How to Gain Clarity and Live a Happier Life

How to Gain Clarity and Live a Happier Life

As I write this, we are on the verge of forever saying “goodbye” to 2020 and “hello” to 2021. It’s the perfect opportunity to reflect back on what was and what’s to come.

How was your 2020? Was it exactly what you expected at this time last year? Or did it take you completely by surprise?

I think I can safely say that 2020 took all of us by surprise.

Not even the most gifted psychic among us could possibly have predicted the chaos brought forth by a global pandemic.

And one of the biggest upsides in all the chaos is the ability to simplify. Maybe taking a break from everything has given you the space to consider whether all the busy-ness actually served any real purpose.

Or was it all just a distraction?

One big, shiny distraction taking you further and further from your goals, your inner peace, and ultimately, your happiness.

It’s funny how when the entire world grinds to a halt, you’re faced with the stark reality that very little of what you do on a daily basis actually matters in the grand scheme of things.

But thanks to the cancellation of basically everything, you suddenly have time to really hone in on those little things. Those things that actually bring meaning to your life.

You have the opportunity to feel that deeper sense of inner peace which comes from living life on your terms.

And it all starts with learning how to gain clarity.

What is Clarity?

“Clarity doesn’t always mean you know exactly what you’re doing. It does mean you know exactly who you’re being and why.”

Christine Kane

Have you ever had a moment when everything just feels right? A moment of perfect calm when you know you’re living as the person you’re meant to be and everything just clicks into place?

Suddenly all the overwhelming anxiety dissipates and your brain finally finds peace.

You stop second guessing yourself and start making decisions from that place of inner calm instead of from a place of fear.

That magical place is clarity and to understand how to gain clarity it’s vital you understand both what it is and what it’s not.

Clarity is not making decisions based upon fear because those decisions are almost always made to avoid a negative outcome. Fear keeps you forever paralyzed in a state of indecision instead of action. Indecision, in turn, keeps you in a state of constant overwhelm.

When you gain clarity, decision making is simplified because you’re deeply connected with yourself. Fear no longer has a stronghold on your life and you’re free to live as who you are.

Clarity erases uncertainty, obscurity, and overthinking. With clarity comes inner peace and ultimately, happiness.

Read this post to find out how you can stop overthinking.

Barriers to Clarity

“The universe is always expanding your thought about yourself so be careful with who you think you are.”

Roxana Jones

Learning how to gain clarity requires awareness. It requires an alertness for what makes you feel grounded in yourself and what takes you further away from inner peace. Although there are countless barriers to gaining clarity in your life, here are the 3 biggest offenders.

Comparison

One of the biggest barriers to clarity comes from comparing yourself to someone else. Comparison will steal your joy, your sense of accomplishment, and your inner peace every time.

You are unique! Your life experiences are like no one else’s. As are your interests, skills, and talents. You grace this earth with a presence like none other.

And the world is a better place because of you so stop feeding into the lie that you don’t measure up! Stop drawing conclusions about your own journey based on someone else’s highlight reel.

Focus on gaining your own clarity regardless of what anyone around you is doing.

Read this post to find out how you can stop the comparison trap.

Your Self-Identity

Another huge barrier to achieving clarity is your sense of self. We all have a viewpoint about ourselves and who we are as a person. It may come as no surprise to learn that the viewpoint you have about yourself often develops early in childhood before you’ve developed the ability to filter information.

Maybe you were teased as a kid about your total lack of athletic ability. Gym class was torture, partially because you were told you had zero talent and stopped trying altogether. As an adult, you now completely avoid the gym and all types of physical activity because you’ve internalized this story about your athletic impairments. Avoiding the gym and activity in general works well for you until one day something changes.

Maybe it’s a health scare or maybe it’s the desire to lose a few pounds but you wake up one morning toying with the idea of getting into shape.

Buying tennis shoes and signing up for a gym membership sounds easy enough. Except for one thing.

You’ve spent the last however many years telling yourself that you’re terrible at all forms of physical activity and will therefore fail anything you attempt. After further thought, you abandon the idea entirely and go back to living the way you were before.

Do you see how clinging to your identity as a terrible athlete got in the way of achieving better health?

The same thing happens when you cling to old and outdated views of yourself when trying to gain clarity in your life. You have to be willing to challenge your self-identity and embrace positive change in order to truly gain clarity.

Distraction

We live in one of the greatest eras of distraction there ever was. Netflix, Hulu, TikTok, and social media are all designed to draw you in and keep you in for significant amounts of time every day. If you don’t believe me, check out The Social Dilemma on Netflix.

Thanks to technology, we have gained the ability to be “entertained” 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

I will be the first to admit that I am highly addicted to both Netflix and Hulu. Spending hours upon hours in front of a screen comes quite easily and naturally to me.

And there is some truly inspiring and uplifting stuff out there! Shows which make you think and shows which make you laugh. And everything in between.

But have you ever stopped to notice how you feel after binging hours of television? Do you feel empowered and aligned with who you are? Do you feel a deep sense of inner calm and true happiness?

Or do you feel more aligned with the characters on the screen than with yourself? Maybe you even feel frustrated with yourself for spending more time than you intended in front of a screen.

Becoming more deeply grounded in who you are demands that you take control of your surroundings and minimize distractions.

How to Gain Clarity in Your Life

“Doubt increases with inaction. Clarity reveals itself in momentum. Growth comes from progress. For all these reasons, BEGIN.”

Brendon Burchard

Clarity is a funny thing in that you’re the one who must find it for yourself. No one else can find clarity for you. It must come from within. But there are very specific steps you can take to find that inner peace and happiness which comes from gaining clarity.

Gain Clarity by Clearing Your Mind

In order to gain clarity, you must have a clear mind. There are several ways to calm your mind and clear your head.

One of my favorite ways is exercise, especially cardio. I feel my best after I’ve had a really tough workout and it’s partially because my body is exerting so much energy that my mind can’t get stuck in a loop of overthinking.

Another way to clear your mind is by doing an activity you truly enjoy and which is somewhat all-consuming. For me, this is either playing piano or dressage. Either is quite effective in grounding me in a place of true inner calm and perfect clarity. Each gives me a sense of deep fulfillment and happiness.

Meditation is yet another way you can effectively clear your mind and gain clarity.

Gain Clarity by Taking Action

There have been times in my life in which I have a general sense of where I want to go but am unsure of the steps. As a perfectionist over thinker, my tendency is to remain stuck in a cycle of thinking through all possible outcomes before moving forward. This generally manifests as procrastination because I’m unable to visualize all the steps I need to take.

But in life, you really only need to know one step. And that step is the one after the step you’ve just taken.

Clarity never comes from mulling the same problem over and over and over. But you can find clarity by taking action. It doesn’t matter if that action ultimately ends up being sideways because as long as you’re moving, you have momentum and progress.

Get out of your head and take some kind of action. You can always adjust course as you go but it’s impossible to adjust if you’re not moving at all.

Pay Attention

Have you ever heard that saying, “Garbage in, garbage out?” It’s so true.

Start really listening to the influences all around you. Who are the 5 people you spend the most time with? Are they encouraging and supportive? And are they trailblazers? How do you feel when you’re around the people you’re with most often?

Pay attention to your internal talk. Is it positive, compassionate, and uplifting? Or is it harsh and overly critical?

Learning how to gain clarity takes time and patience so there’s no room for criticism, either from external or internal sources. Although clarity comes from within, the influences of those around you can interfere with your ability to remain positive and focused.

It’s also important to pay attention to stress in your life. Are you letting stress overwhelm you? Or are you taking charge and changing what you can about the stressful situation? It’s incredibly difficult to gain clarity when stress is your main focus.

Read this post to find out how you can banish anxiety and live a more peaceful life.

Your Physical Self

All the mental work in the world is worth nothing if you don’t take care of your body. Adequate rest and appropriate nutrition are absolutely essential to gaining clarity in your life. Find a daily routine for yourself which supports both physical and mental health.

Do your best to maintain a clean environment as it is difficult to achieve peace surrounded by chaos. Between working full-time and 3 kids, this one is an ongoing challenge for me! At the end of the day, I simply don’t want to spend my remaining energy cleaning.

But … I’ve found that when my house is clean, it’s so much easier to connect with my inner peace and I simply feel calmer. It’s incredible how much your physical surroundings influence how you feel mentally!

It’s Your Turn to Gain Clarity

As we step into a new year, I truly hope you seize this opportunity to gain clarity in your life. Take this opportunity to embrace the New Year and celebrate the positive changes you’ve made thus far.

Let go of comparison. You are amazing, just the way you are! Celebrate the victories of those around you and remember that success is unlimited.

Release stories about your self-identity that no longer serve you. Stop letting who you were in the past hold you back from who you are now and from your future potential.

Stay laser-focused on your goals. Distractions are inevitable but you can overcome the urge to give in.

Take action instead of giving in to the temptation to overthink your next step. You can always change your course but it’s impossible to course correct without any movement whatsoever.

Do more of what makes you feel grounded in who you are. Look for opportunities to ignite your inner joy and passion.

Follow these steps and you will quickly find the inner peace and happiness which only comes from gaining clarity.

I truly hope you have found inspiration from this post and that you resolve to gain clarity in the coming year. As always, please drop a comment below with your main take-away from the post!

All the best to you in the coming year and beyond!

8 Ultimate Christmas Movies to Watch This Season

8 Ultimate Christmas Movies to Watch This Season

One of my favorite holiday activities is curling up on the couch with my family to watch Christmas movies. It’s such a fun and entertaining way to get into the holiday spirit!

Or at least it always seems that way in my mind. Reality is often the polar opposite of imagination.

In our house, movie night typically starts with everyone eagerly awaiting the movie. Our 3 kids, ages 10, 6, and 4, are generally quiet and attentive for the first half an hour or so.

But just as my husband and I start to get sucked into the flick, the energy in the room shifts. Maybe it starts with an argument about which character is better. Or maybe one kid annoys another kid with incessant talking.

Whatever the reason, it’s not long before one kid is headed for time out and another is bawling their eyes out over some perceived atrocity.

We proceed with the movie, pausing multiple times to calm and re-focus the kids or abandon movie night altogether if the train goes entirely off the tracks.

More times than not, movie night ends with an early bedtime and unfinished film.

Ah … the joys of parenting!

But as the song says …. “You’re gonna miss this.” And someday, I’m sure that will be true. For now, I’m doing my best to take it day by day and enjoy the little moments with them, even despite the fighting.

And with that, I give you my ultimate list of favorite Christmas movies!

This post may contain affiliate links, which means we may receive a commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase through a link. Please see our full disclosure for further information.

1. Elf (2003) PG

I’m a sucker for Will Ferrell because I absolutely love laughing! He is one of those actors who can immediately flip my mood from cranky to joyful and he definitely delivers in this lighthearted Christmas movie.

In fact, I love this movie so much that I watch it multiple times throughout the year. It can typically keep my kids fairly engaged as well, which as you can tell from the beginning of the post, is a challenge!

This movie follows Buddy, a human raised as an elf in the North Pole, as he travels to New York to track down his biological father. Along the way he meets a variety of characters, infecting them with his insanely upbeat holiday spirit.

Despite the hilarity, there is a strong message which comes out over and over again from this movie and why it’s one of my very favorite Christmas movies of all time. The message is that even when challenges come your way, if you maintain a positive outlook, good things will happen. And I don’t know about you, but that’s a reminder I can use throughout the year!

Find it: Hulu with Starz add-on

You may also enjoy reading this post about how to have a more positive mindset.

2. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989) PG-13

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is one of those laugh out loud films which doesn’t take itself too seriously.

It follows Chevy Chase as Clark Griswold, a family man desperately planning a memorable Christmas for his family but who is met with resistance on every front. From power outages to unexpected visits from irritating family members, he does his best to make the most out of every situation.

And obviously, hilarity ensues.

Part of the charm of this movie is that almost everyone can relate to his struggles. I mean, who hasn’t found themselves inadvertently locked in the attic while the rest of the family gathers for Christmas shopping? Ok … maybe not that one.

But who hasn’t expected that huge Christmas work bonus which somehow doesn’t quite materialize? Maybe you’ve even spent hours upon hours putting lights on your house only to find nothing sparkles or shines when you plug the whole works in.

Highly disappointing.

But when it happens to someone else, suddenly it’s all hilarious!

Similar to Elf, I find this movie inspiring in that despite everything thrown at him, Clark perseveres. He keeps going in his ultimate quest for the perfect Christmas. It’s a great holiday reminder to never give up!

Find it:

You may also enjoy this post about how to stay motivated when things get tough.

3. Jingle Jangle (2020) PG

If you loved The Greatest Showman, you’re in for an outstanding holiday treat with this one! Jingle Jangle is the story of a famous toymaker who loses everything. His brilliance, his inventions, and ultimately, his family.

It’s only when his granddaughter visits for the holidays that he realizes everything he needed was right in front of his nose the entire time.

This film combines spot-on musical numbers with exciting and engaging choreography throughout. Although we had to watch it in multiple sessions, my kids were engaged throughout and dancing right along!

This film delivers powerful messages of forgiveness and gratitude, messages we could all use after this especially tumultuous year.

It’s a fabulous film which I’m confident you’ll add to your “must watch” list of Christmas movies year after year.

Find it: Netflix

4. White Christmas (1954) NR

It only seemed fitting to follow-up a brand new Christmas tradition with an old one. And by old, I mean a film which has been around for the past 60+ years.

This film is the epitome of the classic musical tradition. Not to mention its title track is the ONLY Christmas song I enjoy any day of the year.

The story follows two best friend entertainers as they travel across the country to save the inn of their former military general. And there is, of course, a romantic twist to the musical. Because what would a classic musical be without a bit of romance?

Watching this movie always brings me back to a simpler time before computers, Nintendo, and social media. It brings me back to what’s truly important in life. Doing good and being there for those you care about.

In this complicated and sometimes frightening world, I love the reminder that simplicity and authenticity still exist. After watching this film, I think you’ll agree that there’s a reason why it’s one of the Christmas movies to withstand the test of time.

Find it: Netflix

5. The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018) PG

If you’re looking for a new twist on a classic story, look no further than The Nutcracker and the Four Realms.

As a second grader, my daughter had been listening to The Nutcracker in music class when this movie first came out. She loved it and insisted we see the movie in theaters.

And so, I took both her and my son, age 4 at the time, to the theater to see it. Although skeptical about his ability to sit through the film, he actually remained captivated the entire time. The film was so well done that it would be difficult to imagine anyone losing interest.

Between the brilliant casting, costumes, scenery, and music, this film expertly weaves elements of old and new together seamlessly. It was almost as if I was watching something both entirely new and vaguely familiar at the same time.

This film also delivers a powerful message of never giving up, regardless of the challenges you’re facing. It’s an outstanding movie that you definitely don’t want to miss!

Find it: Hulu with add-on

6. The Polar Express (2004) G

Following up a number of live action Christmas movies finally comes an animated masterpiece. The Polar Express follows a young boy as he makes the life-changing decision to board a train bound for the North Pole on Christmas Eve.

Along the way, he learns the value of friendship, sacrifice, and the true meaning of Christmas. This is another of those classic Christmas movies which truly withstands the test of time.

And despite the animation, there are plenty of hair-raising action scenes which will leave you on the edge of your seat. It’s guaranteed to suck you right into a completely different and magical world.

And I love the take-away message that one decision to take a tiny step can completely transform your life which is applicable year-round. If you’re short on holiday spirit this year, The Polar Express is virtually guaranteed to restore it!

Although my kids have yet to see it, I’m hoping to incorporate this film into our Christmas Eve this year. Fingers crossed that they’re as captivated by it as I am!

Find it:

You may enjoy this post about how to de-stress during the holidays.

7. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) PG

Although there have been several Grinch movies, the Jim Carrey one has and always will be my favorite version. He has a way of bringing the Grinch character to life unlike any other actor.

His portrayal of the Grinch flips you from absolutely hating the guts out of him to feeling empathy and even love for the guy by the end. He makes the Grinch absolutely relatable in many ways.

Who hasn’t felt utterly left out at some point in their life? Or that perhaps others are not to be trusted and a life in solitude is thus safer? Perhaps you’ve even felt that if you can’t have fun, then no one else should either?

Maybe none of us have ever gone to the extremes the Grinch does but regardless, we’ve all had these feelings at one time or another in our lives.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas is a reminder that in order to have a friend, we have to be a friend. We have to be willing to put ourselves out there but with an open heart, we will find acceptance.

Find it: Netflix, Hulu with add-on

8. Mulan (2020) PG-13

Ok, ok. I know this isn’t exactly a Christmas movie but I still wanted to make mention of this incredible cinematic masterpiece. It’s by far the best movie to come out this year and I would be remiss to not mention it.

Having somehow missed the cartoon version, I had no idea what to expect from the movie. I was absolutely blown away by the acting, the film score, and the story line itself.

Mulan is a woman raised in a society with strict gender expectations. As a woman, she is expected to bring honor to her family by marrying well and having a family of her own.

But Mulan’s interests and skills are far from domestic. She is athletic, intelligent, and brave, qualities which are better served on the battle field than in the home.

When a fierce enemy threatens her country, Mulan makes the difficult decision to disguise herself as a man to defend her beloved country and bring honor to her family in a way which is true to herself.

Although the story takes place centuries ago, echoes of gender expectations are still heard today. Women still earn less than men in many companies and are still largely in charge of domestic duties in many households.

We have yet to see a woman president.

Closing the gender gap is still miles away.

But this film inspires hope. Hope that if Mulan could bring honor to her family not as a wife and mother but as a warrior, we too can break away and follow our own paths.

Mulan is exactly the inspiration we need to spark incredible change in the coming year!

Find it:

It’s Your Turn

And there you have it! 8 ultimate Christmas movies to watch this season. Are any of the ones I mentioned also on your list of favorites? Or did I miss your favorite one? I’d love to hear about your favorites and maybe add a few flicks to my own “must watch” list!

You’re Overthinking It: Strategies to Overcome Obsessive Thoughts

You’re Overthinking It: Strategies to Overcome Obsessive Thoughts

Do you struggle with overthinking? Maybe you find it nearly impossible to make decisions. Or maybe your brain keeps you up at night with a constant stream of worst case scenarios.

Maybe you even have frequent headaches, stomach issues and are absolutely exhausted. All the time.

You’re definitely not alone! Overthinking is a habit which steals joy and paralyzes you with fear and indecisiveness.

Whether it’s ruminating on that dumb thing you said 5 years ago or worrying about the dumb thing you fear saying in 5 minutes, overthinking is the worst!

Although it can be a tricky habit to break, you can find freedom from obsessive thinking. But it does take some effort on your part. Ready to learn more? Let’s get started!

This post may contain affiliate links, which means we may receive a commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase through a link. Please see our full disclosure for further information.

What is Overthinking?

The most basic definition of overthinking includes thinking either too much or too long about something. But if you’re reading this and are looking for solutions, I’m guessing you already have a solid understanding of the word!

Overthinking can take several different forms. And although it may have started as one form, it can quickly spread to other areas of your life. Regardless of the form, overthinking is a destructive thought pattern which destroys inner peace and your sense of self.

The Past

The first form involves obsessing about things which have happened in the past. This may involve regrets, broken relationships, or any number of your less-than-stellar moments. Unfortunately overthinking the past hardly ever involves your highlight reel!

Ruminating on the past is all too easy to do. For me, it often occurs after a difficult conversation such as a fight with my husband. Even after the conversation has ended, I find myself replaying the interaction over and over again. It’s almost as if I’ve convinced myself that spending brainpower on the altercation afterwards will somehow change the outcome.

Or allow me to take back the incredibly hurtful or stupid thing which came out of my mouth.

No such luck.

Ruminating on the past can also be intense dissatisfaction with various choices you’ve made. Maybe you even spend hours upon hours regretting those choices and desperately wishing for a different outcome.

No such luck there either.

The Future

Overthinking the future often revolves around decisions. This form has also been a significant struggle for me throughout my life. I’m constantly second guessing myself!

Whether it’s what I should cook for dinner tonight or whether I should take that alternate position recently offered to me, decisions are difficult!

And it feels as if time spent deep in thought should ultimately reveal the correct decision. As if I’ll somehow stumble upon the correct answer after hours upon hours twisting and turning between the various options.

But it never quite turns out that way.

It instead leaves me second guessing EVERYTHING and no closer to a final answer.

Going Outside Your Comfort Zone

Other than the past and the present, there are plenty of scenarios which can trigger unhealthy doses of overthinking. In my own life I have found anything which triggers fear also triggers overthinking.

It could be the most fabulous opportunity in the world but if it involves going outside my comfort zone, my brain goes into overdrive. Almost immediately, every possible worst case scenario pops up in my mind.

It’s almost as if my brain is trying to convince me that nothing bad will happen if I consider each and every possible negative outcome repeatedly. As if somehow spending hours and hours stewing on every worst case scenario is beneficial.

Or maybe it’s simply my brain trying to talk me out of doing whatever it is I’m feeling drawn toward. Either way, it’s incredibly unhelpful and sets me up for a host of negative thoughts to come flooding through.

Comparison

Yet another form of overthinking revolves around comparison. I truly believe that comparison opens us up to so many negative thought patterns and overthinking is no exception.

When not done intentionally, time spent mindlessly scrolling social media can set up a cascade of overthinking about how we don’t measure up in this way or that.

And what starts as a glance at someone’s post and simple desire to change ourselves in some way ends with self-loathing in multiple areas. Once negativity gains a foothold in your life, it can be difficult to shift back to the positive again because negativity attracts more negativity.

After a while, it becomes second nature for your brain to overthink comparisons between you and everyone else out there.

Although I’ve only listed 4 specific areas in which overthinking dominates, there are many others out there. Now that you’ve had a chance to think about it, which specific scenarios trigger your overthinking tendencies?

Check out this resource for eliminating comparison in your life.

What’s Wrong with Overthinking?

If you’ve stuck with me this far, I’m guessing you have ideas about why overthinking is a bad thing. I’m guessing it’s already impacted your life in some way and definitely not for the better!

One of the primary drawbacks of overthinking is that it focuses on the problem instead of the solution. It keeps you focused on everything that’s wrong instead of on all that inner power you have inside. Overthinking tricks you into thinking you’re making headway on solving the problem however you’re doing the exact opposite.

By keeping you focused on the problem, you are virtually guaranteed to never find a solution. It’s a waste of valuable time and energy which could be spent elsewhere.

Not only is overthinking unproductive but it’s terrible for your mental health. There are multiple studies linking anxiety and depression to overthinking because it’s a thought process which keeps you trapped.

It keeps you from making forward progress and convinces you that you are the sum of your problems. Overthinking has you believing that you are a victim and unable to change your circumstances because it locks you into indecision.

And what’s bad for your mental health also spills over into your physical health. There’s a strong connection between the brain and the body and if your brain is suffering, your body also suffers. As a result of overthinking, you are likely not sleeping well at night and may even suffer frequent headaches and stomach upset.

It’s a vicious cycle pulling you further and further from your true self and inner peace.

But enough with the negativity! Let’s figure out how we can reverse the effects of overthinking and be the amazing souls we were meant to be!

How You Can Stop Overthinking

Overthinking keeps you trapped in your head and feeling powerless to change. One of the most effective ways to stop overthinking is to start taking action. In other words, to get out of your head, you have to step into your body.

Exercise

Physically moving your body is an almost instantaneous way to stop obsessive thoughts. Any physical activity which gets the blood pumping works wonders for your mental health and restores your sense of power.

Running is one of my favorite exercises because it elevates my mood and gives me a sense of accomplishment. I also truly enjoy dressage because it’s a physical and mental workout. I’ve found that it’s impossible to ruminate on my problems while trying to cue intricate movements from my horse!

Acceptance

This next one takes a bit of mental practice but it’s completely worth it. In many cases, the mental pain we experience is created by ourselves and our tendency to overthink. We feel like we have to reject anything which doesn’t fit in with our life plan or “the way things should be.”

But this is simply not the case. You can choose to accept anything, regardless of how terrible it is. Acceptance does not mean that you necessarily agree with something. It simply means you choose not to let it steal your joy and peace.

You choose to find the positive of the situation instead of dwelling on the negative.

Check out this resource for finding inner peace.

Focus

A few weeks ago, I was looking for something completely different to read and stumbled across a truly life-changing book. Within its pages I found the type of wisdom which is obvious and yet revolutionary. It’s the type of wisdom which you immediately recognize as what’s been missing from your life.

Nothing in this book is complex and in fact, it’s the simplicity which most appeals to me.

One of the most powerful concepts I’ve taken with me is that I can choose my focus. If something is troubling me, I can choose to stop thinking about it.

I’m not suggesting you use this method to avoid responsibility in life. What I am suggesting is that you can use this technique to ignore those obsessive thoughts. You can change the channel and don’t need to keep watching that same old movie you’ve seen 10,000 times. Lock in a new movie and a new thought pattern.

Action

Since overthinking paralyzes you in thought, step out of your brain by taking action. Any action. Whatever will move you forward toward your goals.

Your brain tricks you into believing that overthinking is forward action but nothing could be further from the truth. Unless you’re some type of wizard, nothing was ever accomplished by thinking alone.

Even in those activities which require extensive thinking, some action is required. Writing, for example, is primarily a thinking activity. But action is still required to move those thoughts from your brain to the page.

Socialize

I know this is a bit of a taboo topic right now but another effective way to stop overthinking is to socialize with others. We all need other people to live full and complete lives, especially when you struggle with getting outside your head.

It’s so good for us to hear the perspectives of others and realize that the world doesn’t revolve around us. Other people have struggles, triumphs, and lessons which we can learn from. And there are other people out there who want to support you through your struggles. You simply have to be willing to reach out.

Reframe

As a writer, I love this next one! If you tend to overthink the past, consider reframing your own story. Approach your story as an author would. Expand upon the challenges but find the triumph. Be the hero of your own story.

Exploring your past from this perspective allows you the space to both acknowledge your struggle and to celebrate your strengths. It’s entirely possible that your overthinking stems from unresolved issues with your past but by writing it down, you will have the opportunity to finally resolve and move on.

Bonus points for sharing your written story with someone else!

Gratefulness

Gratefulness is the ultimate solution to a host of mindset challenges because it forces us to acknowledge the positive. It’s one of the best ways to force yourself to see all that is amazing in your life!

Getting stuck in a cycle of overthinking is incredibly difficult when you’re instead busy expressing thankfulness for the blessings in your life.

Keeping a gratefulness journal is a solid way to get your thoughts on paper and to have something to refer back to when your brain is on overdrive.

De-Stress

Although stress isn’t necessarily a bad thing, too much is harmful for your wellbeing. It’s much easier to get stuck into negative patterns of overthinking when you’re stressed to the max.

And unfortunately, our brain responds to stress the same regardless of whether we have a looming work deadline or a grizzly bear chasing after us.

Do yourself a favor and figure out the most effective ways you can de-stress and stop the overthinking loop in its tracks!

It’s Your Turn!

Overthinking is one of the best ways to ruin your mood, destroy your sleep, and set you up for more negativity in your life. Although not mentioned above, never hesitate to reach out for professional help if you’re struggling to stop overthinking. Seeing a counselor or psychiatrist can be life-changing and the key to setting you free from obsessive thoughts.

As someone who also tends to overthink, I truly hope you have found this post helpful in your quest for greater joy and more inner peace in your life! Comment below with what you found most helpful or whether you have a tactic I may have omitted. If you’re interested in learning more about changing your mindset, here are two books I highly recommend. Until next time, stay healthy, safe, and remember that we’re all only getting better!

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5 Sneaky Reasons You Feel Tired All the Time

5 Sneaky Reasons You Feel Tired All the Time

Are you skipping through your day, full of joy, enthusiasm, and boundless energy? Or are you barely dragging yourself out of bed in the morning only to stumble from task to task, completely overwhelmed and exhausted?

If you’re reading this, I’m guessing you’re leaning more toward the overwhelmed and exhausted than the skipping part.

I’ve been there too. Completely drained of energy and doing my very best just to make it through the day.

It’s a tough place to be.

And the more frustrated you become with the situation, the worse it gets. You’re desperate to feel better but are skeptical that anything will change.

Take heart! There are several reasons why you may feel tired all the time and surprisingly simple solutions.

Stick with me and I promise you will be feeling more energized in no time at all!

This post may contain affiliate links, which means we may receive a commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase through a link. Please see our full disclosure for further information.

1) You Feel Tired Because You Have No Boundaries

There’s no denying the fact that diet, exercise, and sleep habits play a huge factor in your energy levels. But sometimes fatigue has more to do with the emotional than the physical.

If you feel tired all the time, it’s time to take a good, hard look at your to-do list.

Is it full of activities which ignite your soul with limitless passion and zest for life? Or is your to-do list full of obligations you dread but feel compelled to do anyway?

We all have those tasks which are necessary but not particularly fulfilling. And life certainly can’t be all fun and games. But if you’re feeling drained, could it be because you’re spending more time living for others than for yourself?

If you struggle with overwhelm and saying “no” to others, it’s time to put up a few personal boundaries!

How You Can Set Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries tell you where your responsibilities begin and where they end. At first glance, this may seem restrictive but it actually means freedom.

It means you have the freedom to say “yes” when it aligns with you and your inner purpose.

It’s the freedom to say “no” when you don’t want to do something.

And it means you have the freedom to sit back, relax, and enjoy your life.

Sounds great, right? But how can you actually implement this in your life?

By starting with a commitment. The commitment to stop people pleasing and to start living life on your terms.

And the next step? Learn how to say “no.” Say no to anything which only depletes you of valuable energy while serving someone else’s purpose.

Learn more about how to stop people pleasing and start living your own life by clicking here.

2) You Feel Tired Because Your Mind is on Overdrive

Another incredibly common reason why you may feel tired all the time is because your mind won’t shut down. Day, night, and all other times in between, your brain is constantly working to exhaustion.

Although thinking in and of itself is not a bad thing, the nature of those thoughts impacts how you feel overall. If there is a positive vibe, you may actually feel somewhat energized and uplifted. But if those thoughts are negative, your precious energy will drain faster than you can ever possibly replenish it.

If you struggle with overthinking, your thoughts are also likely to be dominated by worry, guilt, and indecisiveness. The constant dread created by these types of thoughts is enough to make anyone feel tired in only a short amount of time!

Negative thinking is a definite energy suck but it’s never too late to turn it around!

How to Stop Overthinking

Changing your mindset requires both a commitment to change and a keen awareness of your thoughts. After all, it’s tough to change something you’re completely unaware of!

Step one is simply learning to identify your thought patterns. Start recognizing your thoughts and how they make you feel. One of the best ways to do this is to put pen to paper. Writing down all those thoughts circling in your head gives them a place to go and an opportunity for you to objectively analyze them.

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Find a journal you love and spend some time every day recording what’s on your mind. Is there any truth to your thoughts? Or do they tend to focus on things past and present instead of on the here and now?

Challenge your thoughts! Poke holes in the ridiculous negativity which likely has no basis in reality. Start talking to yourself as if you are your own best friend. Be compassionate and kind to yourself. Take a deep breath, recognize the effort you’ve made toward positive change, and congratulate yourself on your more peaceful inner world.

3) You Feel Tired Because You’re Not Feeding Your Passion

“Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.”

Oprah Winfrey

Do you know that feeling you get when you’re doing that thing you love to do? Or even that feeling you get when you talk about that thing you love to do?

Pretty incredible, isn’t it?

We all have something that lights us up inside. Something we totally nerd out about and can’t get enough of.

That passion feeds our energy reserve and ignites our zest for life. It’s what makes life worth living and counteracts all the negativity we encounter in the world.

But how often do you put that thing on the back burner because you simply have too much on your plate? It’s unfortunately all too easy to shove your passion to the wayside while you’re going about the business of life.

I get it. Finding time for that thing feels impossible and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. But it could just be the key to your life-changing transformation!

How to Find Time for Your Passion

As a wife and working mom of 3, I know a little bit about time. I know that it slips away all too quickly and is incredibly easy to waste. Other than energy, time is one of the most valuable resources we have but we need to be both mindful and careful in how it’s spent.

Awareness is key. In order to make changes, you must first understand where you are currently spending your time.

Although it can be a giant distraction, my phone also holds one of the most valuable tools in tracking my time. Every week I get a notification of how much time I’ve spent on my phone the previous week and a breakdown of which apps sucked up the most. I take a few minutes every week to review and set an intention for the upcoming week.

If you don’t have this feature on your phone, you could also track your time with pen and paper. Writing down where your time is spent on an hourly basis can be truly eye-opening.

After you have an idea of where your time is spent, it’s time for positive change. Start slowly by slotting off even 5 minutes a day to do something related to your passion. Sometimes starting is all you need to realize that you CAN make time in your schedule if it truly is important to you.

Check out this post for more tips on finding more time in your day!

4) You Feel Tired Because You’re Playing the Comparison Game

Social media is utterly amazing! At no other time in the history of the world have you been able to connect with old friends, instantly catch up with someone you haven’t talked to for years, or find out what your neighbor is up to at this very second.

You can meet someone on the other side of the world or connect with others who share your passion.

But social media has a dark side. I’m willing to bet that you’ve lost countless hours caught up in someone else’s drama at one time or another thanks to social media. Or felt your mood darken after scrolling your feed.

Social media has made it easier than ever to compare yourself to others. Gone are the days where you could go home after a long day and shut out the world. We are now constantly faced with everyone else’s highlight reel while feeling a deep sense of inferiority and disconnection from others. And it’s emotionally draining.

How to Stop the Comparison Game

After going through a period of constant exhaustion, I took a good, hard look at my life and made a few discoveries. One was that I wasn’t getting nearly enough sleep at night. Two was that social media was partly to blame for my poor sleep.

Scrolling feeds at night is a nightmare on multiple levels. The blue light from electronic devices has been scientifically proven to decrease sleep quality. It also keep your mind reeling at a time when it should be winding down and preparing for sleep. And if you have alerts activated, you’re virtually guaranteed poor sleep from the constant beeping ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

Even beyond the ill effects on sleep, I began noticing how negative my mindset was becoming. It seemed that the more time I spent on social media, the worse my self-esteem, motivation, and sense of self became. I knew something had to change.

And so I silenced the alerts. From Facebook to Instagram to email, I stopped them all. No more random beeping in the middle of dinner with the family or movie night. The silence was strange at first but also oddly comforting. It truly felt as if I was taking back my life.

I also picked up this book. Although I have always prided myself on efficiency, this book has been truly instrumental in helping me identify all the unnecessary distractions in my life. I highly encourage you to check it out!

And if you haven’t seen “The Social Dilemma” on Netflix, check it out. It will make you re-think EVERYTHING.

5) You Feel Tired for Physical Reasons

Although the majority of this post focuses on emotional reasons why you may feel tired, don’t ignore your physical self. If you’re not getting enough sleep at night, your diet is terrible, or you’re not exercising, you can’t expect to feel energized and ready to seize the day.

It’s also entirely possible that you have an underlying medical condition contributing to your fatigue. Seeing your primary care provider is an incredibly important first step in your journey toward a more refreshed life. Your provider can have a 1:1 discussion with you about your risk factors for certain conditions and reasons why you may feel tired all the time.

If your provider determines there are no underlying medical conditions, maybe it’s time to see a counselor or psychiatrist. We are living in stressful times and all need an occasional mental health tune-up. Don’t put your health on the back burner. You are too important!

Take Charge of Your Physical Health

If there are one or more areas of your physical health which are less than optimal, start slowly. Make small, positive changes in one area at a time. Success comes from small changes on a daily basis.

If your diet could be improved, find one small area to work on rather than completely overhauling everything. Consider cutting down on sugar, salt, or drinking more water every day as a first step.

Sleep can be a struggle for everyone from time to time. Consider a sleep diary to record what time you go to bed and wake up, how you feel when you get up in the morning, and whether you woke up at all during the night. A diary can be helpful in pinpointing specific sleep issues you may be having, an important first step for lasting and impactful change.

And exercise presents its own unique challenges in the time of COVID. Although typically a faithful gym goer, I have recently switched to working out at home to reduce potential exposure. I do have to say that there are a ton of great online resources for home workouts! Gyms can be intimidating but you can eliminate this barrier by picking up a few free weights and enjoying the privacy of your own home.

The key to any change is to start small and be consistent. You can do ANYthing but don’t have to do EVERYthing all at once!

Bonus Resources

And if you still feel tired after trying all of the above, here are a few bonus resources which have significantly impacted my life!

From the Blog

Inspirational Reads

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I truly hope you have found something helpful in this post! Leave a comment below about why you feel tired and what you plan to do about it! Although frustrating, it can be comforting to know that other people are in a similar situation and that you’re definitely not alone.

5 Powerful Strategies to Ditch People Pleasing Forever

5 Powerful Strategies to Ditch People Pleasing Forever

Is saying no to others, even when you have no interest in doing what they ask, difficult?

Are you constantly seeking approval from those around you?

Do you find yourself subtly changing into a different person when around diverse groups of people?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, people pleasing tendencies may be running rampant in your life.

People pleasing is an unhealthy coping mechanism which keeps you from becoming the person you truly are. It robs you of authenticity and results in exceedingly unsatisfactory relationships.

But you can take back control over your life and halt people pleasing in its tracks. Recognition is the first step.

This post may contain affiliate links, which means we may receive a commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase through a link. Please see our full disclosure for further information.

What is People Pleasing?

People pleasing behaviors can show up in your life in a wide variety of ways. Some ways may be obvious to others (external) and others (internal) may only be perceptible to you.

Internal examples may include:

  • Taking responsibility for the emotions of others
  • Feeling overwhelmed by tasks and obligations which are not even your own
  • Fearfulness that others won’t like or accept you unless you are agreeable with what they say or ask of you
  • Intense discomfort when you perceive that someone may be upset with you
  • Inability to identify your feelings

External examples may include:

  • Agreeing with the opinions of others even if you don’t actually agree
  • Frequent apologies to others for actions or circumstances completely out of your control
  • Inability to say no to others
  • Avoiding conflict with others at all costs
  • Inability to express your feelings to others
  • Intense need to prove yourself to others through your actions

Unless you begin to recognize how people pleasing is impacting your life, change is impossible. And as someone who has struggled with people pleasing, I can tell you with confidence that it’s truly no way to live.

Until I began taking personal development seriously, I struggled with the vague sense that something big was hindering my journey. Something was driving my guilt and irrational need to agree with everyone around me. And something was getting in the way of being able to live life on my terms.

After countless podcasts, hours of self-reflection and journaling, and more discussions with a therapist than I can count, I finally had a revelation. People pleasing was at the root of so much of my unhappiness and negative outlook.

You may also enjoy reading this post about improving your mindset.

What’s Wrong with People Pleasing?

“There’s something very addictive about people pleasing. It’s a thought pattern and a habit that feels really, really good until it becomes desperate.”

Anne Hathaway

At first glance, people pleasing may seem harmless. After all, what’s wrong with making other people happy?

Boundaries

One major problem with people pleasing is a complete lack of boundaries. Saying “yes” to everyone else can unfortunately mean saying “no” to yourself.

What can start as a simple desire to be nice can lead to a cascade of overwhelm and neglect of your own needs. It’s almost as if you become so hyper-focused on everyone else that you completely forget yourself.

The needs of those around you begin to take priority and you slowly lose yourself. Your needs take a back burner as you put out the fires of everyone else around you.

As you slowly assume responsibility for the thoughts and feelings of those around you, your mindset turns decidedly more negative.

And without boundaries, you start to resent those around you for all the work you’re doing and the work they’re not doing. This quickly transforms into resentment and passive aggressive thoughts, feelings, and actions.

A lack of boundaries is the fast track to overwhelm, burnout, and stress.

Looking for more information about boundaries? Check out this resource.

Stress

People pleasing often means your calendar is packed to the brim with activities you may not be particularly excited about. It may be so full that you feel as if adding even one more task would absolutely put you over the edge of sanity.

You’re constantly running, running, running but never feel as if you get anywhere. You also lack a sincere sense of accomplishment because instead of setting and meeting your own goals, you’re constantly going after the goals of everyone around you.

Self-care is consistently neglected in the name of self-sacrifice. In fact, you may be completely unable to identify activities which would be good for you because you’re too busy meeting everyone else’s needs.

You have zero free time and no hope that you ever will in the future.

Although stress can be good, too much over an extended period of time can lead to chronic physical and mental illness. It can also lead to low self-esteem and unfulfilling relationships.

Need advice on how to find peace despite stress? Check out this post.

Self-Esteem

Constantly focusing on the needs of those around you means you will completely forget your own needs. As your own needs sink lower and lower on your ever growing list of things to do, so will your self-esteem.

You begin to believe that everyone else’s needs are more important than your own which only serves to plummet your self-esteem even lower.

And as your self-esteem worsens, so does your relationships with those around you. Excessive people pleasing often means you’ve completely lost touch with who you are as a person, the very thing which can actually strengthen relationships with others. The loss of self means loss of connection with anyone else either.

Losing authenticity can further lower your self-esteem and worsen depression and anxiety. A constant sense of guilt and a complete lack of fulfillment clouds your thinking and can feed addiction, perfectionism, and an already negative mindset.

Looking for advice on how to achieve a more positive mindset? Check out this post.

Why Does People Pleasing Start?

In order to understand strategies to ditch people pleasing, you need to understand why it develops in the first place.

Your Early Years

As with almost anything in life, your early years may have had something to do with your current people pleasing tendencies. If your parents were overly critical, or emotionally/physically unavailable, your young self may have adapted a people pleasing coping mechanism.

You perhaps learned early on that if you were “helpful” and “agreeable” then people loved and accepted you. And because we are incapable of caring for ourselves when we are young, we depend upon others to care for us.

Acceptance, by any means possible, means survival.

Although you may have developed people pleasing coping mechanisms as a young child, you are now an adult. You have control over your own life now and can choose to make positive changes, especially if your current mindset isn’t working for you.

Fear of Rejection

This next one relates closely to the previous one in that a deeply rooted fear of rejection drives your people pleasing activities. You have learned that people like other people who agree with them, even if only superficially.

Rather than risk rocking the boat and possible rejection, you simply say “yes” to everything.

And on the flip side, you are seeking approval and validation from others rather than searching inside yourself. This leads to a constant cycle of people pleasing as you seek outside affirmation about your worth which is lacking from within. It ultimately means you end up believing that you need to prove your worthiness to others or face rejection.

Control

At its core, people pleasing can also be about control.

Disagreeing with others feels intensely uncomfortable and you do anything possible to avoid it. Anything includes agreeing even when doing so means you become inauthentic with yourself, your beliefs, and your own needs.

Agreeing means taking control by avoiding conflict. Taking control feels safe and predictable because this is likely a long-standing pattern for you.

It’s a pattern in which you subconsciously assume responsibility for the emotions of others around you and act accordingly.

But you can break free. You can stop living your life for others and instead, starting living for yourself!

Struggling with perfectionism? This post is for you.

How You Can Ditch People Pleasing

Now that you have some insight into what people pleasing entails, why it’s bad, and where it comes from, it’s time to cover how you can leave it behind forever!

1. Listen to Yourself

This first one seems intuitive and almost too simple but if you’ve been living your life for others, it will take time and practice. Start small and pay attention to that still, small voice inside.

Pay attention to your feelings instead of balling them up and shoving them deep down inside. How are you feeling right now? Are you authentically living a life you love? Or are you living the life everyone else wants for you?

How does it truly feel to say “yes” to something? Does doing what you agreed to do make you feel energized and alive? Does it align with your core purpose? Or does it leave you feeling tired and drained?

Practice identifying your smallest, most basic needs. Once identified, take action to meet them and relish in the satisfaction of finally having your needs met.

2. Say No to People Pleasing

No can be a tough word. You’re so used to pleasing everyone around you that it may sound harsh and uncaring. But as a fellow people pleaser, I can say with certainty that saying “no” to others means saying “yes” to yourself.

Start by identifying something on your list which you truly can’t stand. Something which is a huge imposition to yourself or which causes extensive anxiety in a completely useless and unproductive way.

Think about how great it would feel not to have that thing looming over your head anymore. How amazing would it be to get back just a little of your time and freedom?

Pretty incredible, right?

Now say “no” to that thing. Dump the responsibility which was never yours in the first place. Put it back squarely in the hands of the one who should have done it in the first place.

3. Get Help

Working on yourself is hard! Sometimes we all need a little encouragement that we’re going down the right path. We all need affirmation that the tough path is indeed the one we need to be taking.

Whether it’s a therapist, a coach, or a trusted friend, find someone to help you through. Find the person who can give you outside perspective on your internal perception.

Breaking free from people pleasing is tough and you need someone fighting right along with you to ensure your success. Life is meant to be lived in harmony with others in a healthy, positive way. By seeking out help now, you’re taking the first steps towards a lifetime of fulfilling and meaningful relationships!

4. Commit to Improving Your Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem keeps you stuck in people pleasing mode. It keeps you from putting yourself and your needs first. And it encourages you to keep seeking validation from outside yourself.

But in order to be truly happy, you must realize that you, and only you, hold the key to your own happiness. Nothing outside yourself will ever bring the type of truly satisfying and fulfilling happiness that you deserve.

And you deserve happiness as much as anyone else! Your needs, wants, and desires are important. It’s only when you realize this that you can improve your self-esteem and ultimately break free from people pleasing forever!

Struggling with self-love? Click here for powerful strategies to improve your self-love!

5. Set Boundaries

People pleasing is all about blurring the lines. It’s about abandoning your own needs in the name of helping others. And it’s about taking on responsibility which is not yours.

People pleasing is an insidious loss of personal boundaries. It starts ever so gradually but quickly snowballs into completely unmet and unvoiced expectations, passive aggression, and loss of yourself.

Boundaries are important because they tell you exactly where your responsibilities lie. They give you the freedom to stop worrying about things which aren’t yours to worry about. And they give you the opportunity to be amazing in the realm which is your responsibility.

Boundaries actually give you the space to be who you are without worrying about what anyone else thinks. They bring authenticity and with authenticity comes the type of true and meaningful relationships you so deeply desire.

Extra Resources to Leave People Pleasing in the Past!

Even when you understand the who, what, when, where, and why of a situation, truly leaving it in the past can be difficult. Here are a few of my favorite resources in my own journey to ditch people pleasing!

This Book

If you’re looking for a quick, motivational read, look no further than Girl, Stop Apologizing! It’s just the kick-in-the-pants you need to break free from negative thought patterns and to instead head off into your own direction. Entertaining, real, and absolutely one of the most inspirational books I’ve read thus far.

That Book

Although not what I would describe as motivational, this next one is eye-opening. After doing work in counseling, I realized that codependency was intricately tied into my people pleasing tendencies and got serious about learning more. This book has become an invaluable resource in discovering codependency and more importantly, what to do about it.

And Don’t Forget This Book!

If boundaries are particularly challenging, this next one is for you! I also discovered this one during counseling and have read it multiple times to fully absorb the value found in its pages.

And there you have it! I truly hope you have found this post helpful and have committed to leaving people pleasing behind forever! Drop a comment below on what you took away from this post and your biggest struggles in leaving the people pleasing in the past. Have you found tips or tricks which we may also find helpful?

Love Yourself: 10 Tips to Fearless Self-Love

Love Yourself: 10 Tips to Fearless Self-Love

Love yourself. We’ve all heard this timeless yet valuable advice. But how many can say they actually do? How many of us truly love ourselves unconditionally?

I will be the first to admit this has often been a struggle for me.

Learning to love yourself takes time and practice. It requires commitment to shifting how you think about yourself and the world around you. But if you stick with it, figuring out how to love yourself is one of the very best ways to improve your confidence, your self-esteem, and the relationships with those around you.

Are you ready?

Let’s dive right in to how you can love yourself and stop relying on the approval of others!

This post may contain affiliate links, which means we may receive a commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase through a link. Please see our full disclosure for further information.

1. Love Yourself by Caring for Your Body

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”

Thich Nhat Hanh

One of the most concrete ways you can love yourself is by taking care of your body. Getting enough sleep at night, exercising regularly, and eating a balanced diet can make a huge difference in how you feel on a daily basis.

And when you’re feeling great physically, loving yourself comes much more easily.

There have been times in my life when I have been chronically sleep deprived and living off of sugar. Those were times in which I was physically and emotionally drained. Loving myself wasn’t even a blip on my radar at the time because I was in survival mode.

But surviving is NOT thriving. It’s not where I want to be for any length of time.

And I don’t think it’s where you want to be either.

Start taking care of your body today with one small decision. Think about which area is most lacking right now, make a plan, and take action!

You may also enjoy reading ‘Get Better Sleep Tonight!’

2. Journaling

To love yourself, you must first know yourself. And one of the best ways to get to know yourself is by journaling.

Although it can take some practice, journaling is an incredibly diverse exercise which helps you get to the very core of what makes you tick.

Sometimes daily life has a tendency to keep you stuck in your own head. This is especially true if you are someone who tends to the introverted side and who has an active “thought life.”

Getting all those thoughts out on paper not only calms your mind but also provides insight into who you are and what motivates you. It’s especially powerful when combined with personal affirmations such as “I can handle anything that comes at me.” Or “I am worthy of love and respect.”

Journaling is amazing because you can write whatever you want! Whatever’s on your mind or in your heart. It’s a completely judgment-free zone.

Take the first step today by making a decision to journal on a consistent basis. Figure out a time each day when journaling could be incorporated and start writing!

3. Banish the Negative Self-Talk

Have you ever stopped to think about your thinking? More specifically, have you thought about that little voice providing constant commentary to your daily life?

If not, start paying attention to that little voice. Is it typically cheering you on? Or is it telling you to fear everything and that failure is inevitable?

Self-talk is sneaky yet powerful. It quietly permeates every little thought and feeling.

Your self-talk matters. It can either build you up or tear you down.

Self-talk influences your confidence, self-esteem, and how you see yourself. And if you’ve never gotten serious about taking control of your self-talk, now is the time!

Awareness is the very first step in transforming your self-talk and finally loving yourself fearlessly!

You may also enjoy reading ‘5 Ways You Can Conquer Self-Doubt!’

4. Foster Self-Compassion

“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

Louise Hay

Love and compassion go together. But if you struggle with negative self-talk, you also likely struggle to be compassionate with yourself.

Self-compassion can be especially difficult if you have perfectionist tendencies. Perfectionism often means the expectations you have for yourself are vague and unreasonably high. They are often so high that no one could ever attain them.

And the consequences for not attaining these expectations? Self-directed shame, blame, and guilt.

It’s tough to love yourself when shame and guilt are constant companions.

Ditch the negativity! Give yourself a break the next time things don’t work out as you had wanted. One of the best ways to do this is to ask yourself this one simple question the next time your inner critic takes control. “Would I say this comment out loud to someone I love?”

If not, then don’t say it to yourself either. Your inner self deserves both love and compassion.

You may also enjoy reading ‘How to Overcome Perfectionism!’

5. Love Yourself by Finding the Joy

Amidst all the negative self-talk, harsh criticisms, and the challenges inherent to life, it can be difficult to stay positive. But it can also be difficult to love yourself if all you see is the negative.

I have definitely been caught up in the negatives at many points in my life. Overwhelm gradually took over and loving myself took a back burner. Those were times in which I mistakenly thought that if I just focused on work and what I needed to get done, things would eventually improve.

But the harder I worked, the worse I felt.

And then one day it dawned on me that I had completely eliminated joy from my life. I was missing out on all the wonderful things life has to offer by closing myself off to joy.

If you are feeling a constant state of negativity, try adding joy back into your life. Look for opportunities to smile. Laugh. Try something new.

You just might be surprised at how easy it is to love yourself when doing something which brings you joy!

6. Be Grateful

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

Oprah Winfrey

One of the keys to fearless self-love is gratitude for all that you have and all that you are. You are you for a reason and have so many unique qualities to share with the world around you.

But only by sitting down and consciously listing out what you are grateful for can you truly begin to appreciate the blessings in your life.

Putting gratitude front and center in your life not only improves your self-love but also your overall outlook. It suddenly becomes much easier to see the good in every situation. Gratitude is a powerful force which can replace even the most persistent negative thoughts.

Commit to starting a gratitude practice today. It can be as easy as writing down 3 things you are grateful for in your journal each morning. A simple, yet powerful way to kick start your day and supercharge your self-love!

7. Focus on Your Strengths

It wasn’t until I committed to figuring out who I was as a person that I was finally able to love and appreciate who I am. And part of figuring out who you are involves determining your strengths and weaknesses.

We all have them. Areas where we both excel and struggle.

And I used to operate under the assumption that my time should be spent developing my weaknesses. That I could indeed excel at everything instead of only in specific areas.

But then I discovered this book and my outlook did a 180. The premise of the book is that spending time developing your weaknesses is actually a waste. You are instead much better off fostering existing strengths as you will be able to make exceedingly more progress.

I also discovered that for me personally, spending time in areas where I do not excel drains my energy. This makes me overall less effective than I would be by staying in my strengths.

Take the first step today toward discovering your own strengths by reading my story here. I highly encourage you to love yourself on a deeper level by starting your own strength finding journey!

8. Learn Boundaries

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.”

Brene Brown

Sometimes one of the best ways to love yourself is to say “no” to others. If you’re in a constant state of overwhelm verging on burnout, maybe it’s time to examine where your energy is spent.

It’s so easy to lose yourself under the guise of helping others. And don’t get me wrong … you should help others when possible. But helping others should never come at the expense of meeting your own needs.

You are responsible for you. Being you comes with its own set of responsibilities and priorities. No one else will worry about your self-care or whether you’re making progress toward personal goals.

Freedom comes from knowing your individual responsibilities and saying “no” to anything which isn’t your responsibility. There’s a sense of peace which descends upon you once you stop worrying about things you have no control over.

Setting boundaries takes practice but is well worth the effort! Check out this book and learn how you can start setting healthy boundaries today.

9. Follow Through

Do what you say you’re going to do. Align your inner beliefs with your outer actions. Be true to yourself.

Following through is infinitely easier once you’ve established (and committed to!) personal boundaries. Without solid boundaries, agreeing to anything anyone asks of you is tempting, especially if you are a people pleaser.

Living a life free of boundaries means trying to take responsibility which isn’t yours in the first place. It quickly leads to overwhelm, burnout, and an inability to actually do everything you’ve agreed to do. Following through becomes impossible because there’s simply too much on your plate.

Learning to love yourself fearlessly comes from a place of authenticity. It comes from honesty to yourself and to those around you.

And although it takes practice, consistent follow through will increase the trust you have in yourself which will in turn improve your self-love.

10. Acceptance of What Is

“Accept – then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it … this will miraculously transform your whole life.”

Eckhart Tolle

Acceptance is powerful. We waste so much of our time playing the “I’ll be happy when …” game. “I’ll be happy when I lose this weight.” Or “I’ll be happy when I’m done with school.”

And our culture of comparison only feeds into our unhappiness and inability to truly love ourselves. As does the constant subliminal advertising by companies promising to bring fulfillment and meaning to our lives through a new car or designer clothing.

True acceptance means finding joy and figuring out how to love yourself even when things aren’t ideal. It means learning to accept reality regardless of the circumstances and without blowing your budget on material objects you don’t need.

Wishing things were different instead of accepting reality is futile and a waste of energy. Refusing to accept what is causes untold pain and grief.

But the good news is that you have the ability to decide to accept your reality. Stop fighting against that which you can’t change. Spend your time instead looking for anything you do have control over and be a positive force.

Accept and love yourself.

You may also enjoy reading ‘Anxiety Relieving Activities Which Actually Work!’

It’s Your Turn

Figuring out how to love yourself, flaws and all, is a journey. It’s small daily decisions to reject self-criticism and to have more self-compassion. Getting enough sleep, journaling, and being grateful for the blessings in your life also pave the way to greater self-love.

Love yourself on a deeper level and you will find that your love for others also grows. As does your overall joy and happiness in your daily life.

I truly hope you have found this post helpful and have come away with new resolve to love yourself more! As always, I’d love to hear your biggest take-aways below!

How to Build Your Self-Confidence and Improve Your Life

How to Build Your Self-Confidence and Improve Your Life

“Confidence is not “they will like me.” Confidence is “I’ll be fine if they don’t.”

Christina Grimmie

We all know that one person who oozes confidence regardless of the situation. The person who walks into a room and is immediately noticed by everyone. And the person who is so deeply rooted in who they are that they couldn’t care less whether anyone else likes them or not.

We’ve all encountered situations where we wish we were more self-confident. If you’re ready to get serious about how to build your self-confidence, this article is for you! Stick with me as we break down how you can start feeling more confident today!

This post may contain affiliate links, which means we may receive a commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase through a link. Please see our full disclosure for further information.

What is self-confidence?

Self-confidence is more about perception than any actual skill or talent. It’s all in how you think about yourself and actually has nothing to do with what anyone else thinks of you.

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”

Henry Ford

At the core of self-confidence is a belief in yourself and your abilities. It’s knowing your unique combination of strengths and challenges. And perhaps most importantly, it’s loving and accepting yourself for the person you are.

Why is it important?

Learning how to build your self-confidence is crucial for attaining success in life. Without it, a host of negative feelings can take over your thinking and your life.

Negativity such as a constant state of feeling inferior. Fearing any attempt to try something new or to possibly fail at anything. Constantly second guessing each and every little decision in your life. And continuously worrying about what other people think.

Living a fearless, awesome life with that type of negative thinking overshadowing everything is impossible.

It’s not the type of life I want. And since you’ve read this far down, I’m guessing it’s not the life for you either!

Taking the time to build your self-confidence results in a greater sense of accomplishment and purpose. You will be more willing to put yourself out there and to set higher goals.

Build Your Self-Confidence by Knowing Your Strengths

Knowing your strengths (and weaknesses) is one of the keys to building your self-confidence. We are all equipped with a slightly different skill set and finding the intersection between passion and talent is part of what makes life so incredible.

You are you for a reason. Each one of us is unique and special in our own way.

Life is way too complicated to be good at everything and there’s a sense of peace which comes with knowing where you excel.

But figuring out where your talents lie can be trickier than you think. Have you ever heard that saying about being unable to see the forest for the trees? Uncovering one’s strengths can be eerily similar.

One reason for this is that we have all these stories in our minds about who we are, what we do and don’t like and about what we should or shouldn’t be doing. All these stories we tell ourselves tend to cloud our thinking and make it nearly impossible to decipher whether something is a strength or whether we simply enjoy doing it.

And although we typically enjoy activities we excel in, this is not always the case. Discovering talent based upon enjoyment is therefore not very reliable.

All this to say that independently deciphering our own strengths is challenging at best.

But there are a couple of ways guaranteed to bring you closer to uncovering this valuable information.

Phone a Friend

The first is by asking someone you know and trust. Ideally someone who has your best interests at heart because both asking for and receiving feedback can be difficult.

It requires vulnerability, honesty and a willingness to embrace the response.

And the response may take you by surprise. Remember those stories we tell ourselves? It’s entirely possible to get so wrapped up into the story you’re telling yourself that receiving feedback to the contrary may be difficult.

Although it may not be the feedback you want, it may be just what you need to move forward. Those stories may be feeding into a distorted perception of yourself which is holding you back from your full potential and sense of self-confidence.

Sometimes self-confidence is lacking simply because we are not sure where our strengths and weaknesses lie. We are, in a sense, wandering around the wilderness without a compass. Gaining an outside perspective is an invaluable part of figuring out where to move forward with confidence and where to seek additional guidance.

Consulting a trusted friend or family member not only serves the purpose of gaining perspective but it also opens a line of communication and creates accountability. It gives you an opportunity to connect with someone on a deeper level which is yet another way you can build your self-confidence.

Combine this feedback with my next suggestion for determining your strengths and you will truly be unstoppable!

Take an Assessment

What if there were a way you could invest less than an hour of your time and in exchange be given a list of your top 5 strengths?

And what if your results were based upon scientific research?

Wouldn’t it feel incredible to approach life with a greater sense of confidence all because you know your strengths?

I can tell you from personal experience that it feels amazing to know my strengths and to be able to take action because of that knowledge! If you truly want to build your self-confidence, taking the StrengthsFinder 2.0 assessment is a must.

Prior to discovering this resource, I had only a vague sense of my strengths. I was completely unable to put them into words and felt as if I was wondering through life aimlessly.

And aimless is almost the direct opposite of confidence.

StrengthsFinder 2.0 changed everything for me. I stopped wasting time worrying about all the areas where I didn’t excel because I knew there were more important areas to focus on. It gave me a sense of freedom and confidence.

Armed with this valuable insight, I slowly began tackling all those stories I had been telling myself for years. I began putting a positive spin on my own self-perception and stopped the negative self-talk.

One of the main tenets of the StrengthsFinder 2.0 is knowledge allows you to focus your energy where you can move the needle forward. It helps you decipher where your impact would be most powerful instead of leaving you to waste time in pointless directions. It absolutely fulfilled those goals for me and as a result, my self-confidence skyrocketed!

Curious to learn more about the StrengthsFinder 2.0 assessment? Check out my personal story here.

Embrace Failure as a Learning Opportunity

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”

Henry Ford

Failure gets a bad rap. So many people regard it as the worst case scenario and something to avoid at all costs. It even prevents us from trying new things out of fear that we will fail.

But when was the last time you learned a memorable lesson from success? When was the last time you did something perfectly on your very first attempt and felt incredibly accomplished for doing so?

I’m willing to bet never.

Failure teaches us on a much deeper, more memorable level than success ever will. Sure, it’s nice to succeed once in a while. But success often comes only after multiple failures. It requires perseverance and courage.

In most areas of life, failure is a prerequisite for success.

And success is all the sweeter when you have overcome obstacle after obstacle in its pursuit.

Each time you look failure in the eye, stand up, and try again, your self-confidence dramatically improves. No, you may not have had the outcome you had hoped for but you learned something in the process. You came away with some type of information which will only make your next attempt that much better.

I was recently reminded of this a month ago when I encountered a heartbreaking loss which threatened to halt progress in one of my most beloved hobbies. Although difficult, the situation provided me perspective and a valuable lesson on perseverance despite failure. And thanks to the support and generosity of those around me, I’m beyond excited to be starting all over again! Get the full story here.

Build Your Self-Confidence Through Positive Thinking

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.”

Mary Englebreit

Nothing eats away more quickly at self-confidence than negative thinking. This includes chronic negativity, self-criticism, comparison, and unrealistic expectations.

Negative thinking is insidious. It slowly creeps its way into your subconscious, clouding your thinking and eating away at your self-esteem. Pretty soon, the world seems a dark and dreary place.

But you have the power to flip the switch! You can stop the negativity and instead, channel positive thinking.

You may also enjoy this post about how to stay motivated.

Develop Awareness

The very first step is awareness. Pay attention to your thoughts and how you are feeling when thinking those thoughts. Are you feeling empowered and inspired? Or are you in a constant state of irritation and overwhelm?

If the latter is true, then it’s time to dive deeper into the source of the negativity.

Maybe you have deeply rooted insecurities driving the negativity. Or maybe you experienced personal trauma you shoved deep down inside and never dealt with. It’s also possible that you picked up patterns of negative thinking during childhood.

Whatever the cause, it’s time to confront it.

A professional counselor is an invaluable resource when trying to get at the root of negative thinking. Just as it can be difficult to pinpoint your own strengths, so too can it be difficult to independently address negative thinking. An outside perspective is often exactly what you need to get back on the path to positivity.

Change the Scene

Once you become more familiar with the negative nature of your thoughts, start looking for triggers. Triggers are anything in your daily life which set off the cascade of negativity leaving you feeling annoyed and depressed.

One of my biggest triggers is social media. Spending too much time on Facebook and other platforms traps me into a comparison mindset. If I don’t take action to counteract it, a vague sense of discontent and dissatisfaction sets in. Typically it’s not about anything particular. But it is enough to darken my mood and leave me open to a full-on attack of negative thinking.

I’ve learned that I have to limit my social media use and be extremely mindful about the time I do spend with it.

Triggers may also be certain people in your life who are, for lack of a better description, “negative nellies.” These are people who always have a criticism about someone and nothing in their world ever goes right. It’s always raining, snowing, cold, or hailing. They are completely unable to see the positive in even the best circumstances.

If you have a tendency toward negative thinking, limit the time spent with the “negative nellies” in your life. Look instead for people who are positive and are able to find the good in even the worst situations. Those people who always have a nice word to say about someone and who also work hard to keep a positive spin.

Surrounding yourself with positive influences is one of the best ways to immediately build your self-confidence. It’s so much easier to see the good when those around you are also looking for the positive.

Build Your Self-Confidence Through Acceptance

I was listening to an incredibly powerful podcast last week about acceptance and how so much suffering stems from fighting reality. So much time and energy is wasted by wishing things were different.

The truth of the matter is that there is so much in life that we have no control over. Life simply isn’t fair much of the time and there’s nothing we can do about it.

Nothing except accept it. Accept that which is. We can choose our attitude and our response to unfair situations.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity, we can choose to pick ourselves back up, find a new direction, and move on. We can build our self-confidence by taking back our power over bad situations and negative thinking.

It’s Your Turn

Learning how to build your self-confidence takes time. Figuring out your strengths, learning how to embrace failure, and transforming your thinking from the negative to the positive won’t happen overnight.

But taking it one step, one day at a time is key to lasting and powerful change.

You owe it to yourself to start today.

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this article and where you struggle to build your self-confidence. Are there particular situations where you feel more confident than others? What has made the most difference in your journey toward becoming a more confident person?

And if you’re looking for more resources on improving your self-confidence, check out these books!

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One Mom’s Thoughts on The Great School Debate

One Mom’s Thoughts on The Great School Debate

As I write this, we are just around the corner from the start of a new school year. Store shelves are stocked with back to school essentials and kids everywhere are gearing up to go back. In many ways, this year is almost identical to those of the past.

Despite the similarities, this school year is fraught with controversy unlike any we’ve ever experienced.

I would argue that never in the history of public schools have so many parents questioned whether to send their kids back to school. It’s a tough question without a clear solution.

Both sides have valid arguments.

Our Story

My husband and I have wrestled with this question endlessly over the past few months. We both work in nursing homes and feel as if we live, breathe, and sleep coronavirus. Between the constant threat of PPE shortages, potential exposures within the facility, and the social impacts of quarantine on residents, work life is incredibly bleak right now.

Our days are spent figuring out how to minimize risk and maximize quality of life for a population statistically hit hardest by the virus.

It’s not surprising that the constant fear and anxiety about worst case scenarios then follows us home at night.

Home where 3 young kids depend on us. And like countless parents out there, we are doing our best to make the choices we feel are the right ones for our family.

The scary reality is that there’s so much which is simply unknown about this virus. We have no idea what the long-term effects are or which treatments are most effective. There is no vaccine yet or even knowledge about whether immunity would last more than a few months. The medical community can give no reassurance on how to know whether you or your loved ones would succumb to the most severe form of the virus.

Statistically speaking, most people, kids included, seem to recover without incident. But relying on statistics when the consequences are potentially fatal is not reassuring, especially when it comes to your kids.

Especially when your youngest was born prematurely and then spent 3 weeks in the NICU. Or when he has had multiple hospitalizations for respiratory illnesses.

And although he has grown so much over the past 4 years, the terror of almost losing him at several points still haunts us.

Not a Teacher

Despite all the unknowns about the virus, there are valid reasons to send our kids back to school. The most compelling is that neither my husband nor I is an elementary teacher. When schools suddenly closed last spring, I felt completely lost and overwhelmed by resuming their curriculum myself at home.

I felt completely unprepared to teach my third grader 50 different ways to complete one math problem. Or simplify science to the point where it was both educational and interesting for a kindergartener.

Don’t get me wrong. I love teaching my kids a wide variety of useful life skills and knowledge.

But my kids see me as mom. They see me as the person who meets all their basic needs. I’m the one who buys their favorite snacks, does their laundry, and tucks them in at night.

And although our house has boundaries, I’m also the one they behave the worst around. Between the tantrums and the talking back and the fighting, my days are often exhausting.

But as my husband reminds me, it’s a good thing that they feel comfortable enough at home to let it all out. They are typically very well behaved in most other settings which means they have to get it out somewhere. I’d rather have them fall apart at home than anywhere else.

Being mom and teacher adds a level of stress to the relationship which I simply don’t want. And much of this has to do with my own perfectionist tendencies because I know the added frustration would be on me. Although I am working on these tendencies, doing so with the burden of being solely responsible for the education of my kids is not a positive situation.

My sanity and the preservation of my relationship with my kids demands they learn from their highly talented teachers.

Check out this hilarious video for another mom’s take on homeschooling!

Social Skills

Another incredibly compelling reason to send the kids back to school is their socialization. They need interaction with other kids their age for their own development.

My parents kept me home until I was in first grade and I’ve always felt that this impacted me negatively. Interacting with other kids who weren’t family members was terrifying by that point! I can completely understand the financial aspects of keeping me out of day care and don’t blame them however do feel it stunted my social growth.

To this day, I feel that my natural introvert tendencies were greatly enhanced by the delayed introduction to socialization.

I would hate for my kids to be in a similar position.

Although my kids have been in day care basically since birth, our center closed down back in March when the schools closed. The center did open back up about a month later but we opted to keep them out due to our anxiety over the virus.

Because let’s be honest. If there’s one place where you’re sure to pick up a communicable illness, it’s day care. I don’t care how clean the center, kids are kids and put their mouths and hands on everything.

Our kids have therefore been their own playmates for these past few months and are eager to expand their social circles. I am also eager to get them interacting with others again.

Back to School or Bust

My husband and I both work full-time. I’ve never envisioned myself as a stay-at-home mom or had any desire to be one. I give all the credit in the world to the moms who are able to make it work but I would struggle without the challenges work provides.

Work challenges are admittedly a bit much at times but I love making a difference in the lives of my patients! And having only graduated as a nurse practitioner a year ago, I’m still eager to learn and grow when I walk into work each morning. I’ve worked tirelessly to get where I am and wouldn’t want to lose that even in the midst of a global pandemic.

It’s funny to think back to when I chose this career path over 10 years ago. Beyond a strong desire to help others, one of the reasons I chose healthcare was for job stability. My young and very naive mind felt that even if the world came to an end, people would still need nurses.

Enter coronavirus.

It’s been more than a little unnerving to watch nurses and other essential healthcare workers laid off. The world has changed dramatically overnight and there’s not much any of us can do about it but hang on tight and see what happens next.

All this to say that I’m so thankful for my job and the opportunity to do what I do. Voluntarily walking away at this point is not an option.

Beyond the fulfillment work provides are the student loans I’ve accrued over the past 10 years.

Our budget relies upon two incomes. And I’m not confident I can excel at both working full-time and homeschooling my children.

The Working Mom Dilemma

Unfortunately the pandemic has thrown so many other working moms in the same dilemma. How do you continue providing for your family without sending your kids back to school?

Yet another example of the constant pull between work and home.

Working moms are unfortunately all too familiar with the juggling act required to keep all the balls in the air. But in this situation, the stakes are much higher.

Families everywhere are being asked to choose between health, education, and economic wellbeing. And unfortunately, the current situation makes it extremely difficult to have all three simultaneously.

It’s especially problematic for those of us who are unable to work remotely. And even for those who can work from home, I can only imagine how productive working from home is when you have young kids. Now throw the added stress of schoolwork on top of everything else and it’s one big recipe for disaster.

But if there’s anything I’ve learned from being a working mom, it’s that I can do hard things. I can make tough choices and provide for my family while being an engaged and supportive mom.

It can even be argued that I’m a better mom because I work. And somehow, in some weird way, everything will work out. Today’s tough decisions will turn into tomorrow’s blessings. We will pull through this.

Check out this post for the secret to making working mom life work.

Make a Decision

There is not a one-size-fits-all decision in this incredibly complex situation. You have to seek out the information that you feel will best assist in your decision-making and move forward.

And just because you make one decision now, it doesn’t mean you can’t later change your mind. Maybe your situation changes in a few months and you have to pivot. It’s not a big deal! Life is always changing which means we have to change with it. We don’t have the luxury of staying where we’re at for too long.

Change is difficult, especially when there are so many unknowns. But all you can do is make the best possible decision based on the information immediately available to you.

Take the time to find the most useful information and filter out the rest. Although admittedly apprehensive about sending my kids back to school, my husband suggested we meet with the school to learn more about their precautions.

And do you know what? I felt so much better about our decision after doing so. Our school is taking the health department guidelines seriously and has implemented so many changes to make everyone as safe as possible.

I’m feeling much more encouraged about their new learning environment and the many benefits that come with these changes. Reaching out for help was all I needed to confirm our decision.

Check out this post for tips on finding peace despite chaos.

We Will Get Through This … Together

Do you want to know what will make getting through 2020 nearly impossible? Blame. Division. Wishing things were different. Spending too much time on social media. As moms, we need to gather together and support each other in our very personal decisions about going back to school.

This has been a tough year for all of us. But maybe one thing we can take away from it is how much we need each other. Maybe this is an opportunity to set a new course, learn, and grow as moms and as women.

After all, there’s nothing like a global pandemic to force us into re-evaluating our priorities. The old normal is gone, never to return. But we have an amazing opportunity to create something new.

This is our time to seize the day! We can create a better world for our kids.

And it starts with shutting off the news, stopping the social media scroll, and truly connecting with our loved ones. Have confidence in yourself and your decisions. The back to school dilemma is a tough one but deep inside, you know what’s best for your family.

It also starts with taking care of ourselves, mind, body, and spirit. Do what makes you truly happy and stop caring what anyone else thinks. Work toward acceptance of any situation. Realize that so much suffering in life is self-perpetuated by failing to accept what we can’t change.

We have no way of knowing what the future holds. But we can’t possibly have any inner peace if we are constantly assuming the worst. Happiness comes from acceptance of that which we can’t change.

Choose gratitude and look for something to be grateful for in even the worst circumstances because there’s ALWAYS a silver lining. Let’s all embrace the positive, band together, and start this school year off on the right foot!

And if you’re the one heading off to school this fall, check out this post for authentic advice on going back to school as a mom.

It’s Your Turn

Are you struggling with whether to send your kids back to school this year? Or have you made a decision but question whether it’s the right one? Maybe you made the decision months ago and are feeling incredibly confident about your decision.

Drop a comment below and tell us about it! I’d love to hear your perspective on how the pandemic is impacting your life. We’re all in this together and maybe your story can help someone else on their journey. As always, thank you so much for reading and I hope you have come away motivated to live your best life!

7 Life Lessons from Horses

7 Life Lessons from Horses

Earlier this week, I received the call every horse owner dreads. The call which starts with “there’s been a terrible accident” and ends with uncontrollable sobbing.

Grief and pain immediately take over, leaving you unable to do anything but continuously replay the horrific details over and over again in your mind. In that one instant, all your hopes and dreams suddenly vanish and you are paralyzed with sadness.

Moving on after such an intensely sudden and painful loss feels utterly impossible.

It’s the type of call which causes you to question why you ever got involved with horses in the first place. This one incident threatens to derail a lifetime of passion, perseverance, and hard work.

Even despite the emotional agony, a tiny piece of me yearned for the answer. I desperately needed something to hold onto. Something to get me through the quiet desperation of an unfair situation.

That tiny piece of me needed a silver lining. I needed his legacy to be defined not by his death but by his life and by the value horses have brought into my life.

I’ve heard it said time and time again that horses have the ability to reveal things about ourselves which would otherwise remain hidden. They are a mirror into our inner selves and I sincerely believe this. Every partnership has something different to teach us if we are willing to listen.

In this time of grief, I am choosing to reflect back upon life lessons from horses rather than dwell upon the sadness of his loss. And if you are going through a similar situation, I hope that you too can take comfort in reflecting back upon all the good times. The times which were so incredible that you’d never dream of trading them even if you knew how it all would end.

This post may contain affiliate links, which means we may receive a commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase through a link. Please see our full disclosure for further information.

My History with Horses

Fortunately (or unfortunately for my husband!) horses have been a lifelong obsession. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t fascinated by their beauty, strength, and majesty.

Some of my earliest memories revolve around our family’s horses. Although my dad and his brothers operated a dairy farm, we always had a diverse range of horses around. My dad and uncle grew up farming with horses and even after machinery entered the picture, the horses remained.

As did my passion for these beautiful animals. And my own life lessons from horses.

I read everything about horses that I could get my hands on. Subscribed to multiple magazines and watched movies and shows galore. Throughout middle and high school, I rode in 4-H and other open shows. And as a natural introvert growing up in a very small town, horses also served an emotional support role for me.

After high school graduation, my life went a completely different direction. Horses were no longer a central focus and although the passion was still there, it lay dormant for a period of time.

A New Direction in Life Lessons from Horses

About 5 years ago, I began to feel the need to include horses in my life once again. After some searching, I finally found an instructor willing to give me a few lessons in a completely different discipline than I had grown up doing. And I immediately fell in love once again! Since that time, I’ve ridden a few different lesson horses under her careful (and very patient!) guidance, even doing a partial lease on one.

But there’s just something about owning your own horse. Ownership means an opportunity to grow and bond with the animal on an entirely different level.

Although I had seriously contemplated ownership, there were several significant roadblocks (aka my husband) in my path so I eventually resigned myself to leasing.

Until about a month ago when my sister completely took me by surprise with an offer. She had recently acquired a new horse and was wondering whether I was interested in her other horse, Ike.

My sister had purchased Ike about 10 years ago and had gone through thick and thin with that horse. She had taken him from an unruly youngster to a sound and sane partner over those years. Countless hours of patient and persistent work were put into him.

But despite all those hours, Ike simply was never cut out for the type of riding my sister loves. He liked to move out and became bored easily, qualities which do not win in the western pleasure circuit.

But they are qualities sought after in the dressage arena and he was therefore right up my alley.

After about a week of begging and pleading, my husband begrudgingly agreed to the purchase. And I was in heaven! After 5 years of lessons and leasing other people’s horses, I was finally going to have one of my own.

Curious about dressage? Find out more here.

Ike

Although I had ridden Ike a few times over the years, it had been over 5 years since I had last done so. To make matters even more complicated, my sister lives in Kansas, a bit of a trek from my home in Wisconsin. Agreeing to the purchase without even trying him under saddle beforehand was a gamble.

But a chance at horse ownership meant fulfillment of my dressage dreams and even more life lessons from horses. It was a gamble I was definitely willing to take.

After some deliberation, my sister decided to make the trip from Kansas up to Minnesota where her in-laws live on a Thursday and then head to my trainer’s farm the following day.

On that Friday morning, I eagerly waited for her to drive up with my dream horse in tow. Finally, I heard the rumble of gravel and frantic whinnying signaling his arrival.

He was clearly not impressed with the number of hours spent in the trailer over the past 2 days.

Despite being slightly disgruntled, he calmly walked out of the trailer and across the yard to the round pen. After trotting a couple of laps in the pen, he realized there was grass to mow down and he settled right in.

Two days later, I saddled up for the first time and had an absolutely fabulous first ride. I was ecstatic thinking about our future together and the partnership being built.

Little did I know that our first ride would also be our last and in a little over 24 hours, I would be making the heartbreaking decision to say goodbye forever.

Life Lessons from Horses

Although our journey together was incredibly short, Ike’s loss has been a deeply painful experience. I wouldn’t have changed a thing but desperately wish we could have had more time together.

In moments like these, there’s a natural tendency to question why bad things happen. And in truth, we may never get the satisfaction of knowing exactly why things happen the way they do.

But we can make a choice to actively search for the silver lining. We can choose to focus on the good which is present in even the worst of circumstances.

Ike’s loss has driven me to search for the good and the valuable life lessons from horses I’ve gained over the years. He gave me retrospection and the opportunity to appreciate the impact horses have had on my life.

And for that, I am truly grateful.

1. Be Grateful for Life Lessons from Horses

Life comes with no guarantees and tomorrow is not a promise. The key to happiness is appreciating the here and now as the gift that it is.

Too many people in this world spend all their energy wishing for things to be different instead of acknowledging what they do have. I am certainly no exception.

There have been more than a few moments over the past week when I have desperately wished things had gone differently. But no amount of wishing will bring him back again.

And this type of mindset gets you nowhere except bitter and unhappy.

Although there will never be another Ike, there are other incredible horses out there waiting for their human partner. And those lesson horses that I spent the past 5 years riding? They’re still there too.

I have so much more to learn and am incredibly grateful for everything they have taught me thus far.

Choose to be grateful and watch your world brighten.

2. All Good Things Take Time

If you want to truly excel at something, you have to put in the work. There are no quick fixes in life. No shortcuts.

Especially when you are building a partnership. This is true regardless of whether it’s with a horse or with another human.

Building trust takes time and effort.

Things will almost never go according to plan and nothing worth pursuing in life comes easy.

Add in a little patience and you have the recipe for success in the dressage arena and in life.

3. Do What You Love

Want some good news? Opportunity is everywhere in life but it comes with a catch.

Opportunity is everywhere in life.

Confused?

Let me explain.

The world is full of distractions disguised as opportunity. There are choices to be made at every turn. Choices about your work and home life. And choices about how you spend your free time.

In other words, you have to be intentional about your time otherwise you will undoubtedly fill it with mindless distraction.

But if you are truly passionate about something, set your intention and follow it with all your heart.

Life is too short to live in a state of constant distraction instead of with focused intention.

4. Forgive Easily

Any partnership, whether with a fellow human or with a horse, is susceptible to misunderstandings from time to time. We will be let down because no horse or human is perfect.

But if our ultimate goal is a strong partnership, there can be no room for holding grudges. We have to learn to let the small things go for the sake of the bigger picture.

In thinking back to my early days of riding, I had a tendency to hold grudges against my horse for not responding correctly. I would then hold onto this negativity and it would darken the entire riding experience.

Once I learned to let go of perfection and forgive the mistakes, riding became much more satisfying. It took on a lighter and more positive experience when I finally realized that I was far from perfect and should forgive my horse’s honest mistakes.

Forgiveness is central to happiness because bad things are inevitable in life. Learning how to process tough emotions and move on releases us from a cycle of pain and bitterness.

5. Find a Mentor

It’s incredibly difficult to make progress in a vacuum. Finding a mentor is essential if you desire more from your riding, your personal development, or really any other area of your life.

An outside perspective provides unbeatable value when you long for lasting and meaningful improvement.

Prior to starting dressage lessons 5 years ago (and coming from a strictly western background), posting the trot was a foreign concept. Mastering even this very basic technique felt nearly impossible.

Today I am able to not only post the trot but have made huge strides in achieving throughness and collection across all 3 gaits. I have become a much more confident and able rider under the guidance of an experienced trainer.

There’s absolutely no way I would be where I am today if I hadn’t found a mentor.

6. Motivation Comes from Doing

There’s a common misperception out there about motivation. Many people think motivation is the very first step toward achieving greatness.

I disagree.

No matter how passionate you are about something, I guarantee there will be days when you won’t feel like putting in the work. There will be days when you don’t feel like saddling up, hitting the gym, or writing.

Motivation in and of itself only takes you so far and is typically highest at the beginning of your journey. But then a shift happens and you must rely on something else to drive you toward those goals.

At that point, motivation only comes after you’ve put in the daily work.

Doing the work then becomes the thing which motivates you.

Dig deep into your why and saddle up even when you can list 10 different excuses as to why you should skip today’s ride. It’s the small, daily actions which eventually add up to spectacular results.

Check out this post for tips on staying motivated.

7. Life Lessons from Horses Involve Never Giving Up

I’m not going to lie. In those moments after Ike’s death, I seriously contemplated getting out of horses altogether. Losing him so quickly after waiting 5 years to find an equine partner seemed like a sign.

A sign that maybe horses weren’t my path. That maybe I should give up, go home, and just forget about the whole thing.

Except it’s nearly impossible to give up something you’ve thought about every single day of your life.

My earliest memories include horses and even to this day, they are a constant presence in my best and brightest daydreams. Even away from the barn, I am always mentally processing my latest lesson and figuring out how I can do something better next time.

Walking away at this point means giving in to the sadness and letting negativity engulf me. It means completely eliminating something which has brought so much joy and fulfillment to my life. It’s not the legacy that Ike deserves to leave.

And although his life ended far too soon, he was truly loved and that’s really the best a horse can ever hope for.

The silver lining in all of this is that his death has given me the opportunity for reflection and has proven my gratitude for life lessons from horses.

Horses are my passion and I would feel completely lost without them in my life.

If you are going through a similar loss, I hope this article has inspired you to find your own life lessons from horses. I pray that you can take comfort in knowing that your horse was also deeply loved and that the memories will forever live on.

How to Transform Fear into Courage

How to Transform Fear into Courage

“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”

— Theodore Roosevelt

When was the last time you were scared to do something? Were you able to turn fear into courage or did the fear overwhelm you, preventing action and keeping you stuck?

The definition of courage would have you believe that courage is facing some type of challenge without fear but my experience is that one cannot exist without the other. Fear and courage are two sides of the same coin.

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Understanding Fear and Courage

Step one of transforming your fear into courage is understanding the relationship between the two. And although there are a variety of theories on fear and courage out there, the one which rings most true to me is by Stanley Rachman.

His book Fear and Courage outlines courage as being the ability to overcome a challenge despite the presence of fear. In other words, courage can’t exist without the presence of fear.

Think about it for a minute. What do you consider your most courageous feat in life thus far? Could those feats be considered your most courageous because of how much fear was involved?

In my own life, there have been two feats I consider my most courageous. The first is my college senior recital and the second is finishing graduate school.

Senior Recital

This post describes my decision to pursue a fine arts degree in music despite significant struggles with performance anxiety. As you can imagine, the study of music requires frequent performances for both small and large audiences.

For me, performance anxiety meant sweaty, shaky hands and nausea. I would start imagining the worst case scenario which typically involved making a gigantic mistake and being laughed off stage. A close second was fear of throwing up on stage in front of everyone.

And to make matters worse, my instrument of choice is piano which has a long tradition of performing solo repertoire without music. No music as in completely memorized. Nothing in front of you to help get back in track if you lose your spot.

Although I loved the instrument, I lived in constant dread of each and every upcoming performance.

But I dreaded none of the other performances as much as my senior recital. In music programs, the senior recital is a capstone project or a final display of all you have learned throughout your degree.

It’s typically at least 30 minutes of solo music prepared by the student.

A terrifying proposition for someone with significant performance anxiety. In the months leading up to my recital, fear dominated my thoughts. All I could think about was my upcoming performance and the many ways I could humiliate myself.

The fear was overwhelming.

Finally, the day of my recital came. It was a cold day in early December with all forecasts calling for significant snowfall. And snow it did!

I remember walking across campus in my long dress and winter boots, slipping and sliding on the snow-covered sidewalks which hadn’t yet been plowed.

And I also remember the terror growing by the second as the clock inched towards show time.

In that moment, part of me thought about faking an illness, giving in to fear, and heading back home. But the other part of me knew that I would forever regret throwing away the opportunity to be courageous in the face of intense fear.

And when the clock struck 2, I walked onstage. The old familiar sweaty hands and nausea returned as did the intense fear of messing up. But in the midst of it all was a strange sense of calm in the knowledge that this would all be over very soon. This was the moment of transformation from fear into courage.

You may also enjoy reading this post about how to learn piano as an adult.

Graduate School

My career path has been a long and winding road. Although I started with aspirations to teach piano full-time, life’s curveballs sent me down a completely different path.

Shortly after finishing my fine arts degree, I went back for a two year nursing degree. I had a baby, got divorced, married again, had another baby, and finished up my baccalaureate degree in nursing. It was at this point that I set my sights on a graduate degree in nursing.

I remember mailing in my application to the program and being confident that I could tackle this. My grades had always been good so I knew that academically I could do it. Although I was working full-time, my employer was understanding and flexible. I had two kids but as I shared custody with my ex-husband, really only had one on a full-time basis. This program would be a piece of cake.

Ready for the curveball?

Not even a month after mailing the application, the test was positive. We were expecting baby #3.

And suddenly the confidence I had in being able to complete the program plummeted. Two kids plus an infant, grad school, and work seemed utterly impossible! Almost immediately, a sense of fear and overwhelm took over.

Fear haunted me throughout the program. This time around fear revolved around not finishing the program or failing out. It didn’t present in the same dramatic way it had during my music degree but was rather a constant dull ache in the pit of my stomach.

Despite the constant presence of fear, I somehow inched through the program, eventually emerging triumphant on graduation day.

Transforming Fear into Courage

Whether fear surrounds a specific event in your life or whether it’s generalized, courage can’t exist without its presence. We need fear in order to show up courageously. And the greater the fear, the more courage is required to overcome it.

Whether you’re considering a career change, launching a new venture, or going after a hobby you’ve sidelined for a few years, fear can quickly extinguish the flame before it even ignites. It all starts with an idea to try something entirely new and different which suddenly pops into your head one day and you decide to entertain it for a few minutes. Excitement courses through and your mind races with possibility. The “what-ifs” are positive and exhilarating!

But then the “what-ifs” take a different turn. “What if this doesn’t work?” “Will I look stupid?” “What if I fail?” Suddenly, fear takes over and what seemed entirely possible one minute is utterly impossible the next. Your mind races with negativity. All the reasons why it not only couldn’t but WOULDN’T work. And all of a sudden, you freeze with fear.

I have been in this place so many times. The place where even if the idea is positive and will push me in a fantastic new direction, I shut down and overwhelm takes over. Fear crowds out everything and the clear choice seems to be giving in.

Did you catch that? The clear “choice” implying you have a decision among several options. Fear doesn’t control you … you can flip the coin and instead choose courage. It only seems as if fear is the singular option but this is actually an illusion because courage is always there. The hidden path among the overgrown weeds. The lesser chosen option due to obscurity.

Fact vs. Fiction

One of the funny things about fear is that in many cases, we are our own worst enemies. Our mind takes a turn for the negative and begins fabricating all kinds of stories about why something won’t work. We convince ourselves that it’s impossible and then immediately begin looking for evidence to support this outcome.

Throughout my grad program, I had convinced myself that there was no way I would make it through. After a while, even the tiniest inconvenience became a gigantic roadblock which would undoubtedly derail my progress. I had myself so convinced I wouldn’t succeed that the only evidence I took into consideration was the negative.

And do you know what? 99% of my fear was completely made up and not based on any reality. It was a figment of my imagination.

When transforming fear into courage, stop paying attention to the negative. Look for the positive and ground yourself in reality.

Start asking whether what you fear is actually happening or whether your mind is playing games with you. Challenge the negative thoughts and begin actively looking for the positive.

You may also enjoy reading this post about how to achieve a positive mindset.

Embrace Fear

In many cases, our fear of fear is worse than the fear itself. We do everything possible to avoid feeling fear and in so doing, make our situation even worse.

I routinely considered switching majors to avoid performance situations required in the music degree. But I love music and knew that if I switched out, I would forever live with the regret of not trying. And although music does not provide a steady income stream at this point, I will always look back on the degree with pride and accomplishment.

We have to learn to not only live with but to also embrace fear. It is a normal part of our lives and everyone experiences this emotion at one time or another.

And in certain situations, fear may actually save our lives. Fear can be a mechanism of protection or warning that something is wrong.

It can also be our subconscious trying to protect us from something which doesn’t even exist. Remember all that stuff about our tendency to dwell on worst case scenarios even when there’s no fact behind it? Our subconscious can’t tell the difference between true and false. In other words, if you are consistently focusing on the negative, your subconscious thinks it’s reality.

Fear is the immediate response because your subconscious is trying to protect you by keeping you away from danger.

But in most cases, fear is only serving to hold you back from trying something new or accomplishing your goals. Fear leads directly to self-sabotage when you try to avoid it rather than face it.

And even though fear is scary, you have a secret weapon.

Choice Turns Fear into Courage

The secret weapon is choice. Every time you choose courage, you get stronger and the fear gets just a bit less scary. One courageous choice leads to another and another and another and pretty soon, courage is the only option.

Your consistent choice to turn fear into courage makes you stronger.

Choose courage over fear because at the end of the day, there’s very little we have control over in this life. We can’t control the weather, other people, or even the stability of our jobs.

But we can control our own actions. We can choose to live in the shadows of fear, constantly stewing over any and all possible negative outcomes. Or we can choose to step into the light, be courageous, and become a stronger person for it.

Choose courage.

It’s Your Turn

The next time you find yourself staring down a fear-provoking situation, carefully weigh out your options but use fear as a compass to instead find your inner courage. Embrace fear and take time to sort through where the fear comes from. And then make the choice to refuse to allow fear to control your life and prevent personal growth. Embrace courage and hang on tight because big changes are headed your way!

And if you’re looking for a little extra inspiration, check out one of my favorite reads!

Leave a comment below about the last time you chose courage over fear and the impact it had on your life!