How are you feeling these days, mama?
Are you energized and focused on your various daily tasks and personal goals?
Or are you struggling to make it through yet another day, fantasizing about the moment when your head hits the pillow tonight?
If your self-care currently consists of a quick shower frequently interrupted by kids asking for snacks, then it’s time for a reset.
In today’s post, we will expose the hidden signs that you’re putting yourself last. We’ll explore why it’s so easy to do. Finally, I will tell you how you can transform your mindset to become a happier, more fulfilled mom.
Let’s get to it!
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Specific photos on this page are courtesy of Canva. Although I am a nurse practitioner, I am not YOUR medical provider. The information in this post is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It does NOT replace individualized health information from a qualified medical professional. Please consult a qualified medical professional for personalized guidance on your health and wellness. Artificial intelligence (AI) is utilized for specific components of this post. But the main ideas and content are all my own.
Signs You’re Putting Yourself Last
Being a mom in 2025 is HARD!
There are a million different opinions out there about how to raise happy, successful, well-adjusted kids.
And most of these opinions don’t revolve around being mindful of your own needs. Nor do they involve fostering a deep sense of inner peace.
An incredibly thought-provoking book that I read recently, called Never Enough by Jennifer Breheny Wallace, highlights the issues moms face today while raising kids.
Although the bulk of child-rearing and household tasks have always fallen on the mother, putting the needs of others ahead of our own has only intensified in the last few decades.
This is partially due to an overall sense of scarcity within society today.
As the gap between the “haves” and “have-nots” widens, elite colleges are accepting fewer and fewer students. At the same time, employers choose the bottom line over loyalty to their employees.
Moms especially have deep biological drives influencing their decisions to put the care of others ahead of their own needs to ensure the long-term success of their children.
And in today’s world, that often translates to putting your kids in 50 different sports, activities, and clubs simultaneously to ensure that in the long run, they become well-rounded individuals and get a leg-up on their peers when it comes to college offers and job prospects.
But in the short term, it takes a toll on your emotional health.
If you’re wondering whether you’ve been putting yourself last, here are a few telltale signs.
You’re Constantly Exhausted
Assuming that you’re not suffering from a sleep disorder or other medical condition, exhaustion is often a signal that you’re ignoring your own well-being.
The constant mental toll that parenting in today’s world takes on moms is exhausting!
This is especially true if you’re also juggling work on top of shuffling kids to activities, managing household chores, and trying to whip up healthy meals that your kids will actually eat.
It’s easy to put your needs on the back burner when your to-do list is a mile long and you’re burning the candle at both ends.
When you stop and think about all the tasks you accomplish in a day, it’s really no wonder you feel constantly drained.
You Feel a Deep Sense of Discontent
Even though everything on the surface seems fine, are you plagued with a vague sense of discontent?
It’s difficult to pinpoint precisely, but you feel as if something is missing.
You’re checking all the boxes during the day with your kids … soccer practice, dance recital, nature camp … but deep down, you know something isn’t quite right.
And you’re desperately trying to figure out what it is. Still, between the carpooling, the cleaning, and the general state of chaos typical of your daily existence, you’re too distracted by everything else to figure it out.
You’ve Lost Your Sense of Yourself, Separate From Your Kids
Discontent can often stem from the loss of yourself that occurs in the transition to motherhood.
I distinctly remember grieving the loss of myself during my first pregnancy and the subsequent periods of depression and anxiety that followed.
It took hours of therapy, several different medications, and an eventual willingness to dive deep into my inner world to figure out that I had lost my sense of myself along the way.
Being a mom had eclipsed everything else in my life, and I no longer recognized myself outside of this one role.
Although I am a massive advocate for medication and therapy in the treatment of mental health disorders, in my case, returning to a sense of myself again was a very healing experience.
You’re Resentful
A loss of oneself can eventually lead to feelings of resentment, often most prominently towards one’s partner.
Resentment is not particularly helpful for relationships.
Carrying resentment also tends to block efforts towards self-discovery that would promote a more positive state of mental health.
Unfortunately, there are all kinds of negative biases reinforced by society that can keep you in a cycle of resentment in various ways.
Why Putting Yourself Last Seems Productive (But Isn’t!)
One powerful message I took from the book Never Enough is this deep, biological drive moms feel to ensure the success of their children.
Subconsciously, we are entirely unaware of the reasons why we make certain decisions over others, such as sweeping the floor instead of taking a nap when we’re completely exhausted.
On some level, sweeping the floor is the best use of our time, even though you’re likely to feel crankier and more drained as the day goes on without a break.
Thanks to social media and other societal stereotypes, moms feel the constant pull of putting the well-being of the rest of the family ahead of their own, even though I’m guessing your kids really don’t care whether there are crumbs on your floor.
Sweeping the floor seems like the most productive use of your time.
But if you took even 20 minutes to stop and listen to your own needs and take a nap, your emotional capacity would expand.
You could get through the day with more energy and purpose.
And your capacity to deal with those inevitable little life irritations would also expand.
In this, and so many other situations, slowing down would actually help you speed up.
How to Stop Putting Yourself Last
Now that we’ve covered telltale signs that you’re putting yourself last and the lies we tell ourselves about productivity, it’s time to explore how you can stop putting yourself last.
First up is one of my favorite topics and one that I’m passionate about helping moms discover … finding a hobby!
Stop Putting Yourself Last by Finding a Hobby
It is so easy to become so consumed by motherhood that you lose yourself.
Caring for another human(s) is all-encompassing and incredibly time-consuming.
I’m not suggesting that we abandon all responsibility and do whatever we want all day long.
But I am telling you that little weird, quirky part of yourself that you shoved deep down is screaming for more.
And one of the best ways to unleash that side is through a hobby.
It doesn’t have to be expensive, time-consuming, or even productive.
But it has to be something that excites you.
I’m currently working on a mini-course to help incorporate a relaxing piano practice ritual into your life.
Although the mini course is still in the works, if learning piano excites you, then check out a few of my other favorite resources:
Take Your PTO
A straightforward way to stop putting yourself last is to take all your PTO days.
It’s your time – enjoy it!
Consider taking a day off “just because.”
Don’t plan anything and don’t set an alarm.
Get the kids on the bus and then see where the day takes you.
I promise you that work will still be there when you return tomorrow!
Set a Goal for Yourself
Another great way to stop putting yourself last is to set a goal.
It could be a fitness goal or a goal to set aside more time for meditation.
Whatever it is, prioritize that goal.
Carve out time on your calendar to pursue it.
And don’t stop until you’ve accomplished it!
Stop Putting Yourself Last by Realizing Your Worth
In case you haven’t heard this recently, YOU MATTER!
You are more than just a mom.
I’m not saying that being a mom is a bad thing.
But it’s easy to completely lose yourself in the experience of motherhood.
Pursuing dreams and goals outside of motherhood transforms the experience into a richer, more fulfilling one full of infinite possibilities.
Not only does it enrich your life experience, but it sets the example for your children that their hopes and dreams also matter.
And when your self-worth improves, you automatically become a better mom.
It’s Your Turn
The hidden costs of putting yourself last are anger, resentment, and frustration.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
You don’t have to live your life with constant feelings of negativity.
By taking a stand for yourself, you can flip the script.
You matter.
And by carving out time for yourself, you can start setting positive boundaries in your life that will ultimately restore your curiosity, creativity, and sense of yourself.
What about you? What’s one thing that’s been nagging at you for a while now but you just haven’t made space for it?
Comment below and I’d love to cheer you on!
