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5 Ways You Can Conquer Self-Doubt

5 Ways You Can Conquer Self-Doubt

“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”

Sylvia Plath

Self-doubt is sneaky. It swoops in, stealing your confidence, your productivity, and most of all, your self-esteem.

There are many ways in which self-doubt can show up in your life. You may have vague feelings that you aren’t good enough or that you can’t handle what life throws at you. Or you may have overwhelming feelings of defeat regardless of the goal you are seeking to accomplish.

Self-doubt shows up in my own life as a place of inactivity. It leaves me constantly questioning whether or not to move forward with new ideas and keeps me stuck where I’m at. This negative mindset tends to feed into my perfectionist tendencies and keeps me stuck in the procrastination zone.

I have allowed self-doubt to creep in so many times. Sometimes I wonder how much farther along I would be in certain areas of my life if only I had refused to let self-doubt take over.

But we can’t spend our lives looking in the rearview mirror. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and resolve to do better tomorrow.

There are many reasons why we struggle with self-doubt. We may be carrying false beliefs from childhood. Or maybe we have had failed experiences in the past causing us to lose confidence in ourselves. After all, we failed once. What’s stopping us from failing again?

Whatever the cause, self-doubt holds us back from our full potential.

After realizing just how much self-doubt was preventing my own growth, I devoted time and research into figuring out how to overcome it. Although there are still times when I give in, my awareness of its effects has increased. Self-doubt is therefore much easier to spot early on which means I can quickly deploy tactics to divert it in its tracks.

1. Conquer Self-Doubt Through Awareness

“Being self-aware is not the absence of mistakes, but the ability to learn and correct them.”

Daniel Chidiac

As with many things in life, awareness is the very first step. It’s tough to fix something if you’re completely unaware it’s an issue.

But how do you know whether self-doubt is what’s holding you back?

Your self talk often holds the answer to this question. During moments of fear, doubt, and overwhelm, do you find yourself thinking any of the following questions?

  • “I’m not good enough to do this.”
  • “I just can’t do it.”
  • “This is too hard.”
  • “I don’t know how to move forward and even if I did, I would probably fail.”
  • “I’ll never be able to accomplish that.”

If the above comments sound familiar, chances are good that you are struggling with self-doubt. Recognition is powerful. It’s the key to changing this negative mindset.

Because the truth is, you can accomplish things. Big things. Hard things. Seemingly impossible things.

“Whether you think you can, or think you can’t … you’re right.”

Henry Ford

But first your mind has to be in the right place. And being frozen by self-doubt is decidedly NOT the right place.

Practice identifying the subtle negativity hidden in your own self talk. If you are feeling overwhelmed by self-doubt, stop and ask yourself whether you would say these things aloud to someone else.

Chances are good that you wouldn’t. And if you wouldn’t say them to someone else, don’t say them to yourself either.

Stop self-doubt in its tracks by putting a name to it and refusing to feed into the negativity.

Take a vow to stop getting in your own way!

You may also enjoy reading this post about achieving a positive mindset.

2. Get Back to the Basics

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”

Lucille Ball

Banishing self-doubt requires confidence in yourself. It requires confidence in your decisions, abilities, and in who you are as a person. And there’s no better way to start than by showing yourself some much-deserved love.

Taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually is crucial. You can’t build a house without a solid foundation and basic self-care practices form the foundation of success.

Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep are all requirements for success. Without these pillars, it’s almost impossible to move forward.

Although there have been times in my life when I have struggled with all three, sleep deprivation has by far been the most personally troublesome. Whether the lack of sleep was related to new babies or stress, those were some of the most challenging times in my life. Sleep deprivation robbed me of my motivation and hung over my life like a haze.

I can still remember walking around like I was auditioning for the part of a zombie extra in The Walking Dead. Waking up utterly exhausted day after day actually caused me to wonder whether I had some type of sleep disorder.

It was during this time in my life that my self-doubt was at an all time high.

I questioned everything. Each and every seemingly insignificant decision became a matter of life or death. From second guessing dinner plans to what I had chosen to wear for work that morning, everything became a big deal. I was constantly doubting myself.

Although I was eventually able to get my sleep back on track, it was a long road to where I’m at now. The road back did start with sleep testing, a story you can find here. It continued with learning everything possible about how to better manage my sleep patterns.

Even today, I am fiercely protective of my sleep because I know what happens when I don’t get enough. And I never want to be in that place again.

Although sleep is my weakness, you may find that self-doubt creeps into your own life when your diet is off. Or when you stop exercising. You may even find that when you stop taking time to pursue meaningful activities, self-doubt sets up a stronghold.

Take some time today to make sure the basics are present in your life. And if they aren’t, what can you change to make things better?

3. Remember Past Success

“Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome.”

Unknown

Our mind plays so many tricks on us. If we listen to the negativity, we are suddenly convinced that we are the only ones in the world struggling. No one else could possibly be going what we’re going through.

And nothing we’ve done has been as difficult as whatever hurdle we’re facing. This is by far the toughest thing we’ve ever encountered. And there’s no way we can overcome it because nothing we’ve done has ever prepared us for this.

But is that actually true?

NO!

It’s a lie fabricated by your subconscious to protect you from the unknown. Our brains are wired to keep us safe. By sticking to what we know, we are lulled into a false sense of security.

But this is absolutely not the case!

It’s in these moments that we tend to forget all our truly amazing accomplishments! The things that you once thought were truly impossible but yet somehow attained.

Moments of self-doubt are the perfect time to recall all of those incredible feats. You have, in fact, done hard things. Very hard things. Even in those times when you did not do what you set out to, you learned. As long as you were able to take something away from the experience, consider it a win.

Write down the actions which have brought pride. Keeping track of your accomplishments and learning experiences will give you a bank to draw from when self-doubt tries to halt your progress.

You’ve done plenty of hard things in the past. And you’re definitely up for the challenge of tackling more in the future!

You may also enjoy reading this post about identifying your strengths.

4. Be You

“To be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

E. E. Cummings

You are unique. There’s no one in this world quite like you. And the world needs your exclusive blend of personality, interests, and talents! The authentic you, imperfections and all.

No one needs some watered down version of who you truly are. We need the real you!

And guess what? You’ll never be anyone else so you might as well be the absolute best version of yourself!

You may be wondering what any of this has to do with self-doubt. I know it may seem off topic but it actually has everything to do with this negative mindset trap.

Just as self-doubt has a greater chance of sneaking in when you’re not paying attention to your health and wellness, so too does it creep in when you’re paying too much attention to other people.

Self-doubt often occurs in relation to other people. Situations in which we either compare ourselves to others or situations in which we are too absorbed in what others think of us.

Either situation quickly fans the flames of self-doubt, causing it to rage out of control.

The truth is that you are you. You can never be anyone else. Comparing yourself to anyone other than who you were in the past is a waste of precious time and energy.

People tend to show us their best sides. Their sunny sides. We typically don’t see the storms or secret battles they wage within. There’s no way of knowing just how much they’ve had to wade through to get where they are today.

So stop the comparison trap. You’ll be happier for it!

And stop worrying about what other people think. It’s impossible to simultaneously please everyone in your life. So please the person who actually matters and who you have full control over … you.

Be you!

5. Conquer Self-Doubt by Taking Action

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

Dale Carnegie

Self-doubt thrives in small, dark places. It looks for each and every tiny insecurity you have about yourself and grows it from a seedling of doubt into a gigantic, tangling jungle of negativity. After awhile, the jungle of self-doubt chokes out your confidence and so deeply entwines you in its tangles that it’s nearly impossible to overcome.

Self-doubt, if allowed to grow, keeps you stuck where you’re at. And stuck feels safe. Staying where we’re at is familiar. Our subconscious loves familiar because it knows exactly what to expect. There are no surprises. No possible hidden threats.

Except that one big, hairy gigantic threat. The threat of you believing the lies stemming from your own insecurities.

But how do you overcome the tangled jungle of self-doubt?

You take action.

It starts with the smallest possible step. Once you tackle the first step, move on to the second. And so on and so forth.

With each step, your confidence grows. Every step is an opportunity to chop away at that tangled mess just a little bit more.

But the longer you stay stuck in your head, endlessly pondering worst-case scenarios, the tougher it will be to take a step forward. Stop ruminating! Take action! Messy, imperfect, forward, and enthusiastic action.

You may enjoy reading this post about living with intention.

It’s Your Turn

Overcoming self-doubt is far from easy. It requires consistency and the desire to overcome a negative mindset which is holding you back from your full potential.

If you are feeling overwhelmed and uncertain on a consistent basis, it may be time to seek medical care. You may have an underlying condition contributing to your mindset and would benefit from accurate treatment. Getting help just might be the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself!

And talk with someone you trust about what you’re going through. They may be able to give you insight into the mental blocks holding you back. Chances are, they can actually help you dispel some of that negativity and move you toward taking action.

I hope you have found a few helpful tips on your journey toward conquering self-doubt! Don’t forget to comment below about what you found useful and where self-doubt is showing up in your life.

Now get out there and take action today!

Are You Ready to Improve Your Piano Playing?

Are You Ready to Improve Your Piano Playing?

When was the last time you played something really well? So well that you not only nailed the fingerings and dynamics but were also able to bring a level of artistic emotional expression unlike any previous performances? Maybe the more important question is what are you doing to improve your piano playing?

My favorite feeling in the world is learning the technical elements of a piece to the point where I’m free to artistically express myself through the music. As with many things in life, learning to play the piano well is a little bit of art and a little bit of science.

And a whole lot of practice!

I’m constantly looking for tips and tricks on becoming a better pianist. Whether it’s technique, tools in the practice room, or even total body wellness advice, every little bit helps. After all, we didn’t start playing the piano to stay stuck where we’re at. No one wants to keep playing the same piece over and over and over.

We started playing so we could improve our skills and play tougher and tougher pieces. Regardless of the level you’re at, these tips will improve your piano playing!

Disclosure: Please keep in mind that some of the links in this post are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase I will earn a commission. I link to these companies and their products because of their quality and not because of the commission I receive from your purchases. The decision is yours. Please read my disclosures for more information.

1. Improve Your Piano Playing by Practicing Consistently

This one almost speaks for itself but there is no improvement if there is no practice. It’s easy to say but sometimes tough to put into practice.

After high school, I pursued a fine arts degree studying piano in college. Although I had played piano since the age of 7, I had never developed solid practice habits.

Once I entered college, I was expected to learn a certain number of pieces each semester. And I struggled because of my terrible practice habits as the only consistency was the inconsistency.

There were weeks when I would practice on a daily basis. On other weeks, I would go several days without practicing at all. And then became extremely disappointed when I had a lesson full of wrong notes and expressionless playing. I slowly became convinced that I was simply not talented enough.

But the truth is that effort trumps talent every time.

The key is figuring out how to incorporate the required effort into your daily routine. Not an easy feat when you’re a busy adult with a multitude of reponsibilities and obligations!

Despite being married, working full-time, and having 3 kids, my practice is now more consistent than ever. It’s somewhat ironic that my practice consistency improves at a point in my life when I have the least time to play piano.

Do you want to know my secret?

A few years ago, I discovered an app. This app was designed by musicians for musicians to maximize practice sessions. It tracks your practice sessions and has a built in metronome and timer. The feature which has been most useful in improving my consistency however is the daily tracker. It keeps track of how many days in a row you’ve practiced and seeing another day added after each daily session is incredibly motivating!

My current practice streak is 270 days without missing a session. And let me just say that on those days when I don’t feel like practicing, the thought of starting the streak all over again is worse than putting in even a few minutes at the keyboard.

This app also has another useful feature relevant to the next tip to improve your piano playing.

You may also enjoy reading this post about maximizing your piano practice.

2. Improve Your Piano Playing with Goals

Back in the day, I had no idea what I should be doing when I practiced. I was under the false assumption that if I repeated something enough times, it would spontaneously improve.

Wrong!

Mindless repetition is the fastest way to wrong notes, technical errors, and shaky (at best!) memorization.

Mindful, goal-oriented practice is essential if your goal is to improve your piano playing!

This is an area I continue to work on because I spent so many years mindlessly repeating without analyzing what I was playing. I still find myself falling back into the old trap of sitting down to practice without any type of plan for what I’m going to work on.

And in many cases, those are the practice sessions when I feel the least inspired. Those are the sessions I look back on as wasted time because how can you make progress if you have no idea what you’re working toward?

You need a plan for each and every practice session!

And this is where the app comes back in.

This magical app allows you to enter goals and then rate your progress toward achieving them. It then keeps track of all your goals and tallies them as you go along. On those days when you’re lacking motivation, you can look back at all you’ve accomplished and move forward with renewed energy!

The app even has suggestions for areas to work on in case you’re at a loss for where to even start with setting goals.

This app is phenomenal and I can’t recommend it more highly when you are trying to improve your piano playing!

Check it out here.

3. Improve your Piano Playing with Online Resources

Back in the dark ages of my college years, there were very few online resources to supplement my learning. Or at least none that I found to be both reputable and beneficial.

And so I turned to books for inspiration and guidance on becoming a more well-rounded pianist. I did find several great writings which improved various aspects of my playing.

But books have their limitations. Especially when you are learning a physical skill and are not simply seeking knowledge on a topic. The transfer of information from your brain to your fingers can be tricky, especially when you have no way to observe someone doing what you are attempting.

Although I continued to read various books and do recommend it as one method to improve your piano playing, it has its barriers.

And then one day about a year ago, I was listening to a podcast. It was an interview with Dr. Josh Wright, a renowned pianist who has also obtained a Doctor of Musical Arts degree and is passionate about teaching students of various levels. I learned that he had a YouTube channel dedicated to piano teaching videos so I decided to check it out.

And what I found was exceptionally helpful! His videos address technical challenges, practice strategies, and even performance issues for a wide range of learners.

I began following his channel and immediately recognized transformation in my own playing. Subtle tips and tricks here and there pushed me to greater heights in my own abilities. He even addresses performance anxiety, an area where I have always struggled, in such a unique and interesting way that it’s nearly impossible to not see improvement after watching it. I began to embrace performance as an opportunity to enjoy sharing my passion with others instead of mentally framing it as something to fear.

His videos also encouraged me to take a hard look at my practice habits and routines. He inspired me to continue learning and improving!

You may also enjoy reading this post about the benefits of learning piano as an adult.

4. Improve your Piano Playing with Expert Guidance

Prior to stumbling upon Dr. Wright’s work, I had been somewhat at a loss as to how to further my piano skills as an adult. Classical piano has always been my passion however many of these pieces are technically demanding and require some degree of guidance.

I now look back at my weekly piano lessons in college with my instructor who had obtained a DMA with regret as I definitely did not make the most of them. Looking back, there is so much more I would love to have conquered in those days. Back in the days when I had all the time in the world. Today I’m lucky if I can squeeze a quick 20 minutes of practice in, much less find the time to attend lessons!

Over the past few years, I have taken lessons occasionally from faculty at local colleges. One faculty member teaches an hour away and to study with him requires an approximate 3 hour time commitment including drive time. And if I want time to warm-up prior to the lesson, it requires even more of a time commitment. It’s simply not always feasible to carve out that kind of time from my weekly schedule.

Yes, studying with a teacher is absolutely ideal for so many reasons. It’s tough to beat one-on-one feedback when you are trying to improve your piano playing.

A teacher can also inspire and motivate you to make more progress than you would independently. Not to mention the fact that many of us make more improvements when we have accountability from someone else.

But trying to locate someone with an advanced degree in the field can be challenging. Trying to locate someone with openings is doubly challenging.

And so I began searching for ways to gain knowledge from a piano expert without having to sacrifice gigantic chunks of time to do so. It took a bit of time to figure it out but I finally discovered a way to learn all the tips, tricks, and secrets of the expert pianists at my convenience.

I discovered Dr. Wright’s ProPractice course.

5. Improve your Piano Playing with this Secret Weapon

The ProPractice course solved both my need to gain expert advice and to conserve my time. It gave me a way to pick and choose what I wanted to work on when I wanted to work on it.

The course is designed to take you from beginner through expert via a series of videos. And obviously a lot of practice as you can only get out of it what you put into it!

The videos are divided out by stage (beginner, intermediate, advanced) so you can choose where you’d like to focus your time based upon your current level. I have even found value in watching the beginner videos as there is great emphasis on the fundamentals of playing, aspects which are crucial when playing at the more advanced levels.

Dr. Wright tackles common roadblocks to making progress in your playing at each of the levels and does so with such encouragement that he truly inspires you to keep going.

His clear explanations and down-to-earth conversive style throughout the videos makes his talents as not only an outstanding performer but also gifted educator abundantly clear. Not every “expert” is a competent educator but he is a delightfully unique combination of both.

In my opinion, the ProPractice course is a powerful secret weapon which will greatly improve your piano playing! It is an especially relevant option during a time when social distancing is encouraged.

It’s Your Turn

Whether you are a beginner, have been playing awhile, or have performed the 2nd Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto, I hope you have found something useful in your quest to improve your piano playing. Sometimes all it takes to move forward is a reminder of the basics and where you started in the first place.

And a little encouragement never hurt anyone either!

If it’s practice you’re struggling with, check out the app here. It will revolutionize how you approach your next practice session!

And if you’re ready to dive into some great free online resources, don’t forget to subscribe to Dr. Wright’s YouTube channel.

If you’re curious about the ProPractice course, check out this video he put out during the COVID-19 pandemic where he discusses how to get access to a sample of the course. This course is such an incredible resource to improve your piano playing regardless of your current level so it is definitely worth your time to take a look!

As always, please drop a comment below on what you have found most valuable about this post. Where are you currently struggling to improve your piano playing? What are your current piano goals?

Quarantine Truths: What I’ve Learned So Far

Quarantine Truths: What I’ve Learned So Far

Quarantine … like it or not, it’s been here for awhile now.

It’s hard to say exactly how long it will be around but here in Wisconsin, we’re bracing for at least another month.

I’m doing my very best to stay positive and to continue learning and growing through the chaos.

And do you know what?

I don’t absolutely hate quarantine.

But I do hate bats.

I can handle basically any other creepy, crawly critter out there.

Snakes?

I once killed one with a shovel.

Mice?

I don’t like them but they’re not the worst thing in the world.

And spiders?

I’ve probably killed every single one I’ve ever met.

Bats on the other hand … WORST. CREATURES. EVER.

You may be asking yourself why I’m starting a post on what I’ve learned during quarantine with a rant about bats.

The answer is that I was reading an article about COVID-19 in a medical journal the other day and it is believed to have originated in bats.

Our world is a chaotic place right now, all thanks to a disgusting bat.

And did you know that bats carry rabies?

This is a fact I’ve known since the age of 5 and is probably the reason why I’ve always despised them.

It’s a fact my husband has frequently argued with me as he mistakenly believes rats carry rabies.

I laugh every time he tries to argue the point with me.

He’s obviously got this one incredibly wrong.

He even taped a news segment one time about rabies transmission and triumphantly announced that it featured rats.

Except when we pushed play, the news segment was actually about bats.

Boom.

I win again.

Marriage, like an episode of Whose Line is it Anyway, is the place where everything is made up and the points don’t matter.

Much like our world right now.

You may enjoy reading this article about rekindling the romance in your relationship.

My Work Life

Quarantine has changed the way we live.

My husband and I are both considered essential employees and as such are still going to work every morning.

Just like before.

As a nurse practitioner who sees patients in the nursing home, my position involves working with one of the populations most vulnerable to COVID-19.

My husband’s position as a nursing home administrator also places him squarely in the center of hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

Those of us who work in this setting are doing our very best to make decisions which are in the best interest of the population we care for.

But this is not an easy task in the midst of such an unprecedented event.

The rules are changing rapidly.

Sometimes even on an hourly basis.

Quarantine = Change

And the truth is that no one really knows with 100% certainty what should be done right now.

Although I am new to the position of nurse practitioner, I was a nurse for 9 years prior to graduating with a doctor of nursing practice degree.

In terms of practice area and personality, there are many different types of nurses out there.

But I am the type of nurse who thrives on organization and structure.

I appreciate consistency and clear guidelines.

Unfortunately, there is no such thing right now.

Everyone is in survival mode.

Every morning when I walk into work, the only thing I’m certain of is that there will be some type of change.

Sometimes these changes are big, such as when nursing homes made the very difficult decision to prevent viral spread by prohibiting visitors.

I had honestly never considered a world where families couldn’t visit their loved ones.

And having had a multi-week hospitalization during my last pregnancy, I can tell you how much those face-to-face visits meant to me.

But I do know that the decision to lock down facilities was not made lightly.

On other days I walk in to small changes.

Fewer people to see on a daily basis because hospitals are limiting elective procedures and there are fewer people sent for rehabilitation in the nursing home.

The need to wear masks all day long.

And having my temperature taken upon entry to the building every single morning.

Change is tough!

Especially when uncertainty hangs in the air like a thick, black cloud.

Despite the rapid pace at which these changes are made, I’m surviving.

I’m learning that I can survive, no matter what.

Quarantine Means New Opportunities

Each day brings a new opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and to become a stronger person for it.

And guess what?

You too are surviving massive change.

The world is a different place right now but it’s not all bad.

Pollution over major cities has decreased dramatically.

We are spending more time with our families.

Embrace this time we’ve been given.

If you, like me, are that person who loves structure and organization, now is the best time to practice adapting to change.

Because if you can make it through this with even half your sanity, you truly can make it through anything!

You may also enjoy reading this article about finding peace despite chaos.

My Home Life

Quarantine has impacted my work life in big and small ways but has definitely not spared my home life either.

Two of my three kiddos were in school and the third was happily thriving in daycare prior to the ensuing chaos.

Unfortunately my daycare closed at the exact same time school closed.

Thankfully we have been able to find several awesome sitters to watch our kiddos while we truck off to work each morning.

I couldn’t be more thankful for these wonderful sitters who bring structure and creativity to my kids.

Because my husband and I have no energy left at the end of the day to engage them in any type of project, creative or otherwise.

My social media feeds are filled with pictures of kids actively engaged in learning at home.

I am not that mom.

Household Homeschooling Coordinator

My aspirations have NEVER included homeschooling.

And I have zero confidence this will change at any point in the near future.

Unfortunately, yesterday we officially received word that schools (in Wisconsin anyway) would not open back up for the remainder of the school year.

Bummer.

Up until now, I had been coasting by on the thought that in all probability, schools would be back in session at some point this year.

Surely my kids would not have to depend upon my half-hearted efforts to replicate a lesson plan which resembles those of their talented teachers.

Teachers who have spent considerable time, energy, and effort to hone their craft.

Dedicated men and women who actually enjoy and excel at engaging kids in learning.

Have I mentioned how much appreciation and respect I have for teachers?

I recognize how tough but important their job is and feel ill-prepared to assume anything which resembles teaching.

I’ve been engaging my kids in activities only deemed educational through a very large stretch of the imagination.

Example …

The other night, the moon was huge.

I thought it would be the perfect opportunity for a science lesson.

Because anything involving the moon is science, right?

So I called my kindergartener over and pointed it out.

It took a minute but he finally spotted the gigantic moon through the neighbor’s tree.

He gazed at it for a bit before he asked if he was bigger than the moon.

My obviously very intelligent response (sarcasm) was that the moon was much, much bigger than him.

I’m not sure whether he accepted my answer or not but he shrugged his shoulders and headed off to bed.

As he walked away, I had a moment of guilt and defeat.

“I should have planned out some type of fun learning activity for him instead of letting him sit in front of the TV tonight. Why am I failing at this?”

Parenting Through Quarantine

But the truth is that we can’t do and be everything to everyone.

We have all been given certain talents, time, and energy.

And we have to make the most out of what we’ve been given.

Living in a place of guilt and defeat is not the best we can do.

Figuring out how to use our strengths to the best of our ability is the place we need to strive for.

So what does this mean for my newly appointed status as household homeschooling coordinator?

I am striving to intentionally interact with my kids in ways which also stimulate their minds.

This may be as simple as reading books with them or including them in the preparation of meals.

Going for walks and throwing out math problems are also included.

I am trying to make everyday activities more educational but also giving myself grace to just enjoy my time with them.

If you too are freaked out by the pressure to assume the household homeschool coordinator role, dial down the pressure.

Your kids will be fine, even if school doesn’t start up again until next fall or later.

Do the best you can to be present with them and don’t worry about the rest!

Let’s take this opportunity to support ourselves and do what works for our families.

You may also enjoy reading this article about overcoming mom guilt.

It’s Your Turn

Quarantine is the perfect opportunity to evaluate your own life.

What makes you happy?

Are there aspects of your life which are completely draining you emotionally?

Where are the areas you need change and adaptation to keep moving forward instead of remaining stuck?

How can you become more of the person you were meant to be?

And where do you need to give yourself grace?

Quarantine is a reset button for all of us.

Take this opportunity to celebrate areas of your life which are going well and to re-evaluate areas where change is needed.

Always remember that you’re stronger than you think you are.

You will make it through this a better person than you were before because with each day that passes, you’re only getting better!

Don’t forget to comment below on what you’ve learned since quarantine!

I’d love to hear the big and small changes quarantine is bringing out in your own life!

Imposter Syndrome Is Holding You Back

Imposter Syndrome Is Holding You Back

Imposter syndrome shows up in our lives in various ways.

It holds us back from reaching our full potential and is, unfortunately, incredibly insidious.

I have always remembered feeling as if I didn’t deserve the successes I’ve had in life.

As if somehow luck rather than skill has been responsible for where I am today.

Last year, for example, I graduated from a fairly intense 3-year doctor of nursing practice program.

Despite getting all A’s other than one A- (thank you first semester pathophysiology!) in graduate-level nursing classes, I was unable to shake the feeling that I wasn’t smart enough to succeed in this field.

As if I made it through by chance instead of by working hard.

And everyone around me was smarter and way more capable than I.

Graduation day!

Mysteriously Vague Feelings of Being an Imposter

I have always been a high-achiever with perfectionist tendencies and have trouble acknowledging my own success.

It’s tough to feel good about something when you live in constant fear that you will, at some point, be discovered as a fraud.

Or when your standards are so high that it’s not humanly possible to live up to them.

These feelings are tough to talk about with others out of fear that I truly will be discovered as a fraud.

Besides that, I had a hard time describing how I was feeling in a way which would make sense to anyone else.

Because by all regards, I was successful.

After graduating with a fine arts degree, I worked my way through an associate’s degree in nursing.

Then a baccalaureate degree before being accepted into the doctoral program.

All while working as a nurse.

And raising little ones.

My kiddos.

My feelings of being a fraud only solidified these feelings even more.

After all, successful people don’t feel this way.

They wake up every morning, live their awesomely successful lives, and revel in the lives they’ve created.

No doubt, no fear, just confidence and success.

All day, every day.

Imposter Syndrome is a Real Thing

And then one day not too long ago, I was listening to a podcast.

It was about something called “imposter syndrome” and it perfectly described the feelings I had been experiencing for so long now.

I was truly shocked to learn that there was an actual name for what I had been feeling.

Even more shocked to learn that imposter syndrome affects a wide range of people from all walks of life.

And that it is especially common among people who are, in fact, successful.

Hearing the podcast was life-changing for me.

I finally had a name for what I had been feeling.

And if I had a name for it, there was hope I could do something about it.

Hearing the podcast started me on a path of self-discovery.

What exactly is imposter syndrome?

And what causes it?

I started looking for answers.

Imposter Syndrome in High-Achieving Women

And found out that imposter syndrome was first observed by two female psychologists, Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes.

Their work with high-achieving women in the 1970s uncovered patterns of thinking which revolved around feelings of fraudulence.

Women with advanced degrees and professional recognition who also felt that luck, and not intelligence, had gotten them where they were today.

Their paper, published in 1978, outlines the collective experiences of over 150 women from diverse fields including nursing, medicine, and academia.

They discovered that although some of these women also had co-existing anxiety and depression, many had no mental health diagnoses.

Clance and Imes even discovered that imposter syndrome was not exclusive to women.

Differences Between Women and Men

Although imposter syndrome impacted men, it was to a significantly lesser degree.

To explain this phenomenon, the researchers turned to the work of another woman researcher, Kay Deaux.

Deaux’s work hypothesized that society plays a role in the differences in perceived ability between the sexes.

In her work published in the mid 1970s she describes that society is conditioned to have lower expectations of women.

Women therefore often have lower expectations of themselves.

And are then more likely to attribute their own success to luck rather than skill.

Men, on the other hand, are conditioned to go after success less cautiously than women.

And are then less likely to attribute success to anything other than their own ability.

The work of these three women was eye-opening for me.

It provides a possible explanation for the themes which run much deeper than I ever anticipated.

Mom Guilt

In my life, I often feel like I’m fighting a variety of battles that I don’t completely understand but am doing my best to overcome.

Mom guilt is one of them.

I’m constantly feeling pulled between work and home.

Always trying to check one more item off my daily to-do list, whether I’m at work or at home.

And never quite feeling like the end result is good enough.

Or even if the end result is great, that it was simply luck.

Could it be that mom guilt also has its roots in faulty societal expectations of women?

That on the one hand, women are expected to successfully raise a family while working.

And are also expected to stay in great shape, continue socializing, and maintain their own self-care.

But on the other hand, and in light of their status as women, are expected to perform poorly at all these things.

Are we simply set up for failure from the very beginning?

And I’m not sure about you, but I’ve never heard of dad guilt.

Is that even a thing?

You may also enjoy reading this post about the secret to life as a working mom.

A Tale of Two Families

Even beyond societal gender expectations lies family dynamics.

Clance and Imes identified two separate family dynamics which can be used to explain why imposter syndrome occurs.

Family Dynamic #1

The first involves a scenario in which a sibling has been designated as the “smart” one while the daughter herself becomes known as the charming one.

The daughter then comes to feel torn between the belief that she is really just a pretty face and the desire to prove herself as otherwise.

She begins working even harder to prove herself academically yet her family refuses to acknowledge her as such.

At that point, feelings of fradulence begin to emerge.

Doubt sinks in and she wonders whether the beliefs of her family are in fact true.

Family Dynamic #2

The second family dynamic in which imposter syndrome begins to creep in involves the daughter being viewed as perfect in every way.

Whether it’s academics, sports, or music, her skills are viewed by the family as second to none.

And not only are her skills exemplary but she doesn’t have to work hard to achieve any of it.

Everything comes easily to her.

This is the dynamic which is intimately familiar to me.

The point at which imposter syndrome began to creep in was when something actually didn’t come all that easily to me.

It was the point at which I actually had to struggle when I began to doubt my own family’s assessment of my talents.

Maybe I wasn’t as gifted as they believed me to be if everything didn’t come easily.

And maybe I’m simply fooling everyone with the success I’ve achieved thus far.

Natural talent only goes so far and there comes a point for everyone in which hard work is necessary to go further.

Regardless of which family dynamic was present during the formative years, imposter syndrome is a sneaky belief system which is tough to pinpoint until you become aware of its subtleties.

It’s a faulty thought process which holds you back from your true potential.

Now that we have a better understanding of imposter syndrome and how it starts, what can we do to change it?

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

As with many things in life, awareness is the first step.

Although it seems contrary to what you feel, talking about your feelings with others can discredit your fears.

Talking about your feelings aloud with someone else can help you identify how truly false imposter syndrome actually is.

As an example, if you studied for a test, there’s a greater probability that you passed due to preparation than by luck.

Unfortunately, we have learned to doubt ourselves and have an easier time believing luck and not preparation was responsible.

Getting an outside perspective can help ground you until you begin to change the negative thought patterns associated with imposter syndrome.

After all, in many cases, imposter syndrome is based on “feelings” and not on reality.

When you boil it down, imposter syndrome is a false interpretation of actual events.

Until you speak those feelings out loud, they will continue to have power over you.

And you will continue to misinterpret the true source of your own success.

Root Cause Analysis

Likewise, journaling can be extremely beneficial in something I call “root cause analysis.”

I can’t take credit for this concept as it is one which is attributed to the field of nursing, among others.

It essentially involves dissecting a situation to determine the true cause of an error or dysfunction.

As an example, root cause analysis is frequently utilized in the nursing home setting after someone falls.

The ultimate goal in this scenario is to prevent future falls.

But you can really only do that if you figure out what caused the fall in the first place.

Did the person slip because they were barefoot?

Was their drink out of their reach?

Or were they trying to get to the bathroom by themselves?

Once you figure out the root cause, you can theoretically prevent future falls of this nature.

The same process can be applied to anything you deem a “failure” in your own life.

Spend some time thinking about a particular situation which didn’t go according to plan.

Determine which factors contributed to a lack of success.

In many cases you will find that those factors were actually outside your own control.

And if they were out of your control, how could you possibly do anything about them?

Never Give Up … Never Surrender!

We simply have no control over so many aspects of life and need to stop continually beat ourselves up for them.

Conversely, it is equally important to record your successes as a reminder that you are smart and capable.

You are deserving of success.

And even in the face of setbacks, you are constantly learning and growing.

Do you want to know a secret?

No one really knows what they’re doing.

The most successful people in the world experience imposter syndrome from time to time.

It’s not as if you reach a certain level of success and suddenly know everything or are confident 100% of the time.

But the difference between success and failure is never giving up.

Successful people never let feelings of being an imposter hold them back from taking the next step.

They take feedback from each and every experience and instead of letting it defeat them, they learn and grow from it.

And become more confident the next time because of all they’ve overcome to get where they are today.

You may also enjoy reading this post about the secrets to success.

It’s Your Turn

I really wish that I had some type of magical secret to immediately and permanently overcoming imposter syndrome.

But I don’t.

All I have is the gift of awareness.

Because once you become aware of something, it forever remains a part of you.

Once you have the knowledge, you can take steps to change it!

Take this opportunity to analyze your feelings and determine where you can make positive changes.

You don’t have to live in constant fear that you will one day be discovered as a fraud.

Because you’re not.

You are so much more smart and capable than you give yourself credit for!

Now … go forth and be awesome!

Don’t forget to comment below on your big take-aways from this post!

Where are you struggling right now and how are you going to take steps forward?

Have You Seen These 8 Binge-Worthy Shows?

Have You Seen These 8 Binge-Worthy Shows?

As I write this, we are in the midst of an unprecedented health crisis, the likes of which we have never before seen.

Our lives have been impacted in so many unexpected ways.

I am doing my best to keep the faith but the world feels like a dark and heavy place right now.

Although I don’t always recommend zoning out in front of the television for hours on end, it has its place and time.

And with nowhere to go and nothing to do, what better time can there be to discover a new obsession?

But enough with the doom and gloom …. time to bring on my list of binge-worthy shows!

Each and every one is capable of distracting you from dwelling upon the ever growing list of terrible headlines greeting you each morning.

You may also enjoy reading this post about choosing peace over panic.

Enjoy and don’t forget to let me know what you think by commenting below!

1. Tiger King

After seeing nearly everyone I know posting about this one on social media, I had to join in on the obsession.

And I was NOT disappointed.

I mean, there are more than a few disappointing aspects of this show but its ability to keep me hooked was NOT one of them!

Tiger King can be described as True Crime meets Joe Dirt meets Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.

This show has an incredibly diverse and colorful cast of characters.

And I’m not just talking about the animals!

You will initially be left wondering how these people function in real life until you realize that they actually don’t.

And despite their crazy antics, the show brings forth incredibly important issues which deserve attention.

Thus my comment on the disappointing aspects.

I was horrified to learn about the widespread issue of exotic animal ownership in this country.

Prior to the show, I had no idea it is so prevalent in America.

Did you know that there are more big cats in captivity in this country than in the wild?

Incredibly disappointing.

Regardless of your personal thoughts on whether individuals should be allowed to own these animals, there are definite safety issues.

For both the animals themselves and for other humans.

I, for one, do not want to be mauled by an escaped tiger.

And seeing a tiger behind bars at some dilapidated “zoo” does not excite me either.

I am all for greater awareness of important issues and on this point, the show does not disappoint.

So … if you’re looking for big cats, felons, mullets, missing teeth, and shirtless, tattooed men missing teeth, tune in to this one.

You can find it on Netflix.

2. The Crown

Forbidden romance, sibling rivalries, national crises, and of course, politics.

Who knew that the British royal family was so fascinating?

Of all the binge-worthy shows on my list, this one is definitely the most elegantly crafted.

Claire Foy is outstanding in her portrayal of the young Queen Elizabeth II.

She brings relatability to the monarchy, a tough feat for anyone.

In episode after episode, she gracefully portrays the agonizing balance between family and duty.

And she does it with such grace and elegance that you have no choice but to consistently root for her.

I loved her so much in this role that I was dismayed to learn she would only appear in the first two seasons.

As the series is limited to 5 seasons and depicts the Queen throughout her life thus far, it makes sense they would need to replace the cast.

But I just wasn’t prepared to embrace a new Queen.

When the third season hit Netflix, I actually put off watching it.

And then one day, I dove back in.

I was immediately surprised to find myself drawn into Olivia Colman’s portrayal of the Queen.

She was equally relatable and added a layer of maturity to the character which only serves to pull you in even further.

And speaking of getting sucked into characters … Helena Bonham Carter is unforgettable as Princess Margaret.

Together Colman and Carter make season 3 a stunning continuation of the story started in the first two seasons.

If you haven’t yet seen it, add The Crown to your list of binge-worthy shows!

You can find it on Netflix.

3. Arrested Development

“I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it.”

“Watch out for bridges and hop-ons.”

“I’ve made a huge mistake.”

“There’s always money in the banana stand.”

Arrested Development is packed full of one-liners which I love subtly inserting into everyday conversations.

And with a host of hilariously outlandish characters, there are plenty to choose from!

I have been a huge fan of this show since it initially came out in 2003 and have watched each episode more times than I can count.

It is hands down my favorite comedy of all the binge-worthy shows on this list!

One of the best aspects of this show is that it gets funnier each time you watch it because you pick up on more of its sly humor every time.

And who couldn’t use a little extra humor right now?

The show itself portrays an incredibly dysfunctional family navigating daily life.

Each member of the Bluth family pursues their own selfish motives, blissfully unaware of the impact they have on the others.

All trying to live their best lives in the midst of chaos, rivalries, and hilarious escapades.

Except for Michael … the one son trying to keep every one together.

The only semi-rational one in the bunch who is clearly NOT living his best life.

Their all-star cast includes Jason Bateman, Portia de Rossi, Will Arnett, and David Cross, among many others.

Together, they weave intricate webs of subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle humor which earned the show several awards.

This one is sure to distract you from even the most pervasive of pandemics!

You can find it on Netflix.

4. 90 Day Fiance

This is one of those binge-worthy shows that you just can’t look away from.

Although TLC has done several spin-offs, it essentially portrays people who fall in love with someone from outside the U.S.

It’s reality TV at its finest.

Each season has its share of “normal” couples but also delves into total train wrecks.

I’m talking arrests, secret criminal records, and of course, undisclosed marriages.

Drama, drama, drama.

The show’s producers also do their best to dredge up drama among family members.

And it would seem that most family members of the American automatically assume the love interests are after a green card.

In many cases, this is blatantly obvious.

But there are other cases where love between the couples does appear genuine.

Part of the intrigue of this show is seeing where all the drama leads.

In many cases, it does lead to marriage.

But in others, the relationship ends in a fiery storm neatly captured on camera for you to watch in the comfort of your home.

Because there’s nowhere else for us to go right now.

So sit back, relax, and watch the drama unfold as you forget all about the virus taking over the world.

You can find it on Hulu.

5. Grace & Frankie

Grace is a tightly wound, highly successful businesswoman.

Frankie despises organization of any kind but does love a good cheese platter.

It would be tough to find two people more different than Grace and Frankie.

And yet, both are thrown into an incredibly unconventional situation when their husbands divorce the women to instead marry each other.

What follows are a series of unimaginably comedic adventures as both families adjust to the new normal.

This is one of those binge-worthy shows which is a breath of fresh air among so many others with impossibly stale plotlines.

I mean, does the world really need one more cop show?

Or medical drama?

I know it definitely does not need yet another court show.

Reality or otherwise.

But it does need a unique friendship between two people who couldn’t possibly be any more different.

Because don’t we all need the reminder that people are people and if we are to survive, we need each other?

Grace and Frankie is a beautiful reminder of the simple value of friendship.

You can find it on Netflix.

6. Santa Clarita Diet

Before I start on this one, I just have to put it out there that I’m not typically into blood, guts, or zombies.

Other than in my career as a nurse, I could really do without any of the above graphically portrayed on my screen.

And to be clear, I have never encountered a zombie throughout the entire course of my nursing career.

But for whatever reason, this show hooked me in from the very beginning.

Joel and Sheila are a normal couple working as real estate agents and just trying to make it through the day.

Somewhere along the way, life has become monotonous.

Predictable.

Mundane.

Boring.

And then one day something happens.

Sheila becomes violently ill and wakes up the next morning to find that life has now become anything but ordinary.

She has suddenly become undead.

But it’s not all dramatic as the show seamlessly balances zombie storylines with a healthy dose of comedy.

Timothy Olyphant, who plays a relatable and endearing Joel, does his best to be a supportive husband to his now undead wife.

And Sheila, played by Drew Barrymore, acknowledges Joel’s queasiness and tries her best to leave him out of her sprees.

Hilarity ensues.

If you’re looking for comedy with an edge, check out Santa Clarita Diet.

You can find it on Netflix.

7. Portlandia

If sketch comedy is your thing, Portlandia is the show for you!

In this one, Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein portray a wide variety of characters in and around Portland, Oregon.

And yes … there is a great deal of satire in this one.

Thanks to their comedic creativity and witty dialogue, each episode flies by, leaving you wanting more.

Although quirky, the characters they create are also oddly endearing.

I found myself wanting to book a stay at a bed & breakfast.

And with the sudden desire to explore an old bookstore.

Even wanting to try some trendy new restaurant.

Of course, all of those things are impossible right now so the next best thing is obviously watching it on television!

Portlandia definitely wins the award for most quirky among all my binge-worthy shows but do yourself a favor and check it out anyway.

You can find it on Netflix.

8. Documentary Now!

Ok, I lied.

The award for most quirky on this list of binge-worthy shows is actually a tie between Documentary Now! and Portlandia.

Oddly enough, Documentary Now! also features Fred Armisen who is joined by Bill Hader.

The pair have used their comedic genius to create a series which mocks documentaries.

My hands-down favorite episode is the very first of the series which is a spoof of an actual documentary entitled Grey Gardens.

Although I had previously been unaware of Grey Gardens, I was immediately drawn into the world created by Hader and Armisen in ‘Sandy Passage’.

And they, of course, nailed depictions of the mother and daughter duo featured in the actual documentary.

I know this because after watching ‘Sandy Passage’ I just had to check out Grey Gardens.

Comedy gold.

Hader and Armisen re-create a host of other documentaries which are sure to keep you entertained for hours.

They may even inspire you to check out the actual documentaries upon which these mockumentaries are based.

Since my list of binge-worthy shows started out with a somewhat serious documentary, I thought it only fitting to end it on a lighter note.

And who knows?

Tiger King may just end up on Documentary Now! before too long.

Seriously … how can it not???

You can find it on Netflix.

It’s Your Turn

And there you have it!

My list of 8 binge-worthy shows capable of getting you through even the most depressing of social isolation scenarios.

How many of them have you seen and which ones am I missing out on?

Don’t forget to drop a comment below with your favs!

And here’s to hoping we can all safely go out in public again sometime soon!

5 Secrets of Successful Women

5 Secrets of Successful Women

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Money, fame, achievement. Everyone craves success on some level.

And everyone’s definition of success is slightly different.

As a working mom, my definition of success includes separate achievements for work and home.

Both realms are demanding and it can sometimes feel like I’m treading water rather than making any real progress.

I certainly could decide to simply maintain status quo. It seems much easier to maintain rather than gain.

Maintaining is especially appearling when there are so many demands both at work and at home!

But this thought just doesn’t sit right with me. Something inside keeps pushing me toward bigger and better things.

After all, there are examples everywhere of successful women excelling both at home and at work.

What are their secrets to success?

And how can you achieve success in your own life?

The obvious answer is that it depends upon what you’re trying to achieve.

If you want to be a bestselling author, you have to write a book.

And if you want to be the CEO of your own company, you need to first start and grow said company.

If you’re looking for a more organized household, you have to figure out a realistic daily organizational schedule. And stick to it.

Although the steps required to achieve success vary depending upon the specific goal, success requires certain key attributes.

Successful women everywhere are proof that success is achieveable if these key attributes are central tenets in their lives.

You may be asking yourself exactly what these key attributes are.

Don’t worry – I’ve got you covered! Read on to find out.

Successful Women Work Hard

“I never dreamed about success. I worked for it.”

Estee Lauder

Rachel Hollis is one of my all-time favorite successful women. She is both motivational and inspirational but also delivers honesty.

Brutal honesty at times.

In one of her recent podcasts, she made a statement which has stuck with me ever since.

“Success is supposed to be hard.”

On some level, I already knew this. But to hear someone say it was oddly comforting.

Sometimes I get lulled into the assumption that if something is hard, I must be doing it wrong. As if ease somehow guarantees the correct path.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Accomplishing anything requires time and effort. Repeated over and over and over.

Early mornings. Late nights. Sacrifice.

Successful women are not born that way. Success is merely the pay-off for all the work they put in towards their goals.

Although wildly successful now, Rachel definitely didn’t start out that way.

Her book highlights her struggles with anxiety, self-confidence, and carving out her own career path.

A path paved by long hours of volunteering alongside her regular job to learn what she ultimately knew she needed to know to succeed on her own.

She is adament that success doesn’t randomly find you. Rather, you must put forth the effort to find it.

Successful Women Never Give Up

“Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”

Harriet Beecher Stowe

And speaking of putting forth effort … successful women never give up! No matter what.

Success requires persistence.

Extreme persistence.

The persistence of a woman with a spark of an idea for something bigger.

Despite seemingly insurmountable odds including divorce and raising a daughter on her own, the spark grows.

And she writes. She continues fanning the flames of inspiration despite struggling to make ends meet.

Five years after the spark of an idea initially comes to her, she finishes the manuscript.

And the manuscript is rejected by 12 different publishers before finally being accepted by one.

Her persistence pays off and she eventually becomes author of the best-selling book series in history.

J. K. Rowling achieved remarkable success, at least in part thanks to her unwillingness to give up.

Remember all that stuff about working hard? A big piece of working hard is refusing to give up.

We just never know what life will throw at us next. And we have no way of knowing what’s around the next corner.

Success is a funny thing in that it requires an incredible amount of undefined effort.

In other words, when we decide to take action toward a goal, we have no idea exactly how much effort it will require.

We have no idea which big push will result in major pay-off.

But giving up on your goals virtually guarantees failure. And failure of this type is completely non-productive.

Successful Women Fail Forward

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”

J. K. Rowling

Successful women embrace failure as a tool for growth.

Failure is actually a more effective teacher than success because the lessons learned are infinitely more memorable.

If you choose to see failure in this light.

Unfortunately, our own egos tend to get in the way of learning from failure.

It can be all too easy to latch onto the negative emotion accompanying failure rather than sort through to find the value.

Ultimately the negativity can morph into bitterness over time.

You may have heard of fashion designer Vera Wang but did you know that she grew up figure skating competitively?

Vera skated in the 1968 U.S. Figure Skating Championships with her sights on making the Olympic team.

Unfortunately, she didn’t make the team.

At that point, Vera had a choice. She could allow this failure to define her and overshadow every other good thing in her life.

Or she could learn from it and choose to move forward.

And move forward she did.

Vera ultimately chose to pursue fashion and became one of the top household names in the industry today.

I will be the first to admit that I know nothing about fashion. Zero. Zip. Zilch.

And even I recognize her name.

Would the same be true if she had made the Olympic figure skating team?

There’s no way to know for sure but what can be gained from this story is the fact that you can choose to learn and grow from failure.

Failure in life is inevitable.

Don’t ever let it define you!

Successful Women Have a Plan

“Plan your work for today and every day. Then work your plan.”

Margaret Thatcher

Imagine getting into your car one day with the intention of going somewhere.

You have no idea where you want to go but have a vague sense there is somewhere you are supposed to be.

Your “to-do” list is a mile long but those things can certainly wait. After all, many of those tasks have actually been on your list for months now.

So you turn the key in the ignition and back out of the driveway.

What follows are 3 hours of aimless driving before you realize that the car is low on gas.

You pull into the gas station to fill up and suddenly realize where you were supposed to be.

At work giving a presentation.

Three hours ago.

Yikes!

Whether it’s a plan for the day, for your future, or for next week, successful women know the value of planning.

After all, how can you possibly know when you’ve achieved what you’re going after when you have no idea what you’re actually aiming for?

Planning gives you a sense of purpose and a road map to your destination.

You may also enjoy reading this post about time management for busy moms.

Successful Women Choose Gratitude

“Developing an ‘attitude of gratitude’ is one of the simplest ways to improve your satisfaction with life.”

Amy Morin

Life is unpredictable.

You can put in all the back-aching, up-all-night, totally exhausting work towards your goals and still face setback after setback.

And despite the setbacks, you can make the choice to learn and grow rather than letting them overwhelm you.

Sometimes all the planning in the world can’t even prepare you for what’s coming next.

I mean, seriously.

If I told you a year ago that in March of 2020, the entire United States would essentially shut down to prevent the spread of a virus, would you have believed me?

Probably not.

I wouldn’t have believed it myself.

And yet … here we are.

Despite the craziness, you still have control over one thing.

Your attitude.

You can still make the choice to wake up each morning seeing the rain either as a vital necessity or the horrible thing which cancels your parade.

Successful women actively seek out areas of their lives which are bright spots and express gratitude.

Taking this perspective shifts your focus off the negative of any given situation and instead allows a more productive thought process.

Learning to express gratitude rather than wallow in self-pity takes effort but is ultimately worth the work.

You may also enjoy reading this post about achieving a positive mindset.

It’s Your Turn

Although the definition of success varies from woman to woman, the secrets to achieving any type of success are similar.

Expect to work hard regardless of your goal. If success was easy, everyone would attain it.

Never ever give up! You just never know when you will break through the other side of whatever you’re trying to accomplish.

Learn from failure rather than letting it overwhelm you. Failure may be trying to point you down a completely different path than you have ever considered before.

Make a plan. Chances are, you’ll need to revise it on a regular basis. But it’s much easier to steer something that’s already in motion than to get it going in the first place.

And lastly, prioritize gratitude. There’s always something to be thankful for! Get in the habit of regularly looking for those bright spots in your life.

I hope you have come away from this post feeling a little more motivated and inspired to achieve success in your own life!

I’d love to hear your thoughts below!

5 Ways to Find Peace Despite Chaos

5 Ways to Find Peace Despite Chaos

The world is a strange place right now.

Here in Wisconsin, the governor ordered closure of all bars and restaurants earlier this week.

If you know anything about Wisconsin, it’s that our population relies on its dense population of bars and churches to survive.

And churches across the state closed their doors over the weekend.

Last week, nursing homes across the state made the incredibly difficult decision to close their doors to visitors.

The public school system has been shut down.

Sports stadiums everywhere are silent.

Companies are finding ways for their employees to work from home.

These are truly unprecedented times we are living in.

Life as we have come to know it is changing rapidly.

Amidst all the crazy toilet paper buying, doomsday prepping, and constant media coverage, anxiety is at an all-time high.

We have no way of knowing what tomorrow will bring.

The realities of preparing for the coronavirus have impacted most aspects of my own life. It feels like everywhere I turn, there are new reasons to stress.

It all feels very overwhelming.

Getting swept up in the madness is so easy!

But is that really how you want to live your life? At the mercy of whatever crisis the media is currently fixated on?

Or would you rather take charge of anxiety, grounded in peace that you, in fact, can handle whatever life throws at you?

You do have a choice. Either be consumed by anxiety. Or choose peace.

Lately I have been focusing on how to find peace despite the chaos.

And the great news? You can too! Here are 5 ways to get started today.

1. Find peace despite chaos through time spent with loved ones

In the midst of chaos, routines are turned upside down.

Soccer practice? Cancelled.

Your after-hours work event? Cancelled.

Cheerleading? Cancelled.

But do you know what hasn’t been cancelled?

Family dinner.

A walk through the neighborhood.

Game night.

Although we would never have expected our social calendars to suddenly clear, is it really such a bad thing?

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel like my schedule is filled with obligations rather than meaning.

It can often feel like I say “yes” to things because of what others want me to be or do. I forget to listen to my own voice. And if I don’t prioritize my own time, there’s no one on this earth who will do it for me!

There is also a tendency to take the time spent with friends and family for granted. We can get lulled into thinking they will always be there waiting for us.

It’s far too easy to get caught up in the mundane of the routine and forget to connect with those around us.

If there’s anything the uncertainty of the past couple of weeks has taught me, it’s that the time is now.

We can’t take anything for granted because we have no idea what’s coming tomorrow.

Uncertainty reminds us that being intentional about our time and creating meaningful connections with others are both incredibly important.

The silver lining in all this social distancing is actually a brand new start. The slate is wiped clean. We are free to start all over again with a better understanding of our goals and priorities.

Including, and especially, our loved ones.

You have an amazing opportunity to both reconnect with your loved ones and to find peace despite the chaos!

And thanks to technology, you can both reconnect and maintain social distancing guidelines.

So take a step in the right direction today. Give someone you haven’t spoken with in awhile a call. Reach out and make a connection.

After all, what better conversation starter could there be than a gigantic, nationwide toilet paper shortage? It really couldn’t get any easier than that!

2. Turn off the news

Yes, the news is important. It has a vital role in keeping all of us updated on happenings both local and around the world.

But they also want to keep you coming back for more.

They want you to choose them over every other news channel (or website) out there.

And how do they hook you?

By feeding into your emotions, namely fear.

Remember the principle of fight or flight? Biologically speaking, fear triggers an incredibly strong chemical response within your body.

The fear response is stronger than the response garnered by most other emotions.

The news media keeps you hooked by triggering your fear response. Over and over and over again.

They are making sure you continue to tune in by scaring you.

I am all for being updated on the facts of various occurrences.

But I am not about to be fed sensationalized versions of facts whose only purpose is to scare me into continuing to watch.

And my advice to you? Figure out exactly what it is you need to know and then locate an organization focused on the facts.

For example, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has the most up-to-date information on travel restrictions and ways to stay healthy.

Local county health departments are tracking the latest statistics on people impacted in your area.

Neither source will give you sensationalized accounts of how everyone in America will eventually succumb to the virus and 50% of those people will die.

They will simply give you facts. Nothing more, nothing less.

Why would you ever need anything more than that?

3. Search for the positive amidst the negative

When everything goes haywire, it’s incredibly easy to focus on what’s going wrong.

Especially when the changes are as surreal as those happening right now.

If you had told me a year ago that a virus would close down the public school system indefinitely, I would never have believed you.

Likewise, I would never have believed that I would shop my local Wal-Mart at 7 a.m. and find the shelves as bare as I’ve ever seen them.

Or that those same Wal-Mart shelves would be completely devoid of toilet paper.

Changes this dramatic are very unsettling.

But focusing on the negative will only get you to a place of deeper anxiety.

As strange as all the recent events have been, it will all eventually fade into our memories.

Restaurants will open back up again.

Kids will complain about playing basketball in gym class (or maybe that was just me!?).

You will once again be able to meet up with your bestie for coffee without regulation that you sit at least 6 feet apart.

Believe it or not, good things are coming out of all this madness.

One example in my own life is my daycare’s decision to close, coincidentally at the same time my in-laws went on vacation out-of-state.

We have never relied too heavily on sitters so our list is incredibly short. Unfortunately, our usual sitter was already committed elsewhere.

My friend put out a Facebook post that her teenage daughter was available to watch kiddos. I decided to reach out and give it a try.

And do you know what happened?

The kids loved her! They had a great time and now our sitter list is just a bit longer.

Although it takes effort, we can choose to look for the positives in an otherwise negative situation.

Be a positive force in an otherwise chaotic world.

You may also enjoy reading this post about how to get yourself into a positive mindset.

4. Find peace despite chaos through rest

I am guilty of completely over-booking myself. Day after day, week after week, month after month.

Between home, work, and my very limited social life, I feel compelled to constantly be doing something.

My house could always use some type of attention, whether it’s laundry, the floors, or the messy bathroom.

And based upon the piles of dirty laundry which appear every week, I swear to you that there are at least 3 extra people living in my house who I’ve never met. Which begs the question … why aren’t they helping with their laundry?

Also, would it kill them to sweep the floor once in awhile?

Work has also been a challenge as within the past year, I have transitioned to the new role of nurse practitioner. And when you take on a new role, there’s always an abundance to learn and improve upon.

Especially during such an unpredented time as this.

I do have to admit that my social life is essentially non-existent at this point and the virus is not entirely to blame. Between work and home, I simply have no extra energy left to devote to its revival.

Although I have never been someone with a wide social circle, the people I do consider friends are very near and dear to me.

And many of them are also in the midst of figuring out their own work/life balance.

But I have always felt that I could do a better job of staying connected with friends despite my very introverted tendencies.

I am constantly lying to myself about the possibility of a break. “I’ll just keep going until xyz and then I will take some time for myself.”

But when xyz happens, I never take the promised break.

And then I wonder why I’m constantly so exhausted.

Sometimes, we just need a break. And maybe this is God’s way of forcing a break on all of us.

Anxiety feeds off fatigue, exhaustion, and overhwelm. Stop anxiety in its tracks by taking a nap, a Netflix break, or by picking up a good book.

Take advantage of this moment to stop “being” and to instead just “be.”

5. Have faith

At a time when even churches have closed their doors, the world may seem a very hopeless place right now.

Although there are changes sweeping the nation and the world, we have to remember that we have never really been in charge anyway.

Whether it’s coronavirus or some other crazy disease threatening the world, we have no idea what tomorrow will bring.

We can only do our very best to do what we can with what we have and leave the rest in God’s hands.

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.

Romans 5: 1-2

Anxiety never changes tomorrow’s outcome but it does steal today’s peace.

My challenge to you today is to choose peace. Reject anxiety.

Focus on the good. Make a difference where you can. Help someone else out.

And never lose your faith that all will work out according to God’s plan.

It’s Your Turn

There’s no denying the big changes happening everywhere.

Between all the closings, the constant news media coverage, and the empty store shelves, some would have you believe the world itself is ending.

But it’s really not all bad!

Social distancing is a technique useful for minimizing the impact illnesses such as the coronavirus can have on a population.

It’s a way we can both conserve resources and protect those who are most vulnerable.

Yes, it’s definitely unsettling to drive through an eerily quiet city.

But this too will pass.

And by taking these drastic measures, I pray the impact will be minimal.

I can only imagine that we will also have a much greater appreciation for having the ability to once again gather with friends and family.

Seize this unsettling time to find peace despite chaos.

Choosing peace will help you become a stronger and more resilient person, better equipped to take on the next crisis thrown at you.

After all, doesn’t surviving a toilet paper shortage equip you to overcome basically anything???

I would love to hear your thoughts on this post below! What are you struggling with right now and what has helped you find peace despite chaos?

5 Benefits of Learning Piano as an Adult

5 Benefits of Learning Piano as an Adult

Have you thought about learning piano as an adult but are not sure whether it would be worth your time?

Maybe you attended lessons when you were younger but never took it seriously and have since forgotten everything.

Or maybe you stuck with lessons for several years and still remember a bit but are now confused about where to pick up again.

I have had countless conversations with adults who tell me they would love to be able to play piano but feel that it’s simply too late to learn.

Each and every time I encounter this situation, my advice is the same.

It’s NEVER too late!

In fact, there are several benefits to learning piano as an adult versus as a child. (I believe there are way more than 5 but for purposes of keeping this post at a manageable length, I had to limit myself!)

In this post, I will be sharing the benefits of learning the piano as an adult, common roadblocks keeping you stuck, and resources for continuing your piano journey.

If you’re already confident that you’re ready to begin learning piano, check out this post.

Benefits of Learning Piano as an Adult

Music has the ability to transport us to a completely different place and time. It has the power to evoke a long forgotten memory or bring out emotions we have tried our hardest to avoid.

Try to imagine watching a movie without music. Pretty tough, isn’t it? Music is the unseen character adding life, passion, and humanity to each and every scene.

Music inspires and motivates on a deeper level than can be achieved in other ways.

And the ability to make music? To breathe life into the melody running through your mind? That is something else entirely!

1. Anxiety and Stress Reduction

I will be the first to raise my hand and admit I have anxiety.

Give me some type of vaguely hypothetical situation and I will concoct a compelling reason why you should be afraid. Very afraid.

Unfortunately for me, anxiety + creativity = excessive worry about completely ridiculous situations.

My tendency to allow anxiety to slowly creep in and eventually take over is one of the reasons I love playing piano the most.

When my brain is busy transferring notes from the page to my fingers, it doesn’t have space left to perseverate.

The integration required between the instrument, my brain, and my body is too complex to allow for any extraneous thoughts to creep in and take over.

And when I’m not fixated on anxiety-provoking thoughts, relief from the sometimes all-consuming anxiety follows.

Interestingly, research has shown that the act of making music is enough to interrupt the normal stress response which is triggered by anxiety.

Even beyond the physiological effects of the stress response is the fact that making music is simply fun!

You may also enjoy reading Elegie in Eb Minor.

2. Playing Piano Boosts Cognitition

Playing the piano is a complex task which requires integration of the motor system and multiple senses.

The pianist’s main goal in balancing all of this is to convey emotion through their artistry.

I don’t say this to intimidate you in any way but rather to encourage thought about the complexity involved in translating writing on a page to an emotional idea.

And where there is complexity, growth follows.

Multiple studies have shown differences in brain structure between people who study music and those who don’t.

This has most dramatically been noted in studies of cognition in the aging population.

In short, cognitive function is better in adults who study piano in comparison to adults who do not. If you’re curious and want to learn more, check out the study results yourself here.

Memory also improves among adults who play the piano.

Although adults typically aren’t taking math and reading tests on a regular basis, studying piano has also been shown to boost scores in these areas.

It may just be the compelling reason you need to inspire your kids to start learning piano as well???

3. Playing Piano Instills Discipline

Getting better at any type of activity requires doing more of that activity. The more we do something, the better we get at it.

Learning to play the piano is no different.

It requires a certain amount of dedication.

Consistent, high-quality practice results in progression of your skills.

The good news is that learning piano as an adult often requires a degree of discipline that you already have.

Chances are good that you have learned how to excel in various areas of your life. In order to excel, you have already figured out how to put in the work to see the pay-off.

And if discipline is an area you struggle with, there’s good news for you too!

Setting a practice schedule (and sticking with it) can set the stage for discipline in other areas of your life.

Once you have figured out consistency in this area, it’s easier to apply to other areas.

If you are looking for more tips on piano practice, check out this post.

4. Improved Ability to Handle Feedback

Getting feedback from someone else can be hard!

If you struggle with emotional vulnerability, the natural response to feedback often comes across as defensiveness.

And nothing shuts down open communication quicker than being defensive!

But sometimes we need the perspectives of others to make positive changes.

We need input from employers, spouses, and friends to become better versions of ourselves.

Unfortunately, daily life often doesn’t provide a safe space to practice receiving feedback.

Unless you’re learning a new skill under the direction of someone who is more advanced.

A new skill like learning to play the piano.

Learning a new skill takes the pressure off getting feedback.

As a beginner, you’re not expected to know anything. At the same time, feedback is exactly what you need to improve.

Piano lessons are a great way to practice getting feedback in a low-pressure situation. You can then apply this skill to other areas of your life and watch your ability to communicate with others improve as well!

5. Playing Piano Increases Confidence

Although it may seem contradictory, learning a new skill can actually increase your overall confidence.

Learning something new encourages a sense of curiousity. When we are curious, we are far less likely to be overly self-critical.

Our energy is instead focused on learning and growing. As we begin to see improvements, we become more and more confident.

The confidence from one specific area of our lives can spill into all other areas.

Especially if this new skill involves an element of performance.

And whether you are by yourself practicing, playing through a piece for your teacher, or giving a recital, music is performance.

Confidence is an essential aspect of musical performance and is incredibly useful in daily life.

Roadblocks Keeping You Stuck

Now that we’ve covered the top benefits of learning piano as an adult, let’s talk barriers.

Despite the benefits, I know there are a few things still holding you back from getting started. Let’s break them down, one-by-one.

Piano Lessons are for Kids

Although it is true that many people begin lessons as kids, learning as an adult actually has several advantages.

The first is that as an adult, you are choosing to learn piano. No one is setting a practice timer for you. You’re not getting grounded for skipping your lesson.

You call the shots.

It’s up to you to find a teacher you mesh well with. You also get to decide the instrument if you don’t already have one. It’s also entirely up to you whether you take in-person or online lessons.

Your success with the instrument rests entirely in your hands.

And speaking of hands … the second advantage to learning as an adult is that your hand-eye coordination and muscles are fully developed.

Learning certain pieces and specific techniques is now possible. Although kids may progress rapidly in their study of the instrument, they can be held back on further progress due to development.

The third advantage involves attention span and critical thinking skills. Both are much more advantageous to effective learning in an adult versus in kids.

Many kids can only sit and concentrate for ten minutes at a time. Their practice is therefore somewhat limited.

Adults on the other hand can focus for much longer stretches of time.

They also have a greater capacity to integrate music theory and analysis to more effectively learn music. This is one aspect of playing where I continue to feel somewhat disadvantaged.

Although I did have elements of music theory in my lessons from a very young age, I didn’t fully appreciate it until I was older. By that time, I feel that I had already developed my own specific way for learning pieces without the theory component.

I continue to accommodate for this deficit today and am making progress but feel that learning piano as an adult is a major asset in this area!

Time (Or Lack Thereof)

I get it. Your day is busy. Maybe even crazy. I’m sure there are days which pass so quickly you are left wondering where the time went when your head hits the pillow at night.

I have those days too.

But do you really want to spend your days wondering where the time went?

Or would you rather use the time you have been given to pursue your biggest goals and dreams?

Learning piano as an adult may seem like it will take an enormous amount of time and energy.

Depending upon your goals, it will.

Guess what though?

You don’t have to expend all that energy in one day. Practice is actually more beneficial if broken into small, very intentional, chunks of time.

You may also enjoy reading this post about how to find more time in your day.

There are days when I only have 10 minutes to devote to practice.

But I make the most of it and look forward to the days when I’m able to practice more.

Every minute adds up to better and better playing.

The time will pass anyway. You might as well make the most out of it!

You may also enjoy reading this post about how to be more intentional with your time.

Finding a Teacher

Thanks to technology, the days of traveling to your piano teacher’s house for lessons are gone.

Maybe.

There are still plenty of teachers who continue to offer lessons this way.

And learning this way continues to be the preferred method for many people.

But what are your options if you don’t have a teacher nearby? Or if you don’t have time to devote to driving to the teacher?

You could choose to attend lessons online or subscribe to a membership website dedicated to helping people learn to play piano.

One such membership website also has a Facebook group for others who are also learning to play.

I am personally part of one of these websites and have found it a great supplement to my existing knowledge.

You may also find this website helpful if you already have a solid foundation in piano basics but are looking to start again.

It’s a great option if geography or time limits your lesson options!

Check out an example of the lessons contained in the membership website here.

Finding an Instrument

Not having an instrument is an obvious barrier to learning piano as an adult.

In order to make progress, you will need consistent practice. Practice will require an instrument.

Luckily, you also have several options in this area.

Many people prefer an acoustic piano. Acoustic pianos come in several different sizes and in quite variable price ranges.

You can find a spinet (a smaller acoustic piano) for free on Craigslist. There are also many perfectly acceptable instruments out there for less than $1,000. Keep in mind that in many instances, you get what you pay for.

In the beginning of your studies, you can make progress with a lower quality instrument.

Investing less up front can also take the pressure off later if you decide that piano isn’t for you.

I definitely recommend working with a piano tuner to find an instrument within your budget. They will be able to give you an accurate estimate of the instrument you are considering. Piano tuners can also tell you whether any major work on the instrument is required.

An electronic keyboard is another option if space is limited. A great advantage of these is the option to plug in headphones. You can then practice any time of the day or night.

Keyboards also offer many different setting and recording options. They also come in a wide range of features and prices.

Let’s Get Started!

And there you have it! Five benefits to learning the piano as an adult and the common roadblocks holding you back. For even more information on getting started, check out this post on how to learn piano as an adult.

I truly hope this post inspires you to get out of your comfort zone and go for it! You never know where this one decision will take you. So get out there and get started!

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this article and whether it inspired you to take the first step!

Achieve a Positive Mindset … Achieve Your Goals!

Achieve a Positive Mindset … Achieve Your Goals!

I have a confession to make. A deep, dark secret which is tough to admit even to myself.

The secret is that a negative mindset has destroyed progress toward so many of my goals in life.

Goals such as getting (and keeping!) my house organized. Expanding my piano repertoire by learning new pieces. Becoming more intentional about my time by saying “no” to people pleasing.

The Root of the Problem

The problem isn’t that I don’t have a strong “why.” It also has nothing to do with being unaware of how to get where I want to go.

For me, the problem lies with negativity.

There have been so many times when I make actual progress toward a goal only to wake up one day with a negative mindset. Maybe I didn’t sleep well the night before. Or maybe I missed my morning run.

Whatever the initial reason, negativity sinks its teeth in and takes over.

It all starts with doubt which causes me to question the validity of my goal.

Accomplishing the goal suddenly seems impossible, unattainable, and even a waste of time.

Something which once seemed absolutely worth doing loses its meaning in the face of negativity.

Does this sound like you? Have you ever started passionately chasing a goal only to be stopped in your tracks by a negative mindset?

A Cycle of Negativity

A negative mindset, however small it starts, can be powerful enough to send me into a cycle of self-sabotage.

The cycle goes something like this …

I get excited about a new goal and figure out which small, daily steps will help me accomplish it.

At first, I’m so excited about this goal that nothing can dissuade me from believing I will acomplish it.

Taking those small, daily steps is simple at first because when you start from zero, seeing progress is easy.

Regardless of the goal, progress gets tougher at some point.

The initial excitement of having a new goal begins to fade away. You hit a wall and are forced to either learn and adapt or abandon ship.

Growth is required to move beyond the starting point. And growth never comes without some type of turmoil.

Seeds of Doubt

And for me, that turmoil usually involves a tiny seed of doubt.

It typically boils down to perfectionism and (admittedly) unattainable standards.

The lie of perfection feeds thoughts of inadequacy and stalls progress. My mindset suddenly shifts from positive to negative.

It quickly becomes easy to find every excuse in the book to stop taking action toward my goal.

After all, with a husband, 3 kids, and a full-time career I don’t have to look very far to find an excuse!

Armed with an excuse rationalized as quite validly justified in my mind, all daily actions stop. And my goal withers away to nothing.

The tiny seed of doubt, watered by ridiculous excuses, soon grows into a huge tree preventing personal growth.

“We are all gardeners, planting seeds of intention and watering them with attention in every moment of every day.”

Cristen Rodgers

Goals, Mindset, and Success

If going after goals is so difficult, why do it? Why not just stay exactly where you are right now? And what does mindset have to do with any of this?

I am a firm believer that growth is essential to life itself. We are constantly evolving into different versions of ourselves.

Goals provide a framework and a direction for growth. There are a million different ways we could choose to grow. But chasing all of them at once means never making meaningful progress in any of them.

It’s only when we focus our attention on a specific goal that we see progress. Whatever has our attention sees progress.

Our mindset ultimately determines success or failure in the areas where our attention is focused.

If we don’t pay attention to keeping our mindset positive, overwhelm, self-sabotage, and a tendency to remain stagnant can easily creep in.

We remain stuck where we are if we don’t keep pursuing goals. We ultimately fail to accomplish what we set out to do.

And even beyond the disappointment of one failed goal is the pattern of quitting which can quickly establish itself.

A negative mindset can set you up to fail time after time. After awhile, negativity can convince you that trying again one more time is simply not worth it.

Awareness: The First Step Toward A Positive Mindset

We need positivity and small achievements here and there to encourage us to keep going even when it’s tough.

The abilites to enjoy life, experience happiness, and achieve success depend upon mindset. Achieving a positive mindset is crucial!

Are you ready to learn how to transform your mindset from self-sabotaging negativity to one of goal-conquering positivity? Although incorporating the following tactics does require some consistency, each one is actually quite simple.

As with most things in life, the very first step is awareness.

Pay attention to your thought patterns. Are the conversations you have with yourself dominated by motivational self-talk? Or do they tend to have negative overtones causing you to question yourself?

Capture your thoughts on paper by spending some time writing them down.

Can you identify any common themes to your thoughts? Can you figure out the root cause behind the negativity?

In many instances, self-defeating thoughts are driven by a random negative comment made by someone years ago. Or a past situation which you perceive as having ended poorly.

Our brains tend to drudge up negativity from the past and automate it into self-defeat or other negative thought patterns.

It’s only when we take the time to process through our automated thinking that we begin to make connections and positive change.

I have found that it’s incredibly easy to let my thinking go on auto-pilot. When on auto-pilot, the mind brings forth patterns of thinking which have developed over long periods of time.

Patterns which may be based upon completely false information but which evoke feelings of low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and defeat.

Challenge Your Thoughts

Transferring your thoughts to paper gives them an element of reality which is otherwise difficult to capture. Seeing the words in black and white gives you the opportunity to analyze and even dispute the negativity.

Patterns of thinking can become so ingrained into your thought life that they are nearly impossible to identify unless they are written down.

And yet these patterns are powerful enough to hold you back from your full potential and stop personal growth.

Once you have started writing down your thoughts, you can begin to challenge them. Is there any truth whatsoever behind those self-defeating thoughts? Begin to focus in on where the thought originated from and then work to re-frame it.

Through writing down my own thought patterns, I have discovered that perfectionism often holds me back from progress. I have held onto the false belief that everything in my life has to be absolutely perfect for my life to have meaning.

Perfectionism is a lie which has kept me stuck in a negative rut.

Unfortunately, growth is messy and imperfect. Mistakes and missteps are a prerequisite to finding the right path.

There is no perfection in life and continuing to believe this lie would forever keep me stuck.

Uncovering the source of my negative mindset has been incredibly helpful in moving toward a more positive one. Learning or doing something new requires mistakes!

My need to live up to some skewed definition of perfection has so often caused me to abandon goals and remain stagnant.

But the good news is that through awarenss, I have now been able to identify exactly where my goals derail. Instead of letting myself go down the perfectionism trail, I can use various other tactics to keep myself going toward growth.

Find a Mentor

Adopting a growth mindset is often easier when you are surrounded by others who have a similar mindset.

Seek out the company of others who are also interested in personal growth and maintaing a positive mindset.

Consider finding a mentor or coach to assist you in attaining your goals. This is especially helpful if you are looking to advance your skills in a particular area.

Finding a coach has been pivotal in several areas of my life, most notably in one of my favorite hobbies.

A few years ago, I decided to pursue a type of horseback riding called dressage. I grew up riding in a completely different discipline but had always been intrigued by dressage.

And so, I looked around for an instructor.

A couple of weeks later, I finally found someone with not only a great deal of experience in the sport of dressage but who also has a growth mindset herself.

It’s been 4 years and I continue to take so much value from not only the lessons themselves but their application to life in general.

Finding an instructor with a positive mindset has been such a blessing in my own life! I highly encourage you to find that person in a relevant area of your own life.

Accountability and learning from others propels growth in ways which are otherwise difficult to achieve.

Your Physical Health

And speaking of personal growth …. maintaining a positive mindset is nearly impossible if you’re not paying attention to your physical health.

The food you put into your body, exercise, and sleep all have a profound impact on your mental wellbeing and simply cannot be ignored!

The Gut-Brain Connection

Believe it or not, there is a strong connection between the brain and the gut.

Think about the last time you did something which made you nervous. Maybe it was a job interview, presentation, or even watching your daughter’s big soccer game. Did you have butterflies in your stomach?

If so, you have experienced the gut-brain connection firsthand.

Although we are only beginning to understand the science behind the connection, the fact that there is a connection simply cannot be disputed.

When your brain is stressed and in a negative mindset, your stomach is impacted. You may even experience abdominal pain and cramping during times of high anxiety and depression. Likewise, when your stomach is in distress, signals with the potential to darken your mindset are sent to your brain.

The great news is that there are certain foods which can reduce anxiety and therefore minimize abdominal distress.

Foods high in vitamin C, healthy fats, and magnesium work in different ways to naturally reduce stress hormones and elevate your mood. Look for ways to add foods such as pistachios, salmon, oranges, and avocados to your diet.

Move Your Body

I know that exercise may not be everyone’s idea of a great time, but it does wonders for your brain health!

Exercise actually releases feel-good hormones in your brain, elevating your mood and giving you a sense of accomplishment.

Beyond the natural release of hormones which comes with exercise is the focus required to do it.

Shifting your focus to completing a physical task often leaves little mental space to ruminate yourself further into a negative spiral.

It gives your brain an opportunity to shift the focus elsewhere and to stop the tendency to spiral further.

One of the reasons that I love dressage so much is that it requires a great deal of both mental focus and physical energy.

Great riders make it look completely effortless but the truth is that the sport requires the rider to constantly adjust the horse into “effortless.”

The rider must always read the horse’s movements and transfer that information into physical movements communicated back to the horse.

In short, dressage requires intense focus combined with physical prowess and there is little room left over to ruminate on the negative.

It completely engrosses me and by doing so, gives me a sense of wellbeing and accomplishment that few other activities do.

I highly recommend that you find some type of physical activity which mentally and physically challenges you. You will find it much easier to develop a positive mindset by regularly exercising!

Sleep Perks

Somewhere along the line, we have developed a distorted view of sleep.

In today’s world, it’s all about how much can be accomplished on the least amount of sleep. Society today wears sleep deprivation like a badge of honor.

Everywhere you look, there are ads for energy drinks, supplements, and caffeine-filled products guaranteed to help you stay awake for days.

Meanwhile, there are equally as many ads for medications and supplements guaranteed to put you to sleep when you’re struggling with insomnia.

The reality is our bodies NEED sleep. It’s the reset button which brings us back to neutral and refreshes our minds and bodies.

There is no positive mindset without adequate rest.

And we are making sleep way too complicated. Caffeine, screen time before bed, and unrelieved anxiety all work against quality sleep.

Simple adjustments to your daily (and nightly) routines can do wonders in helping you get a good night’s sleep. Check out this post for more tips on getting restful sleep at night.

Calm Your Mind

Learning how to calm your mind can also have a dramatic impact on your ability to attain a positive mindset. One way to do this is through meditation.

This ancient practice helps you become more aware of your thoughts. You can then begin to control your thoughts and learn how to manage negative feelings.

I was sceptical of meditation until trying it a few months ago.

Meditation does require practice however I immediately began noticing positive changes. It helped me develop an awareness of my thoughts and the need to stop thinking on auto-pilot.

I have also learned techniques for avoiding negative chatter in my mind. Negative chatter, fueled by insecurity and overwhelm, can swirl into a perfect storm of anxiety.

Although it can feel as if we have no control over our thoughts (and especially the negative chatter), we absolutely do.

Meditation clears space for peace and introspection within your mind, essential components to developing a more positive mindset.

Meditation is an essential piece of developing a more positive mindset!

If you are completely new to meditation, I highly recommend this app. I can’t say enough about the positive changes I have seen since I started using it!

It’s Your Turn to Work on a Positive Mindset

Goals are important because when done consistently, they build into habits. Habits form the backbone of lasting change and goal attainment. Without small goals performed consistently, goal attainment is impossible, even more so without a positive mindset.

I hope you have found these tactics helpful. You can do hard things! But you must work to establish a foundation based upon positivity in order to do so.

Developing a more positive outlook doesn’t have to be difficult. Take small action every day to see bigger changes down the road.

I’d love to hear your thoughts below on what you found most helpful! Until next time …. keep chasing after those goals! Remember, the only failure in life is quitting.

The Secret to Making Working Mom Life Work

The Secret to Making Working Mom Life Work

After a particularly long and stressful day a few weeks ago, I had an epiphany. It suddenly hit me that I am a working mom. Not a very timely epiphany as my first child is 9 and I worked before and after her birth. But an epiphany, nonetheless.

There are times when navigating a full-time career and managing a household feels incredibly overwhelming. In these dark moments, the questions in my mind arise.

“How can I possibly do everything that needs to be done in a day?”

“Is it selfish to take time for myself?”

“Am I taking anything away from my kids by also having a career?”

“Could I be a better mother if I devoted more time to it?”

“Why am I so hopelessly disorganized?”

These are the moments when I question everything. Maybe these questions have also arisen in your mind?

And although I do consider myself to have perfectionist tendencies, I am a terrible planner. I put very little thought or effort into thinking ahead about certain things. Life has a way of happening and I’ve always emphasized the big decisions while letting the smaller ones go.

But working mom life is tough! So tough that I wonder whether it is possible to excel in one’s career and at home. All while staying hydrated, getting enough sleep, excercising, socializing, and staying sane. Basically doing all the things.

How do you do all the things as a working mom? Are there other moms out there who feel the same way?

It begs the question of how I even got on this crazy path.

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Past and Present

Whether or not I should work has never been the question. Even after having kids, I’ve always felt a strong pull to contribute to my family financially. Having been raised on a dairy farm, I learned very early on that work is simply a part of life.

The act of working in and of itself brings me a great deal of satisfaction. But my career path has taken twists and turns that I never expected.

If there’s anything I’ve learned thus far, it’s that life is unexpected and forces you to pivot.

After graduating with a fine arts degree in music, I found myself living in a tiny Wisconsin town. If you know anything about tiny Wisconsin towns, you know that they are basically comprised of bars and churches. Bleak job prospects for a newly graduated music major. And although I did take a position playing Sunday services for a couple of area churches, I didn’t make nearly enough to support myself.

You may also enjoy reading Stop Caring What “They” Think.

I needed a new plan.

Luckily, I had completed a certified nursing assistant (CNA) course in college and decided to apply for a position at a local nursing home. This one decision launched an entirely different type of career path than I had ever considered before.

A path which would eventually lead from CNA in a nursing home to nurse practitioner for people residing in a nursing home. Throw a marriage, a daughter, divorce, a second marriage, and two sons into the mix and here we are today.

But until recently, I had never sat down to think about HOW one goes about managing a career and family. What does this actually look like and can the two be meshed together in some type of cohesive way?

Career and Family

All great questions. My working mom epiphany was starting to lead me down a path of discovery. And so I did what I usually do whenever I have a curious thought which won’t go away. I looked for a book which could help me better understand this concept of working while raising a family.

The book I found was a collection of individual stories of women who work and also have children. Stories of women who climbed the corporate ladder and those who ultimately chose to adjust their careers around their home life. Women juggling PTO, sick days, vacation, and wardrobe malfunctions all in the name of excelling at work and at home.

An entire book all about the good, the bad, and the ugly of being a working mom.

And to be honest, the book was initially a letdown.

I didn’t need some book to tell me that mom guilt about being at work versus at my daughter’s school event is real. Or that a morning routine (or lack thereof) can make or break your day. I truly wasn’t looking for a story about another woman’s husband chipping in at home so she could work.

It was answers I was after. Answers about how to manage the overwhelming chaos of working mom life. Easy-to-follow checklists for taming the daily disarray. Hints about fitting self-care into a tumultuous schedule. Encouragement that yes, things will in fact get better.

Stories are nice but they aren’t answers.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m super happy that Susan’s husband vacuums and scrubs the toilets. But how did she get him to take on these tasks?

And congratulations to Lindsay on cutting back to part-time hours! But what about the options if your family’s economic stability depends upon your full-time hours?

It’s amazing that Cheryl was able to negotiate her employer into allowing her some time to work-from-home. But how is this story beneficial when your career is not amenable to working from home?

I was beginning to think that there simply were no answers to the questions I was asking.

More Questions Than Answers

Despite my initial disappointment in the book’s inability to answer my questions, I kept reading it. Mostly because I was 50 pages in at that point and already invested.

After all, it was possible that the answers I was looking for were in the very last chapter. Or in some type of bonus chapter. It was also entirely possible that the secret to managing my working mom life was in an exclusive online book resource.

I had to keep reading to make sure I wasn’t missing out on anything that all the other working moms somehow knew. Working mom life would be much easier if there was a secret to making it all balance. If not a secret, then maybe a magical fairy or elf.

Picture this. It’s been a long day at work, you’re tired, and your toddler screams all the way home from day care. And then continues screaming because you won’t let him lick the soap dispenser at home. His older brother, slighted because you asked how his day went, quickly joins in the screaming. Just to top it all off, their older sister starts yelling because she is annoyed at the screaming of the other two.

You’ve been there before too, right?

In this moment, wouldn’t it be great if you could tap into some deep well of knowledge? In fact, wouldn’t it be great if you could suddenly feel calm, cool, and collected about all areas of your working and home life? If you could simply let the stress of the work day melt away amidst the screaming tantrums of your kids.

Admit how great it would feel if you could drop the constant feelings of competition between work and home. The feeling that because you work, you’re somehow dropping the ball at home. Or the feeling that because you take time off to care for a sick child, you’re slacking off at work. And on and on and on.

Although I didn’t realize it at the time, I was looking for reassurance. Reassurance that I wasn’t the only one feeling the constant conflict between work and home life. I needed to hear that I wasn’t the only one with more questions than answers.

The Working Mom Secret

It wasn’t until I was almost through with the book that it suddenly hit me.

I wasn’t the only one questioning how to make it all work! There was no magical “one size fits all” answer for achieving balance in your working mom life.

And do you know what else I learned?

There are forces beyond my control influencing my thoughts, feelings, and responses to “balancing” working mom life. Forces contributing to my feelings of overwhelm and constant questioning.

These forces run deep. Some are rooted in society’s expectations about male and female roles both inside and outside the home. Others stem from the influences of social media and comparison. Still others are deeply personal and come from your own expectations of who you ARE versus who you SHOULD be.

And let’s not forget the expectations of your spouse, friends, family, and coworkers. The unsolicited advice about how to learn more, be more, and do more. Advice on how to make all the bits and pieces of your life come together into a pretty picture.

In short, working moms are struggling against a plethora of outside forces. This struggle only sets us up for more and more questions.

Unless we stop and consider what is truly driving our feelings, emotions, and actions, we will never come to a better understanding of the issue.

And how does one come to a better understanding of an issue?

By asking questions, seeking out information, and sifting through one’s deepest underlying thoughts and beliefs.

The secret to a better understanding of working mom life is to ask more questions.

I know this may not be the answer you were hoping for. Believe me, I completely understand your frustration in now having more questions than answers.

But at the end of the day, working moms all have completely different hopes, dreams, and goals.

We are all individuals. Each of us has a unique perspective to contribute.

What’s Your Perspective?

By this point, you’re probably asking yourself, “Ok, great. But now what? How can I apply this in my own life?”

You can start by ditching the concept of “balancing” home and work lives. The word “balance” means equilibrium. Equality between two separate entities.

In working mom life, there is NO. SUCH. THING. as balance.

Life is unexpected. You will constantly need to make tough choices. Choices which result in favoring one thing over another.

This is just the nature of life. Accept that there will be times when you need to choose family over work. And vice versa. It’s ok.

Know that all working moms wrestle with these questions. If not these same exact questions, then eerily similar ones.

None of us really knows what we’re doing. We’re all just doing the very best we can with what we have. Approach each new day with the faith that you are making progress. Forgive yourself.

Talk with other working moms who may be going through the same struggles as you. Working moms are a community of incredibly strong, resourceful, and resilient women. We absolutely need to avoid tearing each other down but rather stick together!

And stay curious. If you’re struggling, look for resources. In today’s world, there is an abundance of information out there. Don’t keep yourself in the darkness of overwhelm when all you need to do is simply reach out and turn on the light switch.

Keep asking questions until you find the answers you’re looking for! Or at least until you get to the questions which get you to the root of your hang-up.

If you’re looking for a starting point, check out the book which inspired today’s post here. This book triggered so much emotionally for me and inspired my belief that the answer to this issue is complex and actually lies in the questions.

If a podcast is more your style, check out one of my personal favs below!

  • Do It Scared with Ruth Soukup
  • The Confidence Podcast with Trish Blackwell
  • Rise Podcast with Rachel Hollis

And always remember that you’re not on this journey alone. Life with kids requires a complete transformation. You cannot live the same way you did before having kids. And my guess is that you wouldn’t want to. Kids add an element of fulfillment unmatched by anything else!

And now it’s your turn. What are your current challenges, questions, and stresses? Where do you find yourself constantly getting hung up? What are the forces beyond your control which are currently impacting you in a big way? I’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this and more below!