you want to live your life that way? Wouldn’t you rather be the heroine of your own story? The person who never gives up and never surrenders?

I do.

Shift your mindset. Embrace failure as an opportunity for growth. Remember that failure can never exist if you learn and grow from it.

Ditch the black and white thinking and start living in the gray.

You may also enjoy reading this post about achieving a positive mindset.

Live, Laugh, Love

Perfectionism is an evil cloud blocking out the sun in your life. It’s time to get serious about confronting its subtle lies.

You deserve happiness. Life is messy and unpredictable. But you are more powerful than you realize. You are the heroine of your story and can overcome anything, even perfectionism.

Stop hiding behind the lies and start living. Don’t let its lies steal even one more moment of happiness from you.

Get the help you deserve.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on how perfectionism holds you back and what you’re doing to overcome it below!

How to Stay Motivated When Things Get Tough

How to Stay Motivated When Things Get Tough

Have you ever been in that place where you have the best of intentions but just can’t seem to follow through?

You have goals. Big goals that you’ve been working hard to accomplish. But then something happens. Maybe you get sick. Or are asked to put in more hours at work. Schools suddenly close due to a deadly virus and now the education of your children rests squarely in your hands. And by the way, who ever thought that last one would be an actual thing? Definitely not me!

Whatever the cause, you suddenly find your goals pushed off to the wayside.

It’s in these moments that all the hard work we have put toward our goals can quickly be derailed. Our formerly helpful routines are upset and progress grinds to a halt. We suddenly find it difficult to stay motivated.

It happens to all of us at one time or another. The punches life throws seem greater than we can handle. We get knocked down. Thrown off course. Sidetracked.

Illusion vs. Reality

A series of unfortunate events has recently cascaded into my own life, throwing me into a place of emotional angst. Events both at work and at home have taken their toll and I’m just plain tired.

In these moments it’s so easy to let overwhelm take over. It’s tempting to give in to the negative self-talk fueled by anxiety, self-doubt, and fatigue. Giving up on your goals seems like the only reasonable option in an otherwise challenging situation. It even seems as if relief from the all-consuming pressure is waiting just on the other side of admitting defeat.

But is it really?

Or is the relief only an illusion? A figment of your imagination which only exists in the place where it’s created. Is it possible that the relief is only temporary and regret over giving up will soon replace the relief?

Granted, there are situations when we make a conscious decision to shift gears on our goals. Maybe we start down a path only to discover that it’s not the right one for us. Or maybe we don’t actually enjoy doing the thing as much as we thought we would.

Those are not the situations I am referring to.

The situations I’m talking about are the ones where we enjoy pursuing our goals and they fit nicely into our talent set. But life happens and we suddenly decide that everything else is more important and therefore worthy of our time. We lose motivation. Suddenly our goals are tossed aside and no longer prioritized. After a while, we stop actively pursuing them altogether, essentially giving up on our dreams.

Stay Motivated

Let me ask you this…

If the goal was important enough to pursue in the first place, wouldn’t accomplishing that goal feel infinitely better than any temporary relief from giving up?

But how can you get back on track when everything else gets in the way and your motivation is nowhere to be found?

It’s not easy. I’ve been in that place of defeat so many times. I’m a firm believer that the only failure in life is giving up and having given up repeatedly in the past has only served to make me wiser in the present.

If you too are interested in how to stay motivated when life gets tough, I’ve got you covered!

1. Take a Break

Life is busy and some seasons are busier than others. If you are feeling overwhelmed and are finding it difficult to stay motivated, then maybe it’s time to take a breather.

It’s simply not possible to excel at everything all the time. We are human and regularly need rest, even from our biggest goals.

As a type A perfectionist, I’ve had to learn these truths over and over and over again. For the longest time, I equated rest with failure. I felt that if I wasn’t firing on all cylinders all the time then I was failing.

But the truth is that rest can actually make you better. Rest makes you stronger and is a necessary part of growth.

Think about the last time you woke up in the morning after a great night of sleep. Remember that feeling of being able to take on anything? Now think back to a time when you woke after a terrible night of sleep. I’m not sure about you but on those mornings simply getting through the day seems a task of monumental proportions.

Rest and a clear head enable us to take on anything. Sometimes the inability to stay motivated is a clear sign that we are tired.

Taking a break can also help you to see your goal through new eyes. Stepping away can fuel your passion for the project and give you an opportunity to re-evaluate your goals without giving up entirely.

Make a plan for how long you plan to step away and how you will pick back up again when the rest period is over. Planning out your rest gives you accountability and a sense of purpose, essential components for continued productivity.

2. Stay Motivated By Getting Out of Your Head

Have you ever geared yourself up for something and then talked yourself out of it at the last minute? I can’t even count how many times I’ve self-sabotaged this way!

It goes something like this. Let’s say you’re trying to get back into exercising on a regular basis. Tomorrow is leg day and you plan to wake up early to hit the gym. Your alarm goes off at 5 a.m. as planned. But your bed suddenly feels amazingly comfortable and you have zero motivation to follow through in this moment. You begin looking for every excuse in the book to stay cozy instead of hitting the gym.

And so you tell yourself that rest is equally as important as exercise. You reset your alarm and snooze further and further from your fitness goals.

You’re self-sabotaging.

We do this to ourselves so many times and in so many different ways! In those moments when it’s tough to stay motivated we instead give up and give in. We stay in our heads instead of taking action towards our goals.

Going after a new goal requires effort. Goals often demand change and sacrifice. In most cases, you are setting up entirely new routines and in so doing, are going against those previously set.

Ultimately only you can decide whether accomplishing your goals is worth the sacrifice of change. But if the goal is important to you, accomplishment will likely outweigh the discomfort of change.

Make the goal and instead of thinking your way out of it, take action.

No one feels motivated to work hard 100% of the time. Action is what moves us closer to our goals and unfortunately, thinking often gets in the way of action. Stop feeding into the lie that you must feel motivated to take action.

Get out of your head and take the first step.

You may also enjoy reading this post about how to stop caring what everyone else thinks.

3. Add Some Fun

Is it possible that your inability to stay motivated could actually be related to a loss of fun?

Although accomplishing any goal requires a certain amount of hard work, no one said it had to be boring!

Sometimes we set goals around activities we enjoy. This is not necessarily a bad thing but when we focus more on the goal than enjoying the activity itself, we set ourselves up for burnout. (I’m talking to you, type A perfectionists!)

It can be all too easy to lose sight of why we started in the first place.

Instead of giving up entirely when your motivation lags, look for ways to add fun back into the equation. Focus on the specific activities which brighten your day and add meaning to your life. Do more of what you love and revel in the feeling it gives you!

4. Stay Motivated by Celebrating Your Wins

If you’re the type of person who simply checks a box and moves on to the next goal, it’s time to consider celebrating your wins. Failure to do so quickly adds up, eventually leading to an inability to stay motivated.

This is a definite area of struggle for me. I find myself tackling one goal after the next without so much as time to breathe in between. After a while, accomplishing goals begins to feel mundane instead of triumphant. Goal attainment can quickly become an obligation instead of a privilege.

Taking time to celebrate even the smallest of victories puts the joy back into what you do. It also gives you the opportunity to reflect back upon all the hard work and sacrifice which went into this amazing accomplishment.

Celebrating wins is a new concept but one I’ve started embracing in my own life. It can take time to get used to looking for wins but if you stick with it, the pay-off is huge!

Start incorporating this practice into your life by attaching a reward to a specific behavior. Going back to the exercise example from above, consider a small reward for yourself after completing a certain number of workouts. After hitting your goal, make sure you actually follow through with the promised reward. It’s not enough to simply tell yourself that you will celebrate … you have to actually celebrate!

5. Find Motivation Outside Yourself

If you are still unable to stay motivated after working through all of the above, it’s time to seek outside motivation.

This may come in the form of advice from a trusted friend or accountability partner. You may find motivation in your favorite TED talk. It may also come from your favorite “stop waiting for life to happen and make your own way” kick-in-the-pants podcast.

Wherever it comes from, there’s a ton of great motivation out there if you know where to look. Sometimes all it takes to get back on track is a quick blog post, a list of the most powerful motivational quotes, or a YouTube video.

The motivation is out there but it’s up to you to go out there and find it.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes to get you started!

“All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.”

Walt Disney

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.”

Mark Twain

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”

Nelson Mandela

“Well done is better than well said.”

Benjamin Franklin

“Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.

Oprah Winfrey

You may also enjoy reading this post about living with intention.

Go Out There and Be Awesome!

The truth is that everyone loses motivation at one point or another. But there is one key difference between those who succeed and those who don’t.

That difference is persistence.

Successful people know that relying solely on motivation when going after goals will result in failure every time. In order to succeed, you must plan for those times when you simply don’t feel like doing the things you need to do to get where you want to go.

You have to be prepared to never give up because success could be hiding just around the next corner.

I truly hope you have found tips to help you stay motivated toward your goals even in the toughest of times! Look for every opportunity to add a little fun back into your life and to reward yourself for all that hard work!

And don’t forget to share this post if you found something useful or drop a comment below with your main take-aways.

Now get out there and be the awesome person you are!

You may also enjoy reading this post about conquering self-doubt.

5 Ways You Can Conquer Self-Doubt

5 Ways You Can Conquer Self-Doubt

“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”

Sylvia Plath

Self-doubt is sneaky. It swoops in, stealing your confidence, your productivity, and most of all, your self-esteem.

There are many ways in which self-doubt can show up in your life. You may have vague feelings that you aren’t good enough or that you can’t handle what life throws at you. Or you may have overwhelming feelings of defeat regardless of the goal you are seeking to accomplish.

Self-doubt shows up in my own life as a place of inactivity. It leaves me constantly questioning whether or not to move forward with new ideas and keeps me stuck where I’m at. This negative mindset tends to feed into my perfectionist tendencies and keeps me stuck in the procrastination zone.

I have allowed self-doubt to creep in so many times. Sometimes I wonder how much farther along I would be in certain areas of my life if only I had refused to let self-doubt take over.

But we can’t spend our lives looking in the rearview mirror. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and resolve to do better tomorrow.

There are many reasons why we struggle with self-doubt. We may be carrying false beliefs from childhood. Or maybe we have had failed experiences in the past causing us to lose confidence in ourselves. After all, we failed once. What’s stopping us from failing again?

Whatever the cause, self-doubt holds us back from our full potential.

After realizing just how much self-doubt was preventing my own growth, I devoted time and research into figuring out how to overcome it. Although there are still times when I give in, my awareness of its effects has increased. Self-doubt is therefore much easier to spot early on which means I can quickly deploy tactics to divert it in its tracks.

1. Conquer Self-Doubt Through Awareness

“Being self-aware is not the absence of mistakes, but the ability to learn and correct them.”

Daniel Chidiac

As with many things in life, awareness is the very first step. It’s tough to fix something if you’re completely unaware it’s an issue.

But how do you know whether self-doubt is what’s holding you back?

Your self talk often holds the answer to this question. During moments of fear, doubt, and overwhelm, do you find yourself thinking any of the following questions?

  • “I’m not good enough to do this.”
  • “I just can’t do it.”
  • “This is too hard.”
  • “I don’t know how to move forward and even if I did, I would probably fail.”
  • “I’ll never be able to accomplish that.”

If the above comments sound familiar, chances are good that you are struggling with self-doubt. Recognition is powerful. It’s the key to changing this negative mindset.

Because the truth is, you can accomplish things. Big things. Hard things. Seemingly impossible things.

“Whether you think you can, or think you can’t … you’re right.”

Henry Ford

But first your mind has to be in the right place. And being frozen by self-doubt is decidedly NOT the right place.

Practice identifying the subtle negativity hidden in your own self talk. If you are feeling overwhelmed by self-doubt, stop and ask yourself whether you would say these things aloud to someone else.

Chances are good that you wouldn’t. And if you wouldn’t say them to someone else, don’t say them to yourself either.

Stop self-doubt in its tracks by putting a name to it and refusing to feed into the negativity.

Take a vow to stop getting in your own way!

You may also enjoy reading this post about achieving a positive mindset.

2. Get Back to the Basics

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”

Lucille Ball

Banishing self-doubt requires confidence in yourself. It requires confidence in your decisions, abilities, and in who you are as a person. And there’s no better way to start than by showing yourself some much-deserved love.

Taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually is crucial. You can’t build a house without a solid foundation and basic self-care practices form the foundation of success.

Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep are all requirements for success. Without these pillars, it’s almost impossible to move forward.

Although there have been times in my life when I have struggled with all three, sleep deprivation has by far been the most personally troublesome. Whether the lack of sleep was related to new babies or stress, those were some of the most challenging times in my life. Sleep deprivation robbed me of my motivation and hung over my life like a haze.

I can still remember walking around like I was auditioning for the part of a zombie extra in The Walking Dead. Waking up utterly exhausted day after day actually caused me to wonder whether I had some type of sleep disorder.

It was during this time in my life that my self-doubt was at an all time high.

I questioned everything. Each and every seemingly insignificant decision became a matter of life or death. From second guessing dinner plans to what I had chosen to wear for work that morning, everything became a big deal. I was constantly doubting myself.

Although I was eventually able to get my sleep back on track, it was a long road to where I’m at now. The road back did start with sleep testing, a story you can find here. It continued with learning everything possible about how to better manage my sleep patterns.

Even today, I am fiercely protective of my sleep because I know what happens when I don’t get enough. And I never want to be in that place again.

Although sleep is my weakness, you may find that self-doubt creeps into your own life when your diet is off. Or when you stop exercising. You may even find that when you stop taking time to pursue meaningful activities, self-doubt sets up a stronghold.

Take some time today to make sure the basics are present in your life. And if they aren’t, what can you change to make things better?

3. Remember Past Success

“Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome.”

Unknown

Our mind plays so many tricks on us. If we listen to the negativity, we are suddenly convinced that we are the only ones in the world struggling. No one else could possibly be going what we’re going through.

And nothing we’ve done has been as difficult as whatever hurdle we’re facing. This is by far the toughest thing we’ve ever encountered. And there’s no way we can overcome it because nothing we’ve done has ever prepared us for this.

But is that actually true?

NO!

It’s a lie fabricated by your subconscious to protect you from the unknown. Our brains are wired to keep us safe. By sticking to what we know, we are lulled into a false sense of security.

But this is absolutely not the case!

It’s in these moments that we tend to forget all our truly amazing accomplishments! The things that you once thought were truly impossible but yet somehow attained.

Moments of self-doubt are the perfect time to recall all of those incredible feats. You have, in fact, done hard things. Very hard things. Even in those times when you did not do what you set out to, you learned. As long as you were able to take something away from the experience, consider it a win.

Write down the actions which have brought pride. Keeping track of your accomplishments and learning experiences will give you a bank to draw from when self-doubt tries to halt your progress.

You’ve done plenty of hard things in the past. And you’re definitely up for the challenge of tackling more in the future!

You may also enjoy reading this post about identifying your strengths.

4. Be You

“To be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

E. E. Cummings

You are unique. There’s no one in this world quite like you. And the world needs your exclusive blend of personality, interests, and talents! The authentic you, imperfections and all.

No one needs some watered down version of who you truly are. We need the real you!

And guess what? You’ll never be anyone else so you might as well be the absolute best version of yourself!

You may be wondering what any of this has to do with self-doubt. I know it may seem off topic but it actually has everything to do with this negative mindset trap.

Just as self-doubt has a greater chance of sneaking in when you’re not paying attention to your health and wellness, so too does it creep in when you’re paying too much attention to other people.

Self-doubt often occurs in relation to other people. Situations in which we either compare ourselves to others or situations in which we are too absorbed in what others think of us.

Either situation quickly fans the flames of self-doubt, causing it to rage out of control.

The truth is that you are you. You can never be anyone else. Comparing yourself to anyone other than who you were in the past is a waste of precious time and energy.

People tend to show us their best sides. Their sunny sides. We typically don’t see the storms or secret battles they wage within. There’s no way of knowing just how much they’ve had to wade through to get where they are today.

So stop the comparison trap. You’ll be happier for it!

And stop worrying about what other people think. It’s impossible to simultaneously please everyone in your life. So please the person who actually matters and who you have full control over … you.

Be you!

5. Conquer Self-Doubt by Taking Action

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

Dale Carnegie

Self-doubt thrives in small, dark places. It looks for each and every tiny insecurity you have about yourself and grows it from a seedling of doubt into a gigantic, tangling jungle of negativity. After awhile, the jungle of self-doubt chokes out your confidence and so deeply entwines you in its tangles that it’s nearly impossible to overcome.

Self-doubt, if allowed to grow, keeps you stuck where you’re at. And stuck feels safe. Staying where we’re at is familiar. Our subconscious loves familiar because it knows exactly what to expect. There are no surprises. No possible hidden threats.

Except that one big, hairy gigantic threat. The threat of you believing the lies stemming from your own insecurities.

But how do you overcome the tangled jungle of self-doubt?

You take action.

It starts with the smallest possible step. Once you tackle the first step, move on to the second. And so on and so forth.

With each step, your confidence grows. Every step is an opportunity to chop away at that tangled mess just a little bit more.

But the longer you stay stuck in your head, endlessly pondering worst-case scenarios, the tougher it will be to take a step forward. Stop ruminating! Take action! Messy, imperfect, forward, and enthusiastic action.

You may enjoy reading this post about living with intention.

It’s Your Turn

Overcoming self-doubt is far from easy. It requires consistency and the desire to overcome a negative mindset which is holding you back from your full potential.

If you are feeling overwhelmed and uncertain on a consistent basis, it may be time to seek medical care. You may have an underlying condition contributing to your mindset and would benefit from accurate treatment. Getting help just might be the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself!

And talk with someone you trust about what you’re going through. They may be able to give you insight into the mental blocks holding you back. Chances are, they can actually help you dispel some of that negativity and move you toward taking action.

I hope you have found a few helpful tips on your journey toward conquering self-doubt! Don’t forget to comment below about what you found useful and where self-doubt is showing up in your life.

Now get out there and take action today!

Are You Ready to Improve Your Piano Playing?

Are You Ready to Improve Your Piano Playing?

When was the last time you played something really well? So well that you not only nailed the fingerings and dynamics but were also able to bring a level of artistic emotional expression unlike any previous performances? Maybe the more important question is what are you doing to improve your piano playing?

My favorite feeling in the world is learning the technical elements of a piece to the point where I’m free to artistically express myself through the music. As with many things in life, learning to play the piano well is a little bit of art and a little bit of science.

And a whole lot of practice!

I’m constantly looking for tips and tricks on becoming a better pianist. Whether it’s technique, tools in the practice room, or even total body wellness advice, every little bit helps. After all, we didn’t start playing the piano to stay stuck where we’re at. No one wants to keep playing the same piece over and over and over.

We started playing so we could improve our skills and play tougher and tougher pieces. Regardless of the level you’re at, these tips will improve your piano playing!

Disclosure: Please keep in mind that some of the links in this post are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase I will earn a commission. I link to these companies and their products because of their quality and not because of the commission I receive from your purchases. The decision is yours. Please read my disclosures for more information.

1. Improve Your Piano Playing by Practicing Consistently

This one almost speaks for itself but there is no improvement if there is no practice. It’s easy to say but sometimes tough to put into practice.

After high school, I pursued a fine arts degree studying piano in college. Although I had played piano since the age of 7, I had never developed solid practice habits.

Once I entered college, I was expected to learn a certain number of pieces each semester. And I struggled because of my terrible practice habits as the only consistency was the inconsistency.

There were weeks when I would practice on a daily basis. On other weeks, I would go several days without practicing at all. And then became extremely disappointed when I had a lesson full of wrong notes and expressionless playing. I slowly became convinced that I was simply not talented enough.

But the truth is that effort trumps talent every time.

The key is figuring out how to incorporate the required effort into your daily routine. Not an easy feat when you’re a busy adult with a multitude of reponsibilities and obligations!

Despite being married, working full-time, and having 3 kids, my practice is now more consistent than ever. It’s somewhat ironic that my practice consistency improves at a point in my life when I have the least time to play piano.

Do you want to know my secret?

A few years ago, I discovered an app. This app was designed by musicians for musicians to maximize practice sessions. It tracks your practice sessions and has a built in metronome and timer. The feature which has been most useful in improving my consistency however is the daily tracker. It keeps track of how many days in a row you’ve practiced and seeing another day added after each daily session is incredibly motivating!

My current practice streak is 270 days without missing a session. And let me just say that on those days when I don’t feel like practicing, the thought of starting the streak all over again is worse than putting in even a few minutes at the keyboard.

This app also has another useful feature relevant to the next tip to improve your piano playing.

You may also enjoy reading this post about maximizing your piano practice.

2. Improve Your Piano Playing with Goals

Back in the day, I had no idea what I should be doing when I practiced. I was under the false assumption that if I repeated something enough times, it would spontaneously improve.

Wrong!

Mindless repetition is the fastest way to wrong notes, technical errors, and shaky (at best!) memorization.

Mindful, goal-oriented practice is essential if your goal is to improve your piano playing!

This is an area I continue to work on because I spent so many years mindlessly repeating without analyzing what I was playing. I still find myself falling back into the old trap of sitting down to practice without any type of plan for what I’m going to work on.

And in many cases, those are the practice sessions when I feel the least inspired. Those are the sessions I look back on as wasted time because how can you make progress if you have no idea what you’re working toward?

You need a plan for each and every practice session!

And this is where the app comes back in.

This magical app allows you to enter goals and then rate your progress toward achieving them. It then keeps track of all your goals and tallies them as you go along. On those days when you’re lacking motivation, you can look back at all you’ve accomplished and move forward with renewed energy!

The app even has suggestions for areas to work on in case you’re at a loss for where to even start with setting goals.

This app is phenomenal and I can’t recommend it more highly when you are trying to improve your piano playing!

Check it out here.

3. Improve your Piano Playing with Online Resources

Back in the dark ages of my college years, there were very few online resources to supplement my learning. Or at least none that I found to be both reputable and beneficial.

And so I turned to books for inspiration and guidance on becoming a more well-rounded pianist. I did find several great writings which improved various aspects of my playing.

But books have their limitations. Especially when you are learning a physical skill and are not simply seeking knowledge on a topic. The transfer of information from your brain to your fingers can be tricky, especially when you have no way to observe someone doing what you are attempting.

Although I continued to read various books and do recommend it as one method to improve your piano playing, it has its barriers.

And then one day about a year ago, I was listening to a podcast. It was an interview with Dr. Josh Wright, a renowned pianist who has also obtained a Doctor of Musical Arts degree and is passionate about teaching students of various levels. I learned that he had a YouTube channel dedicated to piano teaching videos so I decided to check it out.

And what I found was exceptionally helpful! His videos address technical challenges, practice strategies, and even performance issues for a wide range of learners.

I began following his channel and immediately recognized transformation in my own playing. Subtle tips and tricks here and there pushed me to greater heights in my own abilities. He even addresses performance anxiety, an area where I have always struggled, in such a unique and interesting way that it’s nearly impossible to not see improvement after watching it. I began to embrace performance as an opportunity to enjoy sharing my passion with others instead of mentally framing it as something to fear.

His videos also encouraged me to take a hard look at my practice habits and routines. He inspired me to continue learning and improving!

You may also enjoy reading this post about the benefits of learning piano as an adult.

4. Improve your Piano Playing with Expert Guidance

Prior to stumbling upon Dr. Wright’s work, I had been somewhat at a loss as to how to further my piano skills as an adult. Classical piano has always been my passion however many of these pieces are technically demanding and require some degree of guidance.

I now look back at my weekly piano lessons in college with my instructor who had obtained a DMA with regret as I definitely did not make the most of them. Looking back, there is so much more I would love to have conquered in those days. Back in the days when I had all the time in the world. Today I’m lucky if I can squeeze a quick 20 minutes of practice in, much less find the time to attend lessons!

Over the past few years, I have taken lessons occasionally from faculty at local colleges. One faculty member teaches an hour away and to study with him requires an approximate 3 hour time commitment including drive time. And if I want time to warm-up prior to the lesson, it requires even more of a time commitment. It’s simply not always feasible to carve out that kind of time from my weekly schedule.

Yes, studying with a teacher is absolutely ideal for so many reasons. It’s tough to beat one-on-one feedback when you are trying to improve your piano playing.

A teacher can also inspire and motivate you to make more progress than you would independently. Not to mention the fact that many of us make more improvements when we have accountability from someone else.

But trying to locate someone with an advanced degree in the field can be challenging. Trying to locate someone with openings is doubly challenging.

And so I began searching for ways to gain knowledge from a piano expert without having to sacrifice gigantic chunks of time to do so. It took a bit of time to figure it out but I finally discovered a way to learn all the tips, tricks, and secrets of the expert pianists at my convenience.

I discovered Dr. Wright’s ProPractice course.

5. Improve your Piano Playing with this Secret Weapon

The ProPractice course solved both my need to gain expert advice and to conserve my time. It gave me a way to pick and choose what I wanted to work on when I wanted to work on it.

The course is designed to take you from beginner through expert via a series of videos. And obviously a lot of practice as you can only get out of it what you put into it!

The videos are divided out by stage (beginner, intermediate, advanced) so you can choose where you’d like to focus your time based upon your current level. I have even found value in watching the beginner videos as there is great emphasis on the fundamentals of playing, aspects which are crucial when playing at the more advanced levels.

Dr. Wright tackles common roadblocks to making progress in your playing at each of the levels and does so with such encouragement that he truly inspires you to keep going.

His clear explanations and down-to-earth conversive style throughout the videos makes his talents as not only an outstanding performer but also gifted educator abundantly clear. Not every “expert” is a competent educator but he is a delightfully unique combination of both.

In my opinion, the ProPractice course is a powerful secret weapon which will greatly improve your piano playing! It is an especially relevant option during a time when social distancing is encouraged.

It’s Your Turn

Whether you are a beginner, have been playing awhile, or have performed the 2nd Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto, I hope you have found something useful in your quest to improve your piano playing. Sometimes all it takes to move forward is a reminder of the basics and where you started in the first place.

And a little encouragement never hurt anyone either!

If it’s practice you’re struggling with, check out the app here. It will revolutionize how you approach your next practice session!

And if you’re ready to dive into some great free online resources, don’t forget to subscribe to Dr. Wright’s YouTube channel.

If you’re curious about the ProPractice course, check out this video he put out during the COVID-19 pandemic where he discusses how to get access to a sample of the course. This course is such an incredible resource to improve your piano playing regardless of your current level so it is definitely worth your time to take a look!

As always, please drop a comment below on what you have found most valuable about this post. Where are you currently struggling to improve your piano playing? What are your current piano goals?

Quarantine Truths: What I’ve Learned So Far

Quarantine Truths: What I’ve Learned So Far

Quarantine … like it or not, it’s been here for awhile now.

It’s hard to say exactly how long it will be around but here in Wisconsin, we’re bracing for at least another month.

I’m doing my very best to stay positive and to continue learning and growing through the chaos.

And do you know what?

I don’t absolutely hate quarantine.

But I do hate bats.

I can handle basically any other creepy, crawly critter out there.

Snakes?

I once killed one with a shovel.

Mice?

I don’t like them but they’re not the worst thing in the world.

And spiders?

I’ve probably killed every single one I’ve ever met.

Bats on the other hand … WORST. CREATURES. EVER.

You may be asking yourself why I’m starting a post on what I’ve learned during quarantine with a rant about bats.

The answer is that I was reading an article about COVID-19 in a medical journal the other day and it is believed to have originated in bats.

Our world is a chaotic place right now, all thanks to a disgusting bat.

And did you know that bats carry rabies?

This is a fact I’ve known since the age of 5 and is probably the reason why I’ve always despised them.

It’s a fact my husband has frequently argued with me as he mistakenly believes rats carry rabies.

I laugh every time he tries to argue the point with me.

He’s obviously got this one incredibly wrong.

He even taped a news segment one time about rabies transmission and triumphantly announced that it featured rats.

Except when we pushed play, the news segment was actually about bats.

Boom.

I win again.

Marriage, like an episode of Whose Line is it Anyway, is the place where everything is made up and the points don’t matter.

Much like our world right now.

You may enjoy reading this article about rekindling the romance in your relationship.

My Work Life

Quarantine has changed the way we live.

My husband and I are both considered essential employees and as such are still going to work every morning.

Just like before.

As a nurse practitioner who sees patients in the nursing home, my position involves working with one of the populations most vulnerable to COVID-19.

My husband’s position as a nursing home administrator also places him squarely in the center of hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

Those of us who work in this setting are doing our very best to make decisions which are in the best interest of the population we care for.

But this is not an easy task in the midst of such an unprecedented event.

The rules are changing rapidly.

Sometimes even on an hourly basis.

Quarantine = Change

And the truth is that no one really knows with 100% certainty what should be done right now.

Although I am new to the position of nurse practitioner, I was a nurse for 9 years prior to graduating with a doctor of nursing practice degree.

In terms of practice area and personality, there are many different types of nurses out there.

But I am the type of nurse who thrives on organization and structure.

I appreciate consistency and clear guidelines.

Unfortunately, there is no such thing right now.

Everyone is in survival mode.

Every morning when I walk into work, the only thing I’m certain of is that there will be some type of change.

Sometimes these changes are big, such as when nursing homes made the very difficult decision to prevent viral spread by prohibiting visitors.

I had honestly never considered a world where families couldn’t visit their loved ones.

And having had a multi-week hospitalization during my last pregnancy, I can tell you how much those face-to-face visits meant to me.

But I do know that the decision to lock down facilities was not made lightly.

On other days I walk in to small changes.

Fewer people to see on a daily basis because hospitals are limiting elective procedures and there are fewer people sent for rehabilitation in the nursing home.

The need to wear masks all day long.

And having my temperature taken upon entry to the building every single morning.

Change is tough!

Especially when uncertainty hangs in the air like a thick, black cloud.

Despite the rapid pace at which these changes are made, I’m surviving.

I’m learning that I can survive, no matter what.

Quarantine Means New Opportunities

Each day brings a new opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and to become a stronger person for it.

And guess what?

You too are surviving massive change.

The world is a different place right now but it’s not all bad.

Pollution over major cities has decreased dramatically.

We are spending more time with our families.

Embrace this time we’ve been given.

If you, like me, are that person who loves structure and organization, now is the best time to practice adapting to change.

Because if you can make it through this with even half your sanity, you truly can make it through anything!

You may also enjoy reading this article about finding peace despite chaos.

My Home Life

Quarantine has impacted my work life in big and small ways but has definitely not spared my home life either.

Two of my three kiddos were in school and the third was happily thriving in daycare prior to the ensuing chaos.

Unfortunately my daycare closed at the exact same time school closed.

Thankfully we have been able to find several awesome sitters to watch our kiddos while we truck off to work each morning.

I couldn’t be more thankful for these wonderful sitters who bring structure and creativity to my kids.

Because my husband and I have no energy left at the end of the day to engage them in any type of project, creative or otherwise.

My social media feeds are filled with pictures of kids actively engaged in learning at home.

I am not that mom.

Household Homeschooling Coordinator

My aspirations have NEVER included homeschooling.

And I have zero confidence this will change at any point in the near future.

Unfortunately, yesterday we officially received word that schools (in Wisconsin anyway) would not open back up for the remainder of the school year.

Bummer.

Up until now, I had been coasting by on the thought that in all probability, schools would be back in session at some point this year.

Surely my kids would not have to depend upon my half-hearted efforts to replicate a lesson plan which resembles those of their talented teachers.

Teachers who have spent considerable time, energy, and effort to hone their craft.

Dedicated men and women who actually enjoy and excel at engaging kids in learning.

Have I mentioned how much appreciation and respect I have for teachers?

I recognize how tough but important their job is and feel ill-prepared to assume anything which resembles teaching.

I’ve been engaging my kids in activities only deemed educational through a very large stretch of the imagination.

Example …

The other night, the moon was huge.

I thought it would be the perfect opportunity for a science lesson.

Because anything involving the moon is science, right?

So I called my kindergartener over and pointed it out.

It took a minute but he finally spotted the gigantic moon through the neighbor’s tree.

He gazed at it for a bit before he asked if he was bigger than the moon.

My obviously very intelligent response (sarcasm) was that the moon was much, much bigger than him.

I’m not sure whether he accepted my answer or not but he shrugged his shoulders and headed off to bed.

As he walked away, I had a moment of guilt and defeat.

“I should have planned out some type of fun learning activity for him instead of letting him sit in front of the TV tonight. Why am I failing at this?”

Parenting Through Quarantine

But the truth is that we can’t do and be everything to everyone.

We have all been given certain talents, time, and energy.

And we have to make the most out of what we’ve been given.

Living in a place of guilt and defeat is not the best we can do.

Figuring out how to use our strengths to the best of our ability is the place we need to strive for.

So what does this mean for my newly appointed status as household homeschooling coordinator?

I am striving to intentionally interact with my kids in ways which also stimulate their minds.

This may be as simple as reading books with them or including them in the preparation of meals.

Going for walks and throwing out math problems are also included.

I am trying to make everyday activities more educational but also giving myself grace to just enjoy my time with them.

If you too are freaked out by the pressure to assume the household homeschool coordinator role, dial down the pressure.

Your kids will be fine, even if school doesn’t start up again until next fall or later.

Do the best you can to be present with them and don’t worry about the rest!

Let’s take this opportunity to support ourselves and do what works for our families.

You may also enjoy reading this article about overcoming mom guilt.

It’s Your Turn

Quarantine is the perfect opportunity to evaluate your own life.

What makes you happy?

Are there aspects of your life which are completely draining you emotionally?

Where are the areas you need change and adaptation to keep moving forward instead of remaining stuck?

How can you become more of the person you were meant to be?

And where do you need to give yourself grace?

Quarantine is a reset button for all of us.

Take this opportunity to celebrate areas of your life which are going well and to re-evaluate areas where change is needed.

Always remember that you’re stronger than you think you are.

You will make it through this a better person than you were before because with each day that passes, you’re only getting better!

Don’t forget to comment below on what you’ve learned since quarantine!

I’d love to hear the big and small changes quarantine is bringing out in your own life!

Imposter Syndrome Is Holding You Back

Imposter Syndrome Is Holding You Back

Imposter syndrome shows up in our lives in various ways.

It holds us back from reaching our full potential and is, unfortunately, incredibly insidious.

I have always remembered feeling as if I didn’t deserve the successes I’ve had in life.

As if somehow luck rather than skill has been responsible for where I am today.

Last year, for example, I graduated from a fairly intense 3-year doctor of nursing practice program.

Despite getting all A’s other than one A- (thank you first semester pathophysiology!) in graduate-level nursing classes, I was unable to shake the feeling that I wasn’t smart enough to succeed in this field.

As if I made it through by chance instead of by working hard.

And everyone around me was smarter and way more capable than I.

Graduation day!

Mysteriously Vague Feelings of Being an Imposter

I have always been a high-achiever with perfectionist tendencies and have trouble acknowledging my own success.

It’s tough to feel good about something when you live in constant fear that you will, at some point, be discovered as a fraud.

Or when your standards are so high that it’s not humanly possible to live up to them.

These feelings are tough to talk about with others out of fear that I truly will be discovered as a fraud.

Besides that, I had a hard time describing how I was feeling in a way which would make sense to anyone else.

Because by all regards, I was successful.

After graduating with a fine arts degree, I worked my way through an associate’s degree in nursing.

Then a baccalaureate degree before being accepted into the doctoral program.

All while working as a nurse.

And raising little ones.

My kiddos.

My feelings of being a fraud only solidified these feelings even more.

After all, successful people don’t feel this way.

They wake up every morning, live their awesomely successful lives, and revel in the lives they’ve created.

No doubt, no fear, just confidence and success.

All day, every day.

Imposter Syndrome is a Real Thing

And then one day not too long ago, I was listening to a podcast.

It was about something called “imposter syndrome” and it perfectly described the feelings I had been experiencing for so long now.

I was truly shocked to learn that there was an actual name for what I had been feeling.

Even more shocked to learn that imposter syndrome affects a wide range of people from all walks of life.

And that it is especially common among people who are, in fact, successful.

Hearing the podcast was life-changing for me.

I finally had a name for what I had been feeling.

And if I had a name for it, there was hope I could do something about it.

Hearing the podcast started me on a path of self-discovery.

What exactly is imposter syndrome?

And what causes it?

I started looking for answers.

Imposter Syndrome in High-Achieving Women

And found out that imposter syndrome was first observed by two female psychologists, Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes.

Their work with high-achieving women in the 1970s uncovered patterns of thinking which revolved around feelings of fraudulence.

Women with advanced degrees and professional recognition who also felt that luck, and not intelligence, had gotten them where they were today.

Their paper, published in 1978, outlines the collective experiences of over 150 women from diverse fields including nursing, medicine, and academia.

They discovered that although some of these women also had co-existing anxiety and depression, many had no mental health diagnoses.

Clance and Imes even discovered that imposter syndrome was not exclusive to women.

Differences Between Women and Men

Although imposter syndrome impacted men, it was to a significantly lesser degree.

To explain this phenomenon, the researchers turned to the work of another woman researcher, Kay Deaux.

Deaux’s work hypothesized that society plays a role in the differences in perceived ability between the sexes.

In her work published in the mid 1970s she describes that society is conditioned to have lower expectations of women.

Women therefore often have lower expectations of themselves.

And are then more likely to attribute their own success to luck rather than skill.

Men, on the other hand, are conditioned to go after success less cautiously than women.

And are then less likely to attribute success to anything other than their own ability.

The work of these three women was eye-opening for me.

It provides a possible explanation for the themes which run much deeper than I ever anticipated.

Mom Guilt

In my life, I often feel like I’m fighting a variety of battles that I don’t completely understand but am doing my best to overcome.

Mom guilt is one of them.

I’m constantly feeling pulled between work and home.

Always trying to check one more item off my daily to-do list, whether I’m at work or at home.

And never quite feeling like the end result is good enough.

Or even if the end result is great, that it was simply luck.

Could it be that mom guilt also has its roots in faulty societal expectations of women?

That on the one hand, women are expected to successfully raise a family while working.

And are also expected to stay in great shape, continue socializing, and maintain their own self-care.

But on the other hand, and in light of their status as women, are expected to perform poorly at all these things.

Are we simply set up for failure from the very beginning?

And I’m not sure about you, but I’ve never heard of dad guilt.

Is that even a thing?

You may also enjoy reading this post about the secret to life as a working mom.

A Tale of Two Families

Even beyond societal gender expectations lies family dynamics.

Clance and Imes identified two separate family dynamics which can be used to explain why imposter syndrome occurs.

Family Dynamic #1

The first involves a scenario in which a sibling has been designated as the “smart” one while the daughter herself becomes known as the charming one.

The daughter then comes to feel torn between the belief that she is really just a pretty face and the desire to prove herself as otherwise.

She begins working even harder to prove herself academically yet her family refuses to acknowledge her as such.

At that point, feelings of fradulence begin to emerge.

Doubt sinks in and she wonders whether the beliefs of her family are in fact true.

Family Dynamic #2

The second family dynamic in which imposter syndrome begins to creep in involves the daughter being viewed as perfect in every way.

Whether it’s academics, sports, or music, her skills are viewed by the family as second to none.

And not only are her skills exemplary but she doesn’t have to work hard to achieve any of it.

Everything comes easily to her.

This is the dynamic which is intimately familiar to me.

The point at which imposter syndrome began to creep in was when something actually didn’t come all that easily to me.

It was the point at which I actually had to struggle when I began to doubt my own family’s assessment of my talents.

Maybe I wasn’t as gifted as they believed me to be if everything didn’t come easily.

And maybe I’m simply fooling everyone with the success I’ve achieved thus far.

Natural talent only goes so far and there comes a point for everyone in which hard work is necessary to go further.

Regardless of which family dynamic was present during the formative years, imposter syndrome is a sneaky belief system which is tough to pinpoint until you become aware of its subtleties.

It’s a faulty thought process which holds you back from your true potential.

Now that we have a better understanding of imposter syndrome and how it starts, what can we do to change it?

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

As with many things in life, awareness is the first step.

Although it seems contrary to what you feel, talking about your feelings with others can discredit your fears.

Talking about your feelings aloud with someone else can help you identify how truly false imposter syndrome actually is.

As an example, if you studied for a test, there’s a greater probability that you passed due to preparation than by luck.

Unfortunately, we have learned to doubt ourselves and have an easier time believing luck and not preparation was responsible.

Getting an outside perspective can help ground you until you begin to change the negative thought patterns associated with imposter syndrome.

After all, in many cases, imposter syndrome is based on “feelings” and not on reality.

When you boil it down, imposter syndrome is a false interpretation of actual events.

Until you speak those feelings out loud, they will continue to have power over you.

And you will continue to misinterpret the true source of your own success.

Root Cause Analysis

Likewise, journaling can be extremely beneficial in something I call “root cause analysis.”

I can’t take credit for this concept as it is one which is attributed to the field of nursing, among others.

It essentially involves dissecting a situation to determine the true cause of an error or dysfunction.

As an example, root cause analysis is frequently utilized in the nursing home setting after someone falls.

The ultimate goal in this scenario is to prevent future falls.

But you can really only do that if you figure out what caused the fall in the first place.

Did the person slip because they were barefoot?

Was their drink out of their reach?

Or were they trying to get to the bathroom by themselves?

Once you figure out the root cause, you can theoretically prevent future falls of this nature.

The same process can be applied to anything you deem a “failure” in your own life.

Spend some time thinking about a particular situation which didn’t go according to plan.

Determine which factors contributed to a lack of success.

In many cases you will find that those factors were actually outside your own control.

And if they were out of your control, how could you possibly do anything about them?

Never Give Up … Never Surrender!

We simply have no control over so many aspects of life and need to stop continually beat ourselves up for them.

Conversely, it is equally important to record your successes as a reminder that you are smart and capable.

You are deserving of success.

And even in the face of setbacks, you are constantly learning and growing.

Do you want to know a secret?

No one really knows what they’re doing.

The most successful people in the world experience imposter syndrome from time to time.

It’s not as if you reach a certain level of success and suddenly know everything or are confident 100% of the time.

But the difference between success and failure is never giving up.

Successful people never let feelings of being an imposter hold them back from taking the next step.

They take feedback from each and every experience and instead of letting it defeat them, they learn and grow from it.

And become more confident the next time because of all they’ve overcome to get where they are today.

You may also enjoy reading this post about the secrets to success.

It’s Your Turn

I really wish that I had some type of magical secret to immediately and permanently overcoming imposter syndrome.

But I don’t.

All I have is the gift of awareness.

Because once you become aware of something, it forever remains a part of you.

Once you have the knowledge, you can take steps to change it!

Take this opportunity to analyze your feelings and determine where you can make positive changes.

You don’t have to live in constant fear that you will one day be discovered as a fraud.

Because you’re not.

You are so much more smart and capable than you give yourself credit for!

Now … go forth and be awesome!

Don’t forget to comment below on your big take-aways from this post!

Where are you struggling right now and how are you going to take steps forward?

Have You Seen These 8 Binge-Worthy Shows?

Have You Seen These 8 Binge-Worthy Shows?

As I write this, we are in the midst of an unprecedented health crisis, the likes of which we have never before seen.

Our lives have been impacted in so many unexpected ways.

I am doing my best to keep the faith but the world feels like a dark and heavy place right now.

Although I don’t always recommend zoning out in front of the television for hours on end, it has its place and time.

And with nowhere to go and nothing to do, what better time can there be to discover a new obsession?

But enough with the doom and gloom …. time to bring on my list of binge-worthy shows!

Each and every one is capable of distracting you from dwelling upon the ever growing list of terrible headlines greeting you each morning.

You may also enjoy reading this post about choosing peace over panic.

Enjoy and don’t forget to let me know what you think by commenting below!

1. Tiger King

After seeing nearly everyone I know posting about this one on social media, I had to join in on the obsession.

And I was NOT disappointed.

I mean, there are more than a few disappointing aspects of this show but its ability to keep me hooked was NOT one of them!

Tiger King can be described as True Crime meets Joe Dirt meets Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.

This show has an incredibly diverse and colorful cast of characters.

And I’m not just talking about the animals!

You will initially be left wondering how these people function in real life until you realize that they actually don’t.

And despite their crazy antics, the show brings forth incredibly important issues which deserve attention.

Thus my comment on the disappointing aspects.

I was horrified to learn about the widespread issue of exotic animal ownership in this country.

Prior to the show, I had no idea it is so prevalent in America.

Did you know that there are more big cats in captivity in this country than in the wild?

Incredibly disappointing.

Regardless of your personal thoughts on whether individuals should be allowed to own these animals, there are definite safety issues.

For both the animals themselves and for other humans.

I, for one, do not want to be mauled by an escaped tiger.

And seeing a tiger behind bars at some dilapidated “zoo” does not excite me either.

I am all for greater awareness of important issues and on this point, the show does not disappoint.

So … if you’re looking for big cats, felons, mullets, missing teeth, and shirtless, tattooed men missing teeth, tune in to this one.

You can find it on Netflix.

2. The Crown

Forbidden romance, sibling rivalries, national crises, and of course, politics.

Who knew that the British royal family was so fascinating?

Of all the binge-worthy shows on my list, this one is definitely the most elegantly crafted.

Claire Foy is outstanding in her portrayal of the young Queen Elizabeth II.

She brings relatability to the monarchy, a tough feat for anyone.

In episode after episode, she gracefully portrays the agonizing balance between family and duty.

And she does it with such grace and elegance that you have no choice but to consistently root for her.

I loved her so much in this role that I was dismayed to learn she would only appear in the first two seasons.

As the series is limited to 5 seasons and depicts the Queen throughout her life thus far, it makes sense they would need to replace the cast.

But I just wasn’t prepared to embrace a new Queen.

When the third season hit Netflix, I actually put off watching it.

And then one day, I dove back in.

I was immediately surprised to find myself drawn into Olivia Colman’s portrayal of the Queen.

She was equally relatable and added a layer of maturity to the character which only serves to pull you in even further.

And speaking of getting sucked into characters … Helena Bonham Carter is unforgettable as Princess Margaret.

Together Colman and Carter make season 3 a stunning continuation of the story started in the first two seasons.

If you haven’t yet seen it, add The Crown to your list of binge-worthy shows!

You can find it on Netflix.

3. Arrested Development

“I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it.”

“Watch out for bridges and hop-ons.”

“I’ve made a huge mistake.”

“There’s always money in the banana stand.”

Arrested Development is packed full of one-liners which I love subtly inserting into everyday conversations.

And with a host of hilariously outlandish characters, there are plenty to choose from!

I have been a huge fan of this show since it initially came out in 2003 and have watched each episode more times than I can count.

It is hands down my favorite comedy of all the binge-worthy shows on this list!

One of the best aspects of this show is that it gets funnier each time you watch it because you pick up on more of its sly humor every time.

And who couldn’t use a little extra humor right now?

The show itself portrays an incredibly dysfunctional family navigating daily life.

Each member of the Bluth family pursues their own selfish motives, blissfully unaware of the impact they have on the others.

All trying to live their best lives in the midst of chaos, rivalries, and hilarious escapades.

Except for Michael … the one son trying to keep every one together.

The only semi-rational one in the bunch who is clearly NOT living his best life.

Their all-star cast includes Jason Bateman, Portia de Rossi, Will Arnett, and David Cross, among many others.

Together, they weave intricate webs of subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle humor which earned the show several awards.

This one is sure to distract you from even the most pervasive of pandemics!

You can find it on Netflix.

4. 90 Day Fiance

This is one of those binge-worthy shows that you just can’t look away from.

Although TLC has done several spin-offs, it essentially portrays people who fall in love with someone from outside the U.S.

It’s reality TV at its finest.

Each season has its share of “normal” couples but also delves into total train wrecks.

I’m talking arrests, secret criminal records, and of course, undisclosed marriages.

Drama, drama, drama.

The show’s producers also do their best to dredge up drama among family members.

And it would seem that most family members of the American automatically assume the love interests are after a green card.

In many cases, this is blatantly obvious.

But there are other cases where love between the couples does appear genuine.

Part of the intrigue of this show is seeing where all the drama leads.

In many cases, it does lead to marriage.

But in others, the relationship ends in a fiery storm neatly captured on camera for you to watch in the comfort of your home.

Because there’s nowhere else for us to go right now.

So sit back, relax, and watch the drama unfold as you forget all about the virus taking over the world.

You can find it on Hulu.

5. Grace & Frankie

Grace is a tightly wound, highly successful businesswoman.

Frankie despises organization of any kind but does love a good cheese platter.

It would be tough to find two people more different than Grace and Frankie.

And yet, both are thrown into an incredibly unconventional situation when their husbands divorce the women to instead marry each other.

What follows are a series of unimaginably comedic adventures as both families adjust to the new normal.

This is one of those binge-worthy shows which is a breath of fresh air among so many others with impossibly stale plotlines.

I mean, does the world really need one more cop show?

Or medical drama?

I know it definitely does not need yet another court show.

Reality or otherwise.

But it does need a unique friendship between two people who couldn’t possibly be any more different.

Because don’t we all need the reminder that people are people and if we are to survive, we need each other?

Grace and Frankie is a beautiful reminder of the simple value of friendship.

You can find it on Netflix.

6. Santa Clarita Diet

Before I start on this one, I just have to put it out there that I’m not typically into blood, guts, or zombies.

Other than in my career as a nurse, I could really do without any of the above graphically portrayed on my screen.

And to be clear, I have never encountered a zombie throughout the entire course of my nursing career.

But for whatever reason, this show hooked me in from the very beginning.

Joel and Sheila are a normal couple working as real estate agents and just trying to make it through the day.

Somewhere along the way, life has become monotonous.

Predictable.

Mundane.

Boring.

And then one day something happens.

Sheila becomes violently ill and wakes up the next morning to find that life has now become anything but ordinary.

She has suddenly become undead.

But it’s not all dramatic as the show seamlessly balances zombie storylines with a healthy dose of comedy.

Timothy Olyphant, who plays a relatable and endearing Joel, does his best to be a supportive husband to his now undead wife.

And Sheila, played by Drew Barrymore, acknowledges Joel’s queasiness and tries her best to leave him out of her sprees.

Hilarity ensues.

If you’re looking for comedy with an edge, check out Santa Clarita Diet.

You can find it on Netflix.

7. Portlandia

If sketch comedy is your thing, Portlandia is the show for you!

In this one, Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein portray a wide variety of characters in and around Portland, Oregon.

And yes … there is a great deal of satire in this one.

Thanks to their comedic creativity and witty dialogue, each episode flies by, leaving you wanting more.

Although quirky, the characters they create are also oddly endearing.

I found myself wanting to book a stay at a bed & breakfast.

And with the sudden desire to explore an old bookstore.

Even wanting to try some trendy new restaurant.

Of course, all of those things are impossible right now so the next best thing is obviously watching it on television!

Portlandia definitely wins the award for most quirky among all my binge-worthy shows but do yourself a favor and check it out anyway.

You can find it on Netflix.

8. Documentary Now!

Ok, I lied.

The award for most quirky on this list of binge-worthy shows is actually a tie between Documentary Now! and Portlandia.

Oddly enough, Documentary Now! also features Fred Armisen who is joined by Bill Hader.

The pair have used their comedic genius to create a series which mocks documentaries.

My hands-down favorite episode is the very first of the series which is a spoof of an actual documentary entitled Grey Gardens.

Although I had previously been unaware of Grey Gardens, I was immediately drawn into the world created by Hader and Armisen in ‘Sandy Passage’.

And they, of course, nailed depictions of the mother and daughter duo featured in the actual documentary.

I know this because after watching ‘Sandy Passage’ I just had to check out Grey Gardens.

Comedy gold.

Hader and Armisen re-create a host of other documentaries which are sure to keep you entertained for hours.

They may even inspire you to check out the actual documentaries upon which these mockumentaries are based.

Since my list of binge-worthy shows started out with a somewhat serious documentary, I thought it only fitting to end it on a lighter note.

And who knows?

Tiger King may just end up on Documentary Now! before too long.

Seriously … how can it not???

You can find it on Netflix.

It’s Your Turn

And there you have it!

My list of 8 binge-worthy shows capable of getting you through even the most depressing of social isolation scenarios.

How many of them have you seen and which ones am I missing out on?

Don’t forget to drop a comment below with your favs!

And here’s to hoping we can all safely go out in public again sometime soon!